Star Trek: Starbase 777

A Secret Santa gift arrived for Maggie: Outside of Maggie's door was a gift bag, not a wrapped gift. The bag was pure white with a printed painting of a small cottage covered in snow. Inside the bag was a bottle of Torre'vnau RPA, the bottle adorned with lots of gold marked with the year 2409. Not a very old bottle, but it could easily be stored to age longer or enjoyed as is. Along with the box was a set of Romulan pixmit cards, similar to the terran deck of 52 cards, but these cards depicted Romulan things such as the Romulan 'hellbeast' Ganmadan, or the Romulan sisters Seb-cheneb and Seb-netan. Along with a few other things like a star dog, a torch, etc. The cards could be used to play Romulan games or even a few terran games too. Beside the deck of cards was a very small tube with a short bar across the top. When the bar was moved (easily done with a flick of the thumb), the tube expanded to be a stick. Very cool if one wanted to make it seem like they manifested a whole stick out of thin air. Under the stick and the cards there was also a chocolate D'Deridex warbird! It was Vulcan safe as noted on the label too! And then a note. Written in very beautiful Rihannsu script with a printed Standard version under it.

Merry Christmas Maggie, I look forrward to seeing your show one day. Please enjoy these gifts.

(not) Ninja Assassin S'an Ta (direct Rihannsu translation)

Breathe in... Breathe out. Breathe in... Breathe out. Just like she did when she met with Vara'l. This was, heh... This wasn't at all what she was used to. Although, she was getting better at it, as evident by her interaction with Vara'l. So, she figured, now was as good of a time as ever - and especially, given that she owed Maggie the biggest of apologies. It was never easy for Alyssa to speak when nervous. Or even the slightest bit emotionally compromised. But when she did - it was a scattered mess of thoughts, that she tried to put into some manner of a cohesive structure. Alyssa had pretty much abandoned trying to be tough now. There was no point. No reward. All it did was have negative consequences. So now was not a good time to be a tigress. With that, Alyssa pressed the doorbell on Maggie's door, awaiting a response. She figured they likely would be quite emotional, given their experience at the entertainment complex. So she had to be gentle with them. Hopefully Maggie would understand.

Their head was spinning. A flash of a familiar face, a white-hot pain seared into their back, a phaser pressed to their head-- everyone around them sounded underwater, spinning in circles like a corrupted carousel, making them dizzy and unable to focus. Everything was too loud and too quiet all at once, an endless chorus of silence, even the hum of the station was too fucking loud-- Maggie blinked from their half-asleep daze at the toll of the bell, rubbing their eyes and stretching out. They'd zoned out chowing down on that pretty Warbird they'd gotten as a gift, and now there was only a little bit left. They frowned at that, wrapping it back up and putting it away, running their fingers through their hair in an attempt to make it at least a little presentable. It was a fluffy mess of pink with the black roots starting to grow out.... They sighed. Everything was just too much right now. They were such a hot mess... Nonetheless, seize the day, or whatever. They moved to answer the door in a sweater too big for them and a pair of star-patterned pajama pants, blinking away bleary-eyed confusion at the sight of Alyssa at the door. They'd met when she first arrived, and not again until...the day at the promenade. Why now? Was their head playing tricks on them again...? "Hi," they said, pushing up their glasses a little and leaning against the frame of the door. "Um... Is everything okay? Can I help you...?"

With the opening of the door, Alyssa kept perfectly still, as she didn't want to intrude upon Maggie's quarters. This was a situation in which she had to be extremely careful with what she said and did. She was in the presence of someone who was not in the best headspace, she could only imagine. So, she took things very seriously and did not place a word out of line. "Hi, Maggie," Alyssa managed to say, in a much quieter and gentler voice than she had been known for. This was accompanied by her almost fearful facial expression, one which was a combination of both shame and begging for forgiveness. "I, uh... Wanted to stop by and check in with you. After the... you know. I've been thinking a lot about that whole thing and I owe you a massive apology. Can I... Please come inside to talk?" Instead of having a spout-off of badass phrases that made her seem unstoppable, now it looked like you could merely flick Alyssa and she'd start crying. Of course, she wasn't actually crying right now, nor was she close to it. But she was a completely different person than she was when she met Maggie, and even from the entertainment promenade.

Maggie listened, waking up a little more and being able to stand up, muffling a yawn behind their hand. They weren't even asleep, just...drained. An apology, huh? Probably for agreeing to potentially shoot them if things went south. If anything, they thought, it was the person who had the idea that owed them this apology, but it was fine. They spared a glance behind them to their quarters— just a little messy, posters from their tour plastered on the walls, blankets and pillows draped here and there, any lights on the ceiling off and replaced by the soft glow of a color-changing lamp— and figured, eh, good enough. "Yeah," they said, running a hand through their hair and stepping aside to let Alyssa in. "Sure. Do you want some tea or something? I was about to make some." They could sense Alyssa's guilt practically caving in on her as they folded up the blankets to be neatly put away. It only made them feel a little worse, but it wasn't her intention, surely. "You can have a seat if you want. Raspberry's my favorite, preferably with a butt load of sugar, but... I've got lemon and peppermint too, and black and green for if I have boring guests." They smiled a little to themself at that, going for their kettle.

Alyssa actually began to... Smile? Yes! She began to smile when Maggie decided to let her in. She hadn't smiled in front of Maggie, to her knowledge or memory at least, before this. Now was a phenomenon among others. But that smile didn't last long as Alyssa knew that she'd have to get into all the details. Details that she was the least proud of. "Thanks, Maggie... I do appreciate it and I appreciate you for being so open." Alyssa stepped inside and nodded at Maggie's offer for her to have a seat. "Thanks," she said, taking a seat - ooh! It was actually kind of comfy! It surely would help with her nerves, she figured. Nerves that she practically suppressed for years and pretended she didn't have. Yeahhhh, that wasn't the right move. But anyway. Alyssa perked up a bit at the mention of tea. "O-oh, yeah, please! I, uh, I like peppermint! If th-that's okay, please," she said - did she just stutter? Holy shit, Alyssa was OUT of it. At least, the badass she used to be. She was IN on a new perspective. One that she hoped she would be able to try out with Maggie as she tried it out with Vara'l to massive success.

The magician laughed, or a soft pathetic excuse for it anyway, searching for their favorite mug since they couldn't be bothered to have proper teacups. "There's no need to stumble over yourself, Commander. I don't bite." Not without permission, anyway. It reminded them of when Vaia put them through speech therapy so they could get over their own stutter. It was no good to be stumbling over yourself on stage, she said, but it still slipped every now and then. They sat up on the counter while they waited for the water to boil. "So, what's this about? ...Do you plan to snipe all your hostages, or am I just lucky?" They didn't mean to be snarky about it, they just... couldn't really help it, to be honest. It'd scared them, the possibility of being paralyzed in a situation where they didn't know how many other bad people were around. They didn't know anything about tactical strategies, or Starfleet protocol in these situations, but those few moments where their fear was more effective than any stun shot would have been -- they were practically burned into the back of their mind. Maggie sighed and shook their head. "I didn't mean that. Sorry. Just... Say what you have to say. I'm listening." (edited)

Alyssa couldn't help but smile once more when Maggie said they didn't bite. Well, that was a plus. But it also allowed Alyssa another thing. "Oh, and uh, you can... Call me Alyssa, by the way. No need for 'Commander' unless it's a mission or a serious duty thing." Alyssa three weeks ago would have expected 'Commander,' but now? Anything went. Alyssa was not expecting Maggie to bring up one of the major reasons why she was here. Especially not like that. At least Maggie didn't mean it, which Alyssa absolutely respected, but Alyssa still messed up bad, so it sort of served her right that Maggie even said that to begin with. Alyssa couldn't help but close her eyes in shame at that. "No, no, you're okay, I know what you meant. It's... Part of what I wanted to apologize for." Shifting around in her seat slightly, she mentally prepared herself. "I messed up. Bad," Alyssa said. "I messed up really bad, Maggie. That day, I just wasn't on my A-game, and either as the cause or the effect of that I made stupid decisions that had very real consequences. You're right, I was extremely, and I mean, extremely irresponsible by agreeing with my team member's suggestion for a sniper. I should have shut that down immediately. Your safety was the priority there, and by attempting to snipe your attacker it would have been too risky to try and attempt sniping them without hitting you in the process, even with my level of expertise in weaponry. That was careless of me, and I wanted to apologize for that first and foremost. I can only imagine how scared you must have been to hear that, and for that, I am so, so sorry. It was never my intention to cause any harm, even if it was just in the planning phase. It caused you emotional distress, which was already enough of an offense on my part. I am so, so sorry I did that, and I assure you I will never let that slip again under any circumstance." Alyssa was weak. She was pathetic. Or at least, that's what she was convinced.

Maggie was silent for a long moment as they listened. Their empathy was enough for them to tell that Alyssa was being genuine, that this was tearing her apart from the inside out. Maybe in any other situation, they would've been a little more sympathetic. Right now they were just...tired. So tired of looking over their shoulder and expecting the worst. They pressed their palms to the counter, gripping the edge to steady themself. "You're right," they said quietly, just a hint of that Vulcan tone to their voice, lacking emotion, "It was irresponsible. I'm not going to get on my knees and kiss your boots telling you it wasn't. I don't know anything about Starfleet protocol, but I've got common sense. I appreciate you acknowledging that much, and doing your best to fix it, but it's just..." They took down their glasses, rubbing their temples a little to fight the headache coming on. "It's not your fault. That this happened as a whole. So don't... beat yourself about it expecting me to hold you and console you, because I'm not. Not when I can't set foot on the promenade without shaking in my boots expecting someone to whip a phaser on me. Thank you for your apology. I'll take it." It was probably the best they were going to get out of Starfleet, which wasn't a bad thing. They hesitated a while. Something on the tip of their tongue, something bursting at the seams. "Can I tell you something, Alyssa? Like, never-told-anyone-on-the-station something. Probably-isn't-on-my-personal-record something."

Alyssa was surely now like a dog with their tail tucked between their legs. She could only make eye contact with Maggie for a few seconds at a time, as her shame certainly served her right. It was embarrassing. It was humiliating. But she deserved it. For putting Maggie in that much danger, Alyssa deserved it. "Wha-- kiss my...? Oh. N-no, I don't expect or want you to do that." Alyssa for a hot second took that literally. It would be a very different conversation if Maggie meant it literally. Alyssa took the rest of Maggie's response in with a fresh feeling of even more guilt. She messed up here, not Maggie. This was someone's life they were talking about here. "N-no, I'm not asking you to hold or console me either. That's for me and counselling. That's my problem and mine alone. You don't deserve to be shaking in your boots on a promenade. You really don't. I made that worse, and I am so, so sorry." Alyssa was a little off put when Maggie offered to tell her something that they never told anyone else on the station. "I mean, you can. As a lieutenant Commander, it is my duty to report any behavior that threatens the safety of others. If it's not that, then it can absolutely remain confidential."

Maggie huffed a sigh, closing their eyes a little as they looked for the words. "My old manager found me outside of the hospital after recovering from a ship crash," they said quietly. "I lost my memories following the accident, and I'm lucky if I can get a long way around without a cane. I was told the people that were on the ship were dead. The only clue I had to who I was was a brand the attackers left between my shoulders. Marking me like a lamb for the slaughter." They hopped down from the counter to pour the tea, balancing both mugs and a sugar bowl as they moved into the same room to sit. "Don't drink yet. Still has to steep. But she.. took me in. Even now, she's the only family I've ever known. She never told me who I was. Maggie isn't even my real name. It's short for Magician... Isn't that pathetic? A pretty showman from the beginning." Magician swallowed their nerves, staring down at their trembling hands. "We were a little ragtag group of thieves. Kids, mostly my age. I was the distraction. Cute tricks and sleight of hand on a street corner. Even after I left, ran away and started my show because I wanted something more, I've never stopped feeling like they're watching me. Like those people who put that brand on my skin are looking for me. Hunting me down. What happened on the promenade only made all of that worse. I can't keep running from it, God, all I ever do is run..." They laughed, burying their face in their hands. "They're going to find me here. I know it. I can feel their eyes on me even now." (edited)

And as Maggie, spoke, Alyssa was silent. Not an 'oh, yes,' or 'sure,' or 'mmhmm,' absolute silence. Only did the setting down of the tea on the table elicit a nod from Alyssa, but even then, not a word. She felt it best not to make anything worse and let Maggie speak - they certainly sounded like they had a lot to say even from the beginning. And as Maggie spoke, Alyssa's eyes widened more and more. Marked?! Branded?! Like a lamb for slaughter...?! With that, Alyssa's jaw dropped.* *She spent the rest of Maggie's explanation like that. She couldn't move, she was completely petrified. Alyssa had never met someone like Maggie, and not even just because of their skills, but because of their past. Such a haunting past. It was sobering to hear just how much they had been through, and yet, they didn't remember any of it. It must have been excruciating for Maggie. Hearing them laugh made Alyssa even more scared. That Maggie would just laugh it off and pretend it wasn't happening, when in truth it was very real. "I... Am so, so sorry that happened to you. You're insanely strong for pushing on and being so brave to keep going. I can't imagine what it must have felt like then and how it feels even now. It must be terrifying living like this. You don't deserve to feel terrified to live. You don't deserve to feel like you have to run anywhere. Not then, not now, not ever. I hope you know that. I deeply respected you before and I respect you even more now that I know how much you've been through. What can I do to support you through all this?"

"I don't-- want--" Maggie struggled for words for a good second, dragging their hands down their face and sitting their chin in their palms. "I don't want you to look at me differently. I don't want anyone to, that's why I hate telling anyone about this in the first place. I don't need respect, I don't need a fucking trophy, I don't need to be strong. I just want to feel safe, I want to do my shows and I want to make people happy," they mumbled, letting out a sigh that trembled with their shoulders. They sounded hollow and exhausted. They strained everything out and promptly stirred an ungodly amount of sugar into their mug, gesturing that Alyssa was free to take as much as she'd like. They didn't even want their tea anymore. Peppermint tea was better as a latte, anyway. "I don't need support. I've got a proper therapist for that. I just want to be able to do my show without being scared. If I can't do that..." What am I? Nothing. Nothing at all. They cupped the mug in their hands for the sake of the warmth. "Thanks for listening, I guess."

It was late. Or maybe the early hours of the morning. Hell if they knew. The kitchen's disaster had been cleaned up hours ago, and the living area had turned into more of a nest than anything with all the pillows and blankets tossed about. Maggie was half asleep and still a little bit drunk, curled up with their head on someone's shoulder, blinking vaguely into consciousness as their PADD buzzed with a message. Their head would burst if they looked at any screens right now, so they opted to bury their face into the poor trapped soul's shoulder, screwing their eyes shut. Senses buzzed vaguely in the back of their head. The whole room was a hazy mess of happy and drowsy feelings, something they were more than content to welcome in, to drown in, even. Maggie was warm for the first time in a long time. And they weren't on stage. There was no audience. No applause. And yet... They still felt just as happy as they would be. People here really cared about them. The real Maggie. Not just the Magnificent, the flashy showman they made themself out to be. Today had proved it. Maybe, just maybe, there wasn't really anything to be afraid of. They might be... ...Best not to jinx it. They smiled, squeezing the blanket tighter to their chest and dozing off, not at all prepared to battle the wicked hangover that'd claim them in the morning.