Star Trek: Eventide 777 - ens-barnes﹢za’ari

Finally, here she was, back on a starbase. Though based on the condition the station was in after what had happened during PACT, it was a hell of a time to transfer. Nonetheless she was here now, and she needed a drink. She quickly changed into a new uniform and headed out the door to find a bar.

Nora woke up and soon realized that it was still a few hours until her shift. She needed to kill time and she also needed her physical. It was perfect. She got dressed in her uniform and left her room.

First day on the Starbase and Cecil felt like it was a mistake to send him here. He missed Deep Space Nine, he had never been so far from home. He was still jittery from the time on his transport, but perhaps a walk would help calm his nerves? Right, he should learn the layout of the station. He had a look at the crew roster so he had created a few gifts ahead of time. Maybe it would help break the ice? Cecil grabbed some of his gifts and shoved them in a bag before heading towards the turbolift.

1

He finally arrived back at his quarters. It had been quite an eventful day. He had successfully survived two days on Starbase 777, yet for some reason he still felt like he had so much more to do. He made it to his physical, handed out two plushies, scored a date, chatted with two Bajorans... "Computer, begin letter. Recipient: Ratana Ellara."

Dear Mother, Hello, it's me, Nalas. I wanted to tell you I made it to Starbase 777.

"Computer. Pause." Cecil took a deep breath and sat down on his bed. He would have to be brief, he remembered. His mother was busy as a Renjen, there was no way he could go in depth about his life, not in a letter at least. "Computer. Resume letter."

I met two Bajorans already on this station. A Bajoran woman and a mixed Bajoran. Actually, that's what inspired me to write this letter. Especially the Bajoran woman, seeing her face reminded me of you.

"Computer. Pause." No no, that sounded stupid. "Computer, erase last sentence."

I want to apologise for how I've treated you. I feel like a bad son who doesn't even know where his mother lives. It's ironic, isn't it. On Cardassia they say "Family is everything", but I have been treating you as anything but family. Which is why I am writing this letter to tell you I plan to visit Bajor once I am allowed to take time off. I want to learn more about your life after the occupation, your faith, my grandparents. I miss you and I want to see what the new Bajor is like. I hope to hear from you soon. Signed. Ratana Nalas

"Computer." Cecil inhaled and laid back on his bed. "Delete that entire letter."

3

Finally back in his quarters, Cecil was debating whether to go to sleep or stay up and work. He finished his report and didn't start his next shift until 0700 the next day. Maybe he could read something. "Computer. Transfer a copy of "When the Prophets Cried" by Vedek Synta Kayani to my padd. Original language version."

2

[D] After reading all night, Cecil fell asleep without even realising it. It was a deep sleep too, he didn't hear his alarm either-- "Computer, what time is it?" "0700 hours," Cecil panicked and sprung out of bed and began rummaging through all the clothes he had thrown on the floor trying to find something that was clean. It had only been a couple days and already Cecil's floor had disappeared. He finally found a clean uniform and got dressed, He grabbed his PADD and sprinted out the door at near threshold speed.

Cecil ran down the hall and to his quarters and started throwing clothes around. "Computer, time." "1840." He had time, why was he in such a hurry? Cecil took a deep breath and sat on his bed as he tried to find the shirt that Eshen had picked out for him. He knew it was somewhere, somewhere in this pile of clothes. He managed to find it, and the ring, and got dressed for his date.

[D] When Cecil finally returned to his quarters that night it was already past midnight. 24 hour days really went by fast, he thought. "Computer. Begin letter, recipient: Giyon Za'ari."

Dear father, Hello, it's Sissil. I got to Starbase 777 safely. It's a little lonely being far from home, but I wanted to tell you I met a really nice boy. A friend, don't worry. Anyway, he wanted to try cooking some Cardassian food. Please send the recipes for Larish Pie, Yamok sauce, Zabo steak and Hasperat. Signed. Sissil Za'ari

Cecil paused as he closed off the letter and wondered if he was missing anything. He named all his favourites. Maybe Eshen couldn't recreate Yamok sauce.... Well it was worth a shot anyway. "Computer. Send letter."

[PADD] Ensign Ratana Nalas @Vara'toran Aella 5

Ensign. I am able to meet up with you tomorrow at 1400h. If this is inconvenient for you, do say so. That way we can plan a different moment.

Sincerely, Dr. Richards

[PADD]

Dr. richards Tomorrow 1400 sounds good. What are we going to be doing exactly? - Cecil

[PADD]

A handful of tests and a short chat. Nothing serious if all goes well.

-Dr. Richards

[PADD]

What sort of tests? If it's my DNA I already had my physical, i am not sure what else there is... - Cecil

With a second "date" secured, Cecil had some time to kill. He had still yet explored all of the promenade so maybe that would be a good starting place. He grabbed his PADD loaded up with The Enigma Tales and headed out!

As soon as Cecil got back to his quarters he tossed his PADD on the bed and sat at his desk where he had a couple samples of various seeds. Oh that's right, he was working on synthesizing an enzyme from Rippleberries to see if adding that to food could allow Vorta to taste. "Computer. Larish pie. With.. Yamok sauce, tapioka pearls, and brown sugar syrup." Cecil walked over to the replicator and grabbed his plate of cursed food. It sounded weird, but this was his comfort food. He noticed a flashing light near the monitor. A message? From whom? Maybe it was that Dr. Richards again. "Computer. Playback message."

Sender: Ratana Ellara. The light of my life, Nalas. It's been a week since your last transmission, did you get to Starbase 777 safely? I hope you are able to receive this message. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, my baby Nalas. I would like to apologise for not being able to say goodbye before you were transferred. I wish you could have told me, I would have gladly gotten on the next transport to Cardassia Prime if it meant seeing your smiling face. I miss you so much, plaese let me know when you plan to go back to visit and I will be there. Lastly, please respond to this message when you receive it. Even if it is just one word. I miss you so much, the light given to me by the Prophets. - Your doting mother

"Computer, begin reply. Recipient: Ratana Ellara."

Safe.

"Computer. Send letter."

1

Eshen messaged him the next day.

Hey, you want to come over this eve? I've been practicing my pie ;) - Eshen

Huh, OH, the pie. Yeah sure, what time? I'll be there. - Cecil

1900. Do you have any allergies, and do you drink? - Eshen

Fine by me. No allergies and I only drink if the drink is sweet. No Kanar. - Cecil

[PADD]

A DNA test is not the only test that exsists, but it will be one of the tests I wish to conduct. I will inform you more about them tomorrow.

-Dr. Richards

[PADD]

Okay I will be there!

- Cecil

"This guy is weird... Why does an Astrophysicist want to conduct tests on me? One way to find out... Maybe I should record a will just in case."

Back in his quarters, Cecil was trying to get his mind sorted out. He tossed Baby Nalas in his closet and closed the door before walking back to his desk. A few seconds passed and Cecil walked back to the closet and opened the door to take Baby Nalas out and hug him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Cecil walked over to his desk and set Baby Nalas in the corner facing him. "Computer. Begin letter. Recipient: Ratana Ellara."

Dear Mother, Can you give me your recipe for Batbird stew and Moba juice? I miss you too. Signed. Ratana Nalas

"Computer. Send letter."

1

[d] Cecil slept horribly that night. He held Baby Nalas and tossed and turned. It was hardly relaxing. He felt like he was asleep for 5 minutes but when he opened his eyes he saw it was-- "IT'S ALREADY 1400?!!" Cecil quickly stumbled out of bed and threw on his uniform. He bolted for the door and down to Richards's quarters, not even bothering to comb is hair or anything.

Cecil returned to his quarters after the "interrogation" with that Dr. Richards. He was so exhausted, he did not expect such an interrogation. He was expecting just a casual chat, but no this man wanted to know his life story. He may have been his superior but there was no way Cecil would be forthcoming about his past. He hadn't even told Eshen the full story. "Computer. Check messages." "One message. Sender: Ratana Ellara."

The light of my life, Nalas. I am sending over the recipes right now along with possible substitutes if you can't get them over there in the Beta Quadrant. I am so happy to hear from you! The other day I was looking at your picture as I prayed to the Prophets that I would get a message from you. You were such a cute little boy and now you have grown to be a handsome man. I wanted to ask how Baby Nalas is doing. Is he adjusting to the new environment? I am sure he misses home, so make sure to feed him lots of Bajoran food. I won't ask for you to reply immediately, but when you can I would love to see a picture of you again. The other Renjens and Vedeks here are obsessed with my cute son. Oh you would love to meet them! Miss you, my one and only light from the Prophets. - Your one and only mother.

"Computer," Cecil paused. "Transfer the recipe data to Eshen's PADD. Please archive letter. Delete all sender information and encrypt it, authorisation Ratana alpha zero one."

1

Another date. Okay, this time it will be good. Cecil was excited but also nervous. He hoped it wouldn't turn out like last time. It was still early, but Cecil had to fight space lag. How DO people survive 24 hour days? adjusting to 24 hour days would be the death of him. He laid back on his bed. Maybe a good audiobook would clear his mind. "Computer. Read...." Cecil paused as he thought of what he should listen to. Perhaps The Neverending Sacrifice again? Or maybe The Enigma Tales? "Bajoran folklore. Home Are the Travelers. Translation: Cardassian."

1

"It seems we were capable of more than we thought." "We were once enemies in our homeland, but all this time if we had realised we are more alike than we are different, maybe we could have avoided the war."

Cecil was drifting to sleep as the story was nearing the end. He had heard this story a thousand times, it was one of the stories his mother would tell him... It was about survivors from two different sides of a civil war who must escape their war-torn planet and settle somewhere new. At first, the two groups bicker endlessly, but as the story progresses they realise the whole reason for their civil war was a misunderstanding. If they had just trusted and listened to each other the war would have never happened. "You can be more than one thing in your life." and "People are more than meets the eye." were the two life lessons from the tale. Cecil always thought it was a childish story, but for some reason this time he felt more thoughtful about it. Cecil let his thoughts swim around in his head as he drifted to sleep.

Cecil scrambled around his room to try and find an outfit to wear. Not his uniform, something more casual. He eventually settled on one of the outfits he had brought back from Cardassia. It was a bunch of different patterns and textures. He remembered buying it, the seller told him it was handmade by a Cardassian tailor named Garak. Interesting choice of colours, but it was clean and he didn't have time to match some high fashion clothes. Cecil headed out into the world!

Once Cecil returned to his quarters he headed over to his bed to lay down. He had some time before his next duty shift. As always he was going to be working the evening shift, but with his space lag it wasn't too terrible. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander back to the thoughts he had in the sermon. "Computer. Begin letter. Recipient: Ratana Ellara."

Dear mother, Thank you for the recipes.

Where to start? Cecil paused for a moment as he gathered his thoughts.

I attended a Bajoran service today with another Bajoran boy named Sauk Tral. Half Vulcan. I thought about you, the holographic Renjen was nice, but no hologram could recite the words of the Prophets better than you. I want to learn more about your--

"Computer, delete last sentence."

I want to learn more about our culture and faith. I want to know more about the Prophets. I could really use their guidance. I miss you and I love you. Signed. Ratana Nalas.

"Computer send---” Cecil paused. "Belay that order. Computer delete that whole letter." No, he couldn't. Not yet. He wasn't ready to yet.

2

[D] After his shift ended he headed back to his quarters to change into something else for his date. He was going to dress up this time! Cecil had enough time to put make up on and style his hair. As for his outfit, a long shirt with tight trousers. He was thankful he made sure to grab as many outfits as he could last time he went home. He grabbed Baby Nalas and headed out the door!

[D] To his surprise, Cecil ended up sleeping the whole night at Eshen's place. It was probably the best sleep he had ever had in his life. The two of them just cuddled as Cecil sang Eshen a Bajoran lullaby he remembered his mother singing to him. Maybe the Prophets were finally answering his mother's prayers and pulling him back in. When he returned to his quarters he flopped on his own bed. "Computer.Time." "0900 hours." Still early. He had a couple hours before his next shift, but he had already slept a lot, he wasn't tired for once. Maybe he could listen to an audiobook or something or maybe.. "Computer. Cardassian news please. Culat Province, channel 47.9."

He finally returned to his quarters after winning his battle with the turbolift. He was getting better.. Somehow. "Computer. Begin letter. Recipient: Giyon Za'ari."

Dear father, Thank you for the recipes, the food was great. How are my grandparents? Give them my regards. I want to speak to you next time you're free. It's about my next holiday. I have decided I will not be coming home, but I am going to visit Bajor and was hoping you would be agreeable to meeting me there. My mother is a Renjen so you won't see much of her outside of the temple, don't worry. Signed. Sissil Za'ari.

Back in his quarters Cecil was finally able to relax again. He tossed the hypos he got from the doctor into his bag on his desk and then sat on his bed. "Computer. Begin letter. Recipient: Giyon Za'ari. Cardassian encryption pattern alpha three two."

Dear father, I am sending this letter to ask about some old Obsidian Order technology. I am doing a research project and I am interested specifically on the cranial implant that allowed operatives to resist torture. My project is helping the Vorta taste, I think this technology could help them. And if you can, I would like the plans for said technology, I need it asap. Signed. Sissil Za'ari.

"Computer send letter." Now all that was left is to try and survive long enough on three hypos. Cecil wasn't about to put a cranial implant in his brain himself, but perhaps the technology could give him a way to calm his anxieties.

Finally Cecil was back. He immediately flopped on his bed and fell asleep. That was enough excitement for one day, now it was sleep time.

[D] After crying in the corridor and all the way back to his quarters, Cecil tried his best to sleep. Unfortunately no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop crying. He kept having flashback after flashback. Before he knew it, his alarm went off. It was time for work. Thankfully he thought ahead and finished his report the day before, but he didn't know if he could really face the CSO in his current condition.... But he couldn't call out sick. No way. Cecil got up, changed into his uniform and grabbed Baby Nalas, shoving the small plushie into his bag.

2

Finally arriving back in his quarters, Cecil tossed his bag on his bed and sat at his desk. He was only going to be working a half shift that day so he had some time to kill in his quarters. He turned his head and noticed a small light flickering near his monitor. "Computer. Read message."

Sender: Ratana Ellara. The light of my life, Nalas. A special day is coming up, do you remember?

I have spoken with some of the other Renjens and the Vedeks here and they have allowed me to take some time to visit you! I am already thinking about what sort of foods I want to make for you. I want to meet all your new friends too. My baby is going to be 25! That's half 50! I can't wait to see you again, my baby Nalas. Please let me know when would be a good time to come, I have 2 whole weeks off just for you! - Your loving mother, forever and ever.

Cecil leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Computer. Delete letter."

2

Hey, Nalas? Your mother is here on the station. - Eshen

I don't have a mother. - Nalas

Ha ha. No, seriously, she's here with me right now. What do you want me to do? - Eshen

I told you I don't have a mother. Tell that woman she's lying and she can go back to Bajor. - Nalas

2

3

You know I can't do that, Nalas. - Eshen

I said what I said. I am Sissil Za'ari, son of Gul Giyon Za'ari. tell her that. - Nalas

We're in my quarters if you change your mind. - Eshen

I told you I have no idea who that woman is. I'm a Cardassian, I don't have any Bajoran parents. - Cecil

Cecil was pacing in his quarters. He couldn't believe it. His MOTHER was on the station and now she was in Eshen's quarters. He was hoping he could just ignore her and she would leave... but if she was going to be there for his birthday then he would have to spend the next week avoiding her. Maybe the station staff would get angry with a Bajoran Renjen walking around the station looking for him. He couldn't do that, he didn't want to risk getting in trouble or her getting into trouble. Guess it was time to face the music as they said on earth. [PADD]

Wait, is that lady still there? - Nalas

Yes. - Eshen

Guess that means he would have to see her.

I'm coming over. - Nalas

Cecil threw on some clothing and grabbed Baby Nalas before heading out of his quarters.

1

He bolted out of the room and into his quarters, wanting to get away. He was furious and clearly very distressed, he was hoping Eshen wasn't following him, he just wanted to get out!

Eshen followed Nalas into his quarters, glad he wasn't running off anywhere else. He couldn't do anything stupid in here, right? "Nalas..."

"Eshen,"Cecil turned to his friend, surprised to see he followed him to his quarters. ".... What are you doing here? Why did you follow me?" The anger had quickly left his voice, there was only sadness and... a bit of remorse.

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't so distressed you'd do anything drastic. Or faint." Nalas certainly couldn't deny he had a habit of doing that. "I'm sorry. I pushed you too hard." Well, Ellara did, but Eshen felt responsible somehow.

"... It wasn't your fault," Cecil said softly, walking towards Eshen. "You can tell her..... I'm sorry, but I don't want to see her again. She may be better off just going back to Bajor," He looked at Eshen, eyes filled with tears again.

Eshen's face fell. "Oh... But you were doing so well! I was really proud of you. Still am."

"I- I just don't think I'm ready for this yet. I don't know why she couldn't have... Given me more of a warning... Maybe another day? Two days?" Cecil crossed his arms and took a deep breath. "She did write me a letter..... That she wanted to visit. I didn't reply."

"I see. I've been trying to make her tone herself down a bit. I want you both to be happy. But she's desperate and foolhardy because she loves you." Eshen took a breath. Time to ask if there's any context he's missing here. What seemed like love could often be a deception, and Nalas' childhood was as complicated as his was. "Unless she... Did anything to you that made you... Hate her? Like my mother did?"

Cecil took a seat on the sofa and look at Eshen, preparing to answer with full honesty. Eshen already knew what his father did after all. "... She wouldn't adapt. She was a burden on me and my father," Cecil was proving once again that his Bajoran face could not hide his Cardassian views. "I don't hate her, I do not wish harm upon her. I helped her hide our alter, snuck candles into the house so she could pray, brought her Bajoran snacks, but I did this hoping it would make her transition to Cardassian life easier. But she refused to adapt."

Eshen sat down next to Nalas. "You know, we weren't allowed to talk about Klingon wars and politics back home. Sometimes my father would call my mother a 'domesticated' Klingon, tamed of her feral, violent emotional urges. It was... unkind of him." He wondered if him relating to Nalas so much was why he was in so deep now. "If your mother had to hide your altar, then clearly the rest of the household wasn't exactly being accommodating of her culture, either. Considering the history between Cardassians and Bajorans, wasn't that a little unkind of them, too?"

Cecil listened closely to Eshen's words. He understood what he was saying, although he was convinced his situation was different. "But you lived on Earth. Earth is very open minded, what happened to you was not right. But I lived on Cardassia, I had a normal Cardassian upbringing," Cecil paused when Eshen mentioned the occupation. He had a lot of views about that, it was a big stain on Cardassian history and something he really felt remorse about. But as a Cardassian, not as a Bajoran. "I don't think there was anything unkind about wanting to have a Cardassian household on Cardassia," He said, not seeing the connection. "I understand your story, but I don't think our situations were the same. My father was open to talking about Bajoran and Cardassian politics, in fact, he liked to debate it. He never treated my mother unfairly, she was given as many opportunities as I was, she just chose to resist and that was on her."

God, this was such a loaded conversation. Eshen briefly wished he had some kind of Bajoran or even Cardassian background so he could offer some kind of genuine perspective. Maybe when this conversation was done, he would start studying both cultures extensively. It was the same kind of research project he'd do before handling cultural tensions in a diplomatic rendezvous, but he had much more of a personal stake in this debate. "One does not have to come from a multicultural planet to have a multicultural household, Nalas. Cultural exchange is a good thing, but when it's one-sided, we in the diplomacy business call that forced assimilation." (edited)

"You... You think there was any sort of forced assimilation?" Cecil couldn't believe what he was hearing. He thought Eshen was on his side! He wasn't going to argue with his friend, but in his mind there was nothing forced about anything that happened in his childhood. "Cardassia Prime was very open minded. We celebrated Bajoran festivals in school, we learned about Bajoran culture, my mother was even invited to speak about her faith at my school," What Cecil didn't admit was that he was not allowed to participate in any of these events and although his mother was invited, that didn't mean she attended. In fact, his father made sure the message was never relayed to her, she had no idea.

"I'm not talking about Cardassia Prime. I'm talking about your mother being made to hide her culture, and therefore parts of both herself and you. In a relationship, things need to be reciprocal." Right. Like he was an expert. Although, well, he kind of was. He read about love extensively, and helped other people fix their broken relationships a lot, especially if they were romantic. Playing the matchmaker let him experience love in a vicarious fashion. Similarly, he wanted to fix Nalas' bond with his mother so badly because Eshen's own relationship with his mother was beyond saving.

1

"I don't think there is any part of me that wants to be Bajoran," Cecil sighed and shook his head. "I think Marnah is probably getting worried by now. You can tell her that..... I will tour her around the station myself tomorrow after my shift. 1600 hours," Cecil said flatly, looking away from Eshen now.

Those were words he wanted to hear, but not how he wanted to hear them. "Why the sudden change of heart? Are you sure?"

"I am sure. I don't want her getting lost. She has a tendency to wander and if she gets into trouble, it'll be on me," He said, as if it was a chore to spend time with his own mother. The woman who gave him life and put up with abuse for 18 years just so she could take care and watch over him. Yep, Cecil was certified poo. "And..... She said she wanted to meet my friends..." The gears were turning, slowly, but they were turning.

"I see." It's a start. "Well, I'm glad. I'll go tell her now." Eshen gave Nalas a warm smile and a kiss goodbye if he would let him, then departed, the gears in his mind spinning like turbines.

Cecil happily kissed Eshen goodbye, he liked kisses. He retreated back into his private quarters and sat on his bed. He grabbed a PADD and began typing a message.

2

Right on time, Ellara was at Cecil's quarters at 1600. She had her PADD in her hand, dressed in her typical Renjen attire. This time she wore teal robes with grey and silver accents, to match her son's uniform of course! She had a blue headscarf with holes for her ears as always. She was very excited to get a tour of the station from her one and only son!

2

Cecil met her at his quarters when he came back from work. He gave her a nod and a wave. "Okay, Marnah," He whispered in Bajoran, clearly embarrassed about speaking the language. "When we are touring you are not to touch anything and do not speak to anyone... And do not touch me," His voice was stern, but his mother just smiled and nodded. She was happy just being with Cecil, even if there were a lot of rules.

2

Finally he got back to his quarters and headed inside. His mother followed, but didn't say anything until the doors had closed.

"Nalas, please tell me what's going on. It's alright to be scared,“ Ellara immediately rushed to hug her son. She couldn't just watch in silence anymore, she had to do something. He was her son and she couldn't stand to see him hurt.

"Marnah," Cecil immediately pushed his mother away and stepped back. "I'm fine,” He lied, walking straight into his private sleeping quarters. Ellara didn't believe him, she was his mother after all and she followed him into his room.

"Nalas!" She exclaimed when she stepped into the room. She looked around and saw a shelf of plushies, a diorama, some chia pets, and... An alter? "This is your room? It's so lovely, and you even have an alter," She said as she walked over to the alter and began to arrange the little candles on the shelf. Cecil sat on his bed and let her do her thing, He was still pretty exhausted from fighting himself on the turbolift. "Would you mind if I prayed here?" She asked. Cecil only gave her a nod and laid on his bed with his back facing her. She smiled and sat on the little pillow in front of the alter and began to light the candles. Somehow, she felt like she was making some progress.

1

[D] It felt like he was asleep for ages, but when he woke up he noticed his mother had thrown his blanket over him and even fluffed his pillows for him. Cecil looked around, trying to find where his mother had gone. The room still smelled like Bajoran incense. Nostalgic, he thought. He got up from his bed and began to look around for his mother. She wasn't in his room nor the common area. He quickly put on his shoes and headed out the door.

[D] After his shift Cecil returned to his quarters to find his mother had cleaned everything for him?? Honestly, he was fine with his room not having a floor, but it seemed like his mother thought otherwise. She had cleaned all his clothes and folded them neatly and put them in drawers. His alter had also expanded. It seemed she also added some framed photos on the sides. "Marnah. What did you do?" Cecil asked as he grabbed the picture frames and tossed them into the rubbish bin. "You can wash my clothes and clean, but don't add anything unnecessary."

"Nalas!" Cecil's mother quickly grabbed the pictures from the bin and looked at him, very upset and disappointed. She thought she did a good job, why was he so mad at her? He already made an alter so it wasn't like he was against everything Bajoran, right? And what was wrong with having photos of your loving mother in your room? Why did it seem like no matter what she did it was wrong?

"You can take those photos and go back to Bajor if this is how you're going to act. You're lucky I didn't tell that merchant to take you back yesterday," Cecil crossed his arms. "Why do you always have to cause problems? You can't adapt, you never wanted to. I can see why father never let you sit with us at dinner, because you would just embarrass him," Cecil wasn't raising his voice, but his tone was harsh.

Without another word Ellara shuffled out of the room, taking the photos with her.

3

Cecil tried to calm down, but he couldn't stop shaking. He was so frustrated, so angry. How dare his mother come into his room and rearrange his stuff and fill it with Bajoran propaganda. He had an alter, yes, but he was only doing it to understand Bajoran culture. He wasn't here to have a whole service. He combed his hair and wiped the tears from his face before walking out of his quarters, completely ignoring his mother who was sitting in the common room in tears.

3

Ellara eventually stopped crying, but didn't dare go into Cecil's room when he was gone. It was only two days until Cecil's birthday, but she had a feeling she would be forced to leave before then. As much as it hurt her, she would respect her son's wishes and leave if he really wanted her to. She felt like a fool thinking her son would return to the Prophets after he left Cardassia. Things seemed to be getting better when she moved to earth to stay with him during the Academy, but clearly not good enough. She looked down at the photos she had in her hands, remembering when she actually had a Bajoran son, just for two years...

Year: 2404 "Köln, Deutschland. Nalas jagt ein Auto auf der Straße" (Cologne Germany, Nalas chasing a car down the street."

"I wonder if he still remembers..."

2

After his conversation with Nalas, Eshen entered the room and sat next to Ellara. "What's that?" He asked, gently. She seemed to be in an off mood, for reasons Eshen could surmise.

Ellara didn't even notice Eshen coming into the room and was surprised when the nice Klingon-Vulcan man sat next to her. "E-Eshen!" She gave him a soft smile and showed the photo to him. "It's baby Nalas... When we lived in Germany together. He liked looking at retro cars and for some reason... He liked to chase them and bark like a dog. I had to take this photo," Ellara explained. The picture was indeed of Cecil, 16 years old, fresh meat at the Academy, running down the street after a 1950's Cadillac.

"Nalas makes me laugh," Eshen said, smiling in amusement. Actually, now that he thought about it, so did Aella. That was why he liked them both, he supposed. "You lived in Germany together? For the Academy? No offense, but... I have difficulty imagining it now. I wonder what changed."

"We did," Ellara said, smiling fondly at the photo. "Nalas attended the academy in Marseilles and..." Her expression darkened as she remembered her own circumstances that brought her to earth. "I had finally managed to get off of Cardassia Prime, he offered me a place to stay on earth, I really thought he changed," She sighed, just as curious as to what happened. They were close when Cecil was at the academy, it was almost like a dream. "For those two years it felt like I had a son again..."

Eshen almost Surak'd away the tug on his heartstrings what she said gave him, but decided to let the music play. "You do have a son. He's just... lost, at the moment. I really hope I can guide him, but the truth is, I have no idea where I'm going either." Eshen took a deep breath. "I'm sorry about what happened to you. I'm sorry I can't tell you what happened him, or how to fix things, or help you. We just... have to take it really, really slowly. The way that he reacts to you is... I feel like if we push him any further, he's going to run away, and I care about him far too much to risk it." That's how it's always been. Rule 10: Keep people at just the right distance. But he'd broken that rule with Adill, and even he couldn't kid himself: he was breaking it with Aella and Nalas. What did he usually do in these situations? Rule 4.2. That's what he did. But no. He couldn't bring himself to do that. Not yet. (edited)

She sighed and shook her head. Eshen seemed to have hope, but she was losing it quickly. She would never have her son again, he was too lost in the Cardassian way of life. "You know Eshen... I wish I had stated with my ex-husband on Cardassia. What if I did assimilate like Nalas did, I could have taken a Cardassian name too and worked in the Intelligence Bureau. It's my fault things turned out like this," As much as it hurt to say, Ellara felt like the one at fault. It was because she was Bajoran, that was why her son resisted her so much.

Cecil was back from his walk and he entered his quarters only to see his mother and Eshen sitting at the table? He did tell Eshen to comfort his mother, he shouldn't have been surprised. "Eshen... Marnah, hi."

"Of course it wasn't your fa -" Eshen looked over to Nalas with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Hi, Nalas. How are you feeling?" (edited)

"Better.." Cecil said as he walked into the room and pulled up a chair. ”I.. Wanted to apologise," In a strange turn of events Cecil was actually apologising? He looked sincere, maybe the walk really did help. "I'm just stressed from everything... I shouldn't have yelled at you, I should have been more clear. I don't mind you moving stuff in my room, but not everyone knows I have a Bajoran mother so I would rather not have any photos of us," Cecil looked at his mother who just smiled, so happy that her son was back and feeling better. "And Eshen, sorry for putting you in the middle of this."

Oh? He's not running away? Well, let's not get our hopes up. "What? No, it's fine!" Eshen lied, putting his palms up. "I'm used to being in the middle of things. It's part of my job." What a healthy work-life balance you have, Eshen.

Ellara looked at Eshen and then at her son. So he admitted to being embarrassed having a Bajoran mother. Well this was no surprise, but for some reason it hurt to hear him say it out loud. Cecil was Bajoran! He had the nose ridges, the earring, why was it so important to keep it a secret? "But Nalas, you are Bajoran, what's so bad about having pictures of your mother? You have an alter and everything."

"But I'm not Bajoran, Marnah. You are, but I'm not. I told you not to force your beliefs on me-- Eshen, you are the one who said one-sided cultural exchange was forced assimilation, explain it to her."

Did he really just apologise for putting you in the middle of things and put you in the middle of things again? "I did. But when a person is exposed to the culture they were taken from, that's re-introduction, not assimilation."

"But I wasn't taken from any culture," Cecil said, his voice starting to get angry again. He was not Bajoran, he was Cardassian. He was always Cardassian, he didn't see how his mother was trying to re-introduce him to a culture that was never his own to begin with.

Without skipping a beat, she took out another photo, this one was taken in Tozhat Province. It was baby Cecil with his two Bajoran parents, smiling in front of the orphanage. Cecil's mother was holding him in her arms, wrapped in a blanket. Cecil's father was a tall Bajoran man, smooth skin, handsome features, the resemblance was clear. He also happened to look oddly like that Founder Kronos-- hmm? "But you were-- Eshen, look at baby Nalas, look how happy he was here."

2

You know what? Eshen did mind. Eshen did mind having to bring his job into his personal life. Eshen did mind having to watch Nalas deny something he never even had a chance to have. And he did mind that he wouldn't even be here, doing this, if he didn't have such confusing feelings for Nalas. But what the hell was he supposed to do with all that? That's not what Nalas needed right now. And there was only one thing to be done with feelings he didn't want to have. Eshen stilled his voice, straightened his back and put his hands in his lap. "He was happy there. Then a Cardassian came and locked him in a closet."

1

"Because of me," Ellara said in a soft voice, a bit surprised that Eshen knew so much about her son, but also a bit thankful that Cecil had been able to come forward with some of his trauma. She knew what happened to him on Cardassia, but never had the strength to come forward with it. She was too afraid of causing anymore trouble between her and her son. "It was my fault, I'm sorry, Nalas."

"It was Marnah's fault. It was always her fault. She was the one who insisted we pray Bajoran prayers and sing Bajoran songs. I wouldn't have been punished if she didn't try to force her culture onto me. All the times I got in trouble were because I was covering for her." Cecil took a few seconds to catch his breath, he did not plan on getting angry again. "Father never let her eat dinner with us because she would always pray before eating. It was embarrassing. All her suffering, all these tears, it's all self inflicted because she refused to adapt."

"Illogical," Eshen said, voice devoid of emotion. "She was trying to practice her beliefs just the same way as your father did his. You were punished for being yourselves. The punishment, the pain - it is always the fault of the person holding the knife, not the one wounded. You are only blaming your mother because you are afraid of blaming your father, because you are afraid of him."

"I'm not afraid of him. I like him a lot more than Marnah," *Cecil didn't raise his voice, but there was clear anger in his voice. "If Marnah hated life on Cardassia so much she could have left, no one was forcing her to stay."

She knew Cecil was always closer to her ex-husband, but hearing him say it out loud felt like knives stabbing her heart. "But if I left I would have never seen you again... I stayed so I could watch over my only son, is that a crime?"

"You are afraid of him." Eshen stood up. "Turbolifts. Fearing to speak your own language. It is evident. You were held hostage. Your mother stayed because she loves you. That kind of love is a privilege not many receive." He had been afraid of saying these things because he was afraid of pushing Nalas away. Of course, he wasn't afraid any more. He wasn't anything. And perhaps it would be better this way. Sacrificing his relationship with Nalas for the sake of his development. All things end sooner or later, right? Of course, this one had barely started, if at all. He would spend his life wondering, like Adill, but that was okay. He had been doing that ever since his first attempt at love ended badly. Rule 4.2: Kill a relationship before it dies.

2

Why was Eshen suddenly turning against him? Cecil really thought Eshen was going to be on his side but... He was taking his mother's side? Cecil had the utmost respect and trust for Eshen, more than he had ever had for someone in his life. Well, maybe except for Tey'ma, Tey'ma supported his Cardassian views though, Tey'ma always agreed with him. "Is that what you really think?"

"Eshen please," Ellara gently pat Eshen's arm. She didn't want to see her son and his friend fight. They seemed really happy together, whatever it was they had going on. She didn't want to ruin that. She had already ruined more than enough relationships for her son. "I don't want you two to fight because of me."

"N-No, Marnah. Eshen, if I am scared of my father why am I Cardassian? I haven't lived on Cardassia for years," He was still angry, but he wasn't going to storm out again. He had done that twice and he felt like he owed it to his closest and most trusted friend to at least hear him out... A little. Maybe there was some redemption for little Ratana Nalas.

"Like I said before. I will not deny the years you spent on Cardassia are a part of your identity, regardless of the circumstances. You should be thinking less about why you are Cardassion and more about why you're not Bajoran." Eshen stepped a little closer. His gait was stiff, almost military. "Would a person who grew up in a healthy multicultural household not call themself Cardassian-Bajoran? Accept multiple identities, like I do? Why don't you do that? Think, Nalas."

Cecil kept his eyes on Eshen as he listened to the other's words. Be Bajoran and Cardassian? Cecil didn't like that idea, he would never be Bajoran. Although he could not deny that his friend was making sense... It was just a matter of if he was willing to take Eshen's words to heart. "I still want to be Cardassian," He said in a soft tone, the anger quickly disappearing from his voice. "But... Maybe I'll give Marnah a chance," He looked at his mother who nodded slowly. "Maybe I could try to be.. Bajoran and Cardassian."

"As long as I can still call you my baby Nalas, I don't mind if you are Cardassian too,” She said in a soft voice. Eshen was a really diplomat and she was glad to have him.

Oh. He didn't push him away, like he knew he was risking? Why? Eshen had a way with words, he supposed. That was why Nalas had listened. That was all. "Satisfactory. Perhaps you should talk with her, then. Sort things out. I have matters to attend to." He made to leave.

"... Eshen?" Cecil sensed there was something wrong but at the same time he didn't want to upset the delicate balance of peace that had just formed in the room. "I'm sorry for all of this, I really am," He said, making a mental note to treat Eshen to food or something in the future.

He left without a word.

"Nalas," Ellara stood up and went to hug her son. "Thank you, thank you for giving me a chance. I promise I won't force you to do anything you don't want to, I'm sorry," She was moved to tears when she heard her son say he was going to give her a chance. She wasn't going to mess this up a second time.

"Marnah..." Cecil just stood there and let his mother hug him. He wasn't resisting or pushing her away this time which was definitely progress. "I'm sorry too... I missed you."

"That's all I've wanted to hear for the past four years, Nalas," Ellara looked at her son and gently touched her palm to his cheek. Cecil was doing his best to hold back tears, but his mother knew. He was the son of a Cardassian spy, but he was also the son of a very strong willed Bajoran woman who could easily tell lies from the truth. "When we were on Cardassia I should have been more open to the Cardassian lifestyle. I am sorry I forced you to do things you didn't want to do. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I wanted to give you a foundation of faith because that's what kept me alive all those years. It's what kept the Bajorans alive during the occupation... It's the reason we have heros like Li Nalas."

"Marnah," Cecil wanted to say a million things, but only a single word came out of his mouth. He thought carefully about what Eshen had said. About forced assimilation... About his whole childhood. He also thought back to the words of that weird Dr. Richards. The one who accused him of being a victim of Cardassian brainwashing. He didn't think he was brainwashed, but perhaps the stress of Cardassian society did cause him to think and say some ugly things during his formative years. "It's not your fault, Marnah. You were doing it because you loved me, it was what any mother would do for her son," Cecil said as he rubbed the tears from his eyes. "I was the collaborator. When I was.. When I was eleven... Remember when father made you sleep outside in the rain for a week?"

1

Ellara gave her son a confused look, wondering why he had suddenly brought up a specific memory. "Nalas," She took Cecil's hands and held them in her own, kissing his delicate fingers. "Yes, I remember. I prayed to the Prophets every night, I had faith that they would help me get through the hot and humid nights with no food or water."

"It was me," Cecil gave his mother a serious look. "Father is the one who intercepted your transmission when you tried to arrange transport for me to go to Terok Nor and... I am the one who translated it for him," Cecil said, tears streaming down his cheeks. He had never spoken of this moment with anyone, not even Eshen. His whole life he tried to justify it as helping his father and that his mother was trying to kidnap him, but.. .Maybe it was the other way around after all. "It wasn't just that one time... It was every transmission. All your personal memos, everything. I did it because I felt like you deserved to be punished for being Bajoran." (edited)

"Nalas, no--" Ellara was stunned at the confession. Was this the real reason her ex-husband allowed her to tutor Cecil in Bajoran? How many of her transmissions did they intercept? Things were suddenly becoming clearer for her. The reason she was never allowed to sit at the dinner table, why she wasn't allowed to leave the house... Everything. All of her personal memos, transmissions, logs... It was not her ex-husband, but her own son.

"A-And that's why I could never be Bajoran. Because I have never stopped thinking about that," Cecil turned away from his mother, too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. "I couldn't be Nalas, I don't deserve that name," He said through his tears. "Li Nalas was the savior of the Bajoran people, he kept his faith even in the face of the Cardassians. He struggled in the mines and sacrificed all he had for Bajoran freedom. I dishonour his name and legacy... I am a Cardassian collaborator. I worked against you, tried to make you throw away your faith and our heritage. I don't deserve to be Ratana Nalas, I can only be Sissil Za'ari."

1

"You will always be my baby Nalas," Ellara walked to stand beside her son and put her hand on his shoulder. Cecil stayed calm and didn't resist. "I forgive you, Nalas. I have and will always love you unconditionally. You are the light of my life, my precious baby Nalas," She smiled, tears rolling down her cheeks as well. "My only wish is for you to be happy, with or without the Prophets. The past is behind us now, what matters the most is the future. I am sure Li Nalas would be proud of the Cardassian-Bajoran boy who shares his name. You are smart, brave, and strong just like him. You are the hero of my heart, forever and ever, my baby Nalas. Bajoran or Cardassian, I just want you to be happy."

1

"For you, Marnah, I will be Ratana Nalas," Cecil said as he turned to face his mother. He wrapped his arms around her and embraced her, finally, he was ready to be her son. "I love you.*

1

[D] The day seemed to pass in an instant. It was amazing how time flies when you are not having crippling childhood trauma flashbacks and manic depression. Cecil came back from his shift that day with his PADD in hand as he reviewed his research. He was pretty close to developing medicine that could give the Vorta their sense of taste long enough to last a full meal. Well, as long as that meal was under 10 minutes. Of course he would need to consult with the station's medica staff before he could send the medicine off to the Gamma Quadrant. He stepped into his quarters to see his mother praying at his alter. He was still not used to Bajoran spiritual practices but he allowed his mother freedom to do as she wished. "Marnah, we need to move this before tomorrow," Cecil said, walking in front of his mother who was in the middle of her prayer.

Ellara immediately sat up when her son walked in front of her. She was in the middle of a prayer, but she didn't scold him for it. She was more than happy to speak with his son, no matter what. "Why? Is there something wrong?" *Ellara asked, curious why Cecil was suddenly moving things around in his room. It wasn't just his Bajoran items, his diorama, his chia pets, everything.

"I'm going to speak with Yadik tomorrow, we need to have all of this moved,“ Cecil said as he placed his plushies and diorama pieces into a small box under his desk.

As soon as she heard the word 'Yadik' Ellara sprung to her feet and began helping Cecil put things away. It was as if they were evacuating for nuclear fallout, but no it was just a video call with Cecil's Cardassian father, Ellara's ex husband.

2

"Marnah, can you finish moving everything by yourself?" Cecil said as he grabbed one of the boxes and shoved it under his desk. He now has 3 full boxes of just stuff.

"Yes, I think I got everything. We just need to hide the alter. Maybe we should label the boxes--"

"No, that's too risky. Remember Yadik knows Bajoran, umm-- I gotta leave now, just move things wherever and I'll deal with it when I get back," Cecil said before quickly combing his hair and darting out of the room.

[D] Today was it! The 25th anniversary of the birth of her only son, Ratana Nalas. Even though they had moved most of Cecil's stuff into boxes, Ellara managed to put together a little birthday display for her son. She used his desk for the display, putting all his chia pets around the sides and setting up a small cake in the middle. The cake was a popular Bajoran jumja cake with carefully piped icing Oceanleafs, a flower that used to grow outside their home on Cardassia Prime. The words on the cake were the most intricate part though, Ellara had to do a lot of samples to get the Cardassian words right.

"Happy Birthday to my baby Nalas"

She had written in Cardassian and Bajoran for her son. It looked a bit strange using two vastly different writing systems on the same cake, but it had a certain charm to it. She was looking forward to her son's return, he was going to love it! Well, she hoped. She put a couple candles on the cake and waited patiently for her son's return.

4

[D] After is crazy day, Cecil finally returned to his quarters to find the wonderful display his mother prepared for him! "Marnah!" Cecil said as he rushed to his mother to give her a big hug. "This is amazing, wow Oceanleaf?" Cecil really liked the whole cake. It was a beautiful mix of Cardassian and Bajoran aesthetic. Maybe he could find peace between the two cultures in his mind.

She was overjoyed when she saw her son's face and hugged him back. Her baby Nalas was coming back to her and she was here for it! "My baby Nalas," She said when they separated, looking at him with love and admiration. He really looked... Like his father. Ratana Torel. Cecil had her eyes and lips and his father's nose and ears. Every time she looked at her son, she fell more in love with him. Her son was the most beautiful boy in the galaxy. He looked stunning in his outfit too, Ellara really liked the skirt. "Is the Cardassian correct? It took me some time to figure it out," She asked. "And happy birthday, my baby Nalas."

2

"It's perfect. Thank you, Marnah. I love you," Cecil said as he went over to his replicator to replicate some cutlery so he could try the cake. He cut a piece for himself and another for his mother. The cake was warm, rich in flavour, and very sweet. "It's delicious, thank you so much!" Cecil was just about to take another bite when his monitor began beeping, an incoming transmission.

2

Ellara grabbed the cake and quickly shuffled out of the room, leaving Cecil alone.

"Computer, voice only," Cecil said as he shuffed about in his room to try and change into his uniform. He could not show his father what he wore off duty. His father was a very traditionalist man. It wasn't that he would be mad seeing Cecil dressed up all pretty, but he knew he would get a few choice words about 'not being enough of a man'.

"Sissil? Are you receiving this transmission? It says voice only," A voice came through the monitor before the screen flickered showing the face of a very serious Cardassian man. Grey skin, narrow eyes, prominent ridges. He looked intimidating and commanding. Giyon Za'ari was not someone to be taken lightly.

"I'll be there in a minute, Yadik," Cecil said as he quickly combed his fingers through his hair to try and look presentable. He had to be a good Cardassian son now. He had to be Sissil Za'ari.

3

After he finished checking himself before he will inevitably wreck himself, Cecil plopped himself in front of the monitor and turned on video. "It's me, your son Sissil, hello Yadik!" Cecil greeted with a wave and a smile. He clicked his watch three times, feeling a slight stinging sensation rush up his arm. He said the device was painless, but maybe if used once or twice a day. It was not supposed to be used any more than that. The redness had progressed up his arm at this point, but thankfully he was wearing long sleeves. It was fine, he was fine.

"It is nice to see your face again. I have missed you. It hasn't been the same on Cardassia without you. Happy birthday, Sissil," Giyon said, giving his son a soft half smile. He was not a very smily person, but he knew it made his son happy. Giyon may have looked intimidating, but he considered himself a very empathetic and caring man. On Cardassia, family is everything. Cecil may not have been his son by blood, but he didn't love him any less.

"Thank you, Yadik. I am happy you called. I have a lot of things to tell you--" Cecil said with much enthusiasm. He seemed cheerful enough, but he actually had a lot of things he wanted to unpack with his father. A lot of difficult things. He hadn't forgotten about all the things he had spoke with his mother about. He wanted to confront his father about all of that. "Like... Recently I wanted to try and explore my Bajoran heritage. Now that I don't live on Cardassia I thought it would be good to explore my culture. I have a few Bajoran friends--"

"Bajoran? What are you saying, Sissil? You're Cardassian. I am happy to hear you have Bajoran friends but thar is not your culture. Are you getting confused again? Or is this something your mother convinced you to do?" Giyon's expression became harsher as he moved a little closer to the camera. "You can tell me, Sissil. What did she say to you? If she's making you uncomfortable I can talk to her, I won't let her manipulate you with her words and false tears. Please, tell me everything. I'm worried about you."

"No no, she's not manipulating me at all, Yadik. It's... I am not going to turn against her anymore. You are the one who wasn't treating her right," Already two seconds into the conversation and Cecil was getting emotional. His father's words hurt, they really did. He remembered all those times when he was younger. He actually bought his father's fake sympathy. He thought he was doing the right thing when in fact he was just being tricked into snitching on his own mother. The woman who literally gave him life and always stayed beside him, even when things were hard.

"I am only trying to help you, Sissil. I am only looking out for your best interest. I already told you, I recognise my mistakes in the past and I am sorry. I did not treat your mother well and I regret it every day. I miss her so much, it's so lonely on Cardassia without her," Giyon was quite good at the lonely man™️ act, he was even tearing up a little as he spoke. "If I could only rewind time I would go back anad change everything I did. I wish I would have taken the offer to live in Cardassia City. I only wanted to be the best father I could for you, Sissil. I regret everything, I was a coward for letting my fear of disappointing your grandparents control my actions. What I did was wrong and I regret it every moment of my life."

"Yadik..." Cecil's heart ached as he heard his father's words. He was truly sorry. He suddenly regretted painting him as the bad guy. He was scared.. scared of what his parents would think, just like Cecil was scared. It wasn't his father's fault, it was his Cardassian grandparents who had such strict rules. Both his mother and his father made huge sacrifices to be together. His mother was willing to be disowned for marrying a Cardassian, but that wasn't an easy decision. In fact, he thought his father was lucky he was able to stay within his family after marrying a Bajoran woman. The only trade off was they had to follow Cardassian rules, which was in Cecil's father's mind, a small price to pay. As long as all 3 of them could stay together... "You thought what you were doing was right, because you wanted us all to stay together. Thank you, Yadik. I know all you wanted was to keep our family together."

"That's all I ever wanted. Your mother is the only woman I have ever loved. I was so hurt when I saw her personal logs... She wanted to leave, she wanted to take you away from me and break up our family." Giyon looked away for a moment and then back at the screen. He seemed sincere in his words, a lonely man who just wanted a happy life with his Bajoran wife and her son.

Ellara listened to the conversation on the other side of the door. She may not have been able to speak Cardassian, but she could understand what was being said. Hearing her ex-husband's words hurt her as she remembered all those transmissions and logs she had recorded... the ones that her ex husband and Cecil had worked to intercept and translate. Was she the bad guy? Was she the one who was in the wrong for trying to get her son off of Cardassia Prime? Maybe she really was the one in the wrong, trying to split up their family. Just because she was willing to leave her family for the sake of love doesn't mean Giyon should have been expected to do the same. In fact, it was quite brave of him to even bring them to Cardassia in the first place. Cecil lived a happy life on Cardassia Prime, a life that he surely wouldn't have had on Bajor. He was constantly teased and bullied when they lived on Bajor. Why did she ever think he would have been better off growing up amongst those types of people?

1

"It's okay Yadik, I understand. We were all suffering," Cecil said, genuinely believing that his father was going through a lot at the moment. He felt bad for blaming him when in the end it was his father being stuck between pleasing his own parents and trying to protect his family. Family was everything on Cardassia and this situation had a lot more shades of grey than he thought. "So.. That's why I want to try and make things right again. I love you and Adik. Please, I want to try and be Bajoran. I can be Bajoran and Cardassian."

"But you're not Bajoran, Sissil. Maybe on the outside, but that's not truly who you are. you were miserable on Bajor, you can't possibly tell me that's where you think you belong? I remember picking you up from school, you were crying every day. And.. You never were very good at Bajoran," Giyon said with his full heart. A father who was very concerned about his son. He remembered how uncomfortable Cecil always was around Bajorans and to think that he wanted to go back to that life was insane to him. His son was Cardassian and only Cardassian. There was no place for him in Bajoran society.

14:26

"I... Yes I know," Cecil said as he looked down and thought about all those times. All the times kids teased him, pulled pranks on him, and threw rocks at him. The times when he would tell his father to wait outside his classroom and not come in when he picked him up.

"I remember having a conversation with one of your teachers. It was your mother and I, but for some reason your teacher would only look at your mother and never talked to me. I spoke Bajoran and wore Bajoran clothes, hid my tail, covered my head, but in the end I was told I wasn't allowed to come to your school anymore. You were so little then, walking ten minutes just to meet me at the street corner. You don't know how scared I was for you. My only son walking alone. Your school thought that was better than letting the children see a Cardassian." "Sissil, you cannot tell me you want to go back to the life and be with those people. You are perfect as you are, you don't need to pretend to be someone else, you are complete and whole just as you are, Sissil Za'ari. My one and only Cardassian son."

1

14:32

"I.... Thank you, Yadik. I love you and I am so happy to be your son. You have always looked out for me," Cecil was really questioning the things his mother told him and what Eshen said. His father had done wrong in the past, but he had valid reasons. Plus he has apologised.... Was he still bad? The Cardassians occupied Bajor and apologised and now they are a productive and open society. People change and now that some time has passed things are clearer.

"And that is all I care about. I just want you to be happy amongst people who love you. You never have to be anything but yourself. I would never ask you to change yourself or your identity. You are perfect just as you are." Giyon's gaze softened as he looked at his son. "Happy Birthday, Sissil. I can't wait to see you again, please let me know when you can take shore leave, I was thinking of renting an apartment in Cardassia City when you come to visit. I don't want you to have to relive the painful memories in our old house. I want to spend time with you without my parents' judgements. Let me know, okay?"

"I will. Thank you, Yadik. I love you."

"I am not going to tell you not to explore Bajoran culture, but I know that's not what makes my son happy. I want you to really think about it. Don't forget where you came from. You're a Cardassian child, only son and heir of the honourable Za'ari house. You have always felt more at ease with Cardassians. I hope you have a wonderful day Sissil, and happy birthday again."

2

The transmission ended and Cecil stood up to go inform his mother.

Ellara was already standing at the doorway when Cecil came to get her. She threw her arms around her son and hugged him. "Oh my baby Nalas... I'm so sorry, I am so sorry I acted selfishly back then."

"Marnah.. It's okay, I forgive you," Cecil sighed and hugged his mother back. He knew his mother had been listening the whole time and was worried she may have been blaming herself. In Cecil's mind, both her and his father were doing what they thought was right for him. They both did bad things, but it was out of love. There was no way he could still hold a grudge against his father for what he did and there was no way he could hold a grudge against his mother for trying to give him Bajoran culture. "But.. I'm not Bajoran. Yadik was right, that's not who I am. But I know that's important to you, it's alright. I will continue to study Bajoran culture and society, I still want to visit Bajor."

2

"I love you, Nalas. I.. You are free to be whoever you want," Ellara definitely felt hurt hearing her son say that, but she couldn't deny that the Bajoran people have always looked upon her son with a sense of disgust and disdain. How could she have been so foolish? Did she really think it would be smart to try and bring her son back to the Prophets? She never wanted to change who Cecil was, she did love him unconditionally after all. "I will love you no matter what. Bajoran or Cardassian, my baby Nalas will always be my baby Nalas."

4

[D] The following day Cecil was set to work the evening duty shift which gave him time to see his mother out that morning. The transport would leave at 0800. Cecil was dressed in uniform as he helped his mother collect her things. "I'm gonna miss you, Marnah," Cecil said as he folded her clothes and put them into her bag.

"Me too, Nalas. I hope you can visit Bajor soon. I will tell the other Renjens to prepare for you to visit. They'll be so excited! I told them all about you," Ellara said fondly as she zipped up her bag and walked over to Cecil. She pressed one hand to his cheek and gently grabbed his ear with the other. "Nalas, your pahg is strong. You carry a beautiful mix of two wonderful cultures and I believe the Prophets see that too. Even if you don't believe in them, they will always believe in you just like your mother does," Ellara smiled at her son, admiring what a handsome man he had grown up to be. He really looked like his father.

Cecil was still unsure if he was multicultural, but he appreciated the sentiment. He was a Cardassian with a Bajoran face. He still was thinking about his father's words. Did he really want to be Bajoran? "Thank you, Marnah," Cecil smiled back at her. "And.. there's something I wanted to tell you," Cecil paused for a moment, wondering how to bring it up. "About Eshen. We are... involved. Romantically," He was so nervous about telling his mother. It wasn't that she was opposed to him dating, in fact she had always been hoping he would find someone. She didn't care who or what gender or what species.

"Oh my~ He truly is a blessing from the Prophets! That's so wonderful, Nalas! He is a very good boy, I would adopt him if I could," Ellara chuckled, already very excited to hear that her baby Nalas and Eshen were together! She had suspected it but didn't want to push the subject. She knew how difficult it was to tell a parent about....

00:28

"It's only been two days since Torel left and you want to remarry?" "You don't understand, Marnah, I love him! He promised to take care of me and baby Nalas. He is a good man! He's not like the Cardassians you know. He's kind, gentle, and would never walk out on me. He speaks good Bajoran too, he loves our culture and we plan to raise baby Nalas with both out cultures. I promise, baby Nalas will still be Bajoran." "He doesn't need to be Cardassian. The only culture Cardassians have is for exploiting and killing innocent Bajorans. He's bad, Ellara. All Cardassians are. He wants to steal your child and turn him into a Cardassian!" "NO! He would never do that. He loves Bajoran culture, we'll raise Nalas with both... Nalas will be proud to be Bajoran and Cardassian."

1

"Marnah, are you alright?" Cecil noticed his mother had been staring into space for the past ten minutes as he was grabbing the last of her things.

"W-What? Yes, I'm fine-- Oh, I'm sorry, Nalas. Alright let's go." Ellara said as she grabbed her bags and head out of Cecil's quarters with him.

Cecil arrived in his quarters.

05:22

[D] After all the craziness with his mother, father, Eshen, and Kassell, Cecil was thankful to be back to his daily grind. He had spent that morning at work and was now back in his quarters. Things were not much better though. In fact, things were worse now that he didn't have his watch. He regretted giving it to Eshen. He needed guidance... But not from Eshen or even his mother. "Computer. Begin transmission, Cardassia Prime. Gul Giyon Za'ari."

05:25

"Yadik, it's me again, sorry am I brothering you?" Cecil had forgotten what time it was on Cardassia. Judging from the screen, it was night time and his father was dressed in his civilian clothes and not his uniform. He tried not to call too late, but there were a lot of things still on his mind.

"Not at all, Sissil. I always have time to talk to you," Giyon said in a friendly and warm tone. It was really hard to believe this was the same man who used to lock Cecil in closets for hours on end when he was a child. Giyon appeared to be friendly and a caring father.

05:30

"What was the real reason you did not let Adik teach me Bajoran faith when I was younger? Why did you keep me away from Bajoran culture?"

1

Giyon looked visibly surprised when he heard his son's question. It was not something he was expecting at all. The Cardassian man showed a bit of disappointment as his expression went from warm and lighthearted to depressed and heavy. "Sissil. I told you that was not my choice. If I could, I would have kept my promise with your mother to raise you with both cultures. I was a coward back then. I was afraid of what my parents would think, and I was obsessed with keeping their respect. So obsessed that I ended up lying to myself and your mother," Giyon spoke softly as he leaned closer to the camera.

"But it was more than just following my grandparents' rules. The..... Indoctrinated perspective, was that also part of the plan?"

1

05:48

"There was no indoctrination. You grew up with Cardassian values because you are Cardassian. You went to Cardassian school and learned alongside other Cardassians. Who told you this? Was it a Bajoran? They love to twist history to make us the bad guys any chance they get," Giyon's voice turned to a harsher tone as his eyes narrowed and he looked closely at Cecil's expression.

"A Cardassian. Glen Kassell Arrek," Cecil also raised his voice, now beginning to see what everyone else had already known from the beginning. "Cardassians exploited innocent Bajorans during the occupation and robbed them of everything. They systematically worked to suppress Bajoran freedom and faith... Is that not exactly what was going on in our house?"

1

"Sissil--"

"Is that also why you call me Sissil and not my real name, Nalas?"

"You are my son Sissil, I will not allow you to deny your Cardassian heritage. You are free to explore Bajoran culture and faith, you may even visit your mother on Bajor, but I will not allow you to pretend you are something you are not." Giyon slammed his fists on the desk, causing a loud bang that would probably have shaken Cecil's poor roommate. "You are not Bajoran and you will never be Bajoran. They will never accept you. You were always terrible at Bajoran, I remember spending hours with you trying to run Bajoran encryption codes. Look in the mirror, Sissil. That earring you wear, is it not the symbol of our people? You are and always will be Cardassian. There is no place for us on Bajor or with the Bajoran people."

Before Cecil could even respond, the transmission ended and the screen went black.

1

[PADD] From: Ratana Ellara

The light of my life, Baby Nalas. I have arrived back on Bajor safely! I showed the other Renjens your photos and they are looking forward to seeing you one day. Happy Birthday to my favourite Bajoran and Cardassian son!! Please reply when you get this message. Love you so much!

1

[D] After a long conversation with Eshen, Cecil still wasn't going to respond to his mother's letter. No, he was going to make Eshen do that. He was too busy, there were too many things running through his mind. He felt betrayed, lost, and more unsure of his identity than he had ever been. There was no time for his crisis though, he had to go to work. He had a job to do, the Vorta were counting on him. Cecil combed his hair and straightened out his uniform with a firm tug on his shirt. When he met his own reflection, he saw a much different boy than the one who came to this station. He saw Ratana Nalas, Bajoran boy named after Li Nalas. A shy boy who just wanted people to like him. Eccentric, passionate, and a bit unorthodox. But that's not how he felt. In his heart he still felt like Sissil Za'ari. The only son of former Obsidian Order member Giyon Za'ari. Sissil was overly confident, boastful, and most importantly held views in line with the True Way. It had never bothered him before, but the mixed identity was eating at him now more than ever. With the clock ticking, Cecil had to get going. With long strides, he made his way for the middle habitat corridor.

Hey, Nalas, just wondering if you're up for a date to the louvre? For some reason, I've been feeling really French lately. - Eshen

Bonjour! The louvre? I love triangles! 1900 as always? - Monsieur Nalas

You know me well, ma chérie. See you at holodeck 3! - Eshen

1

It was a good thing Cecil took that long shower after work. He had to wash off all the cooties from that other science ensign and the crazy Russian engineer after all. He quickly finalised his name change request and sent it off to his superior officer. Hopefully it would get approved. Honestly, Cecil was looking forward to the day he could be Ensign Za'ari. Maybe it woudl be sooner than he expected. He donned his most French™️ outfit and headed out of his quarters.

[D] After his very eventful date with Eshen, Cecil returned to his quarters. He never thought he would enjoy being such a troublemaker. He spent most of his life trying to be a good boy perhaps he was just holding back his true chaotic nature all along. When Cecil sat down at his desk he saw he had a message waiting for him. It was from the Federation Registrar telling him his name change had been confirmed! Finally, he wouldn't have to walk around as Ensign Ratana. It wasn't that he wanted to hide his Bajoran heritage anymore, he would still be keeping his name Nalas. It was just the name 'Ratana' held no meaning to him. Ratana was his Bajoran father's name, a man he had never met nor planned to see. Also, a minor detail, but many people still didn't understand Bajoran name order, he had been called 'Ensign Nalas' too many times, at least with standard order he would be addressed properly each time. Anyway, he was looking forward to finally having a name that reflected both identities. Maybe he should tell his mother he changed his name? Another time, he was sleepy and had work the next day. He made a note to send her a letter, completely forgetting his mother was already on her way to Cardassia Prime.

2

"Computer. Begin letter, recipient: Ratana Ellara."

Marnah, Sorry I forgot to write you earlier. I just got really busy. My project is going terribly. I had a couple of problems along the way and it seems like the mistakes I made will take a while to correct. Anyway, aside from that things are good. I still want to visit Bajor during my next shore leave, I wanna visit your temple. Sorry I don't have more exciting things to tell you. I miss you and I love you. - Your son Nalas

”Computer, send letter." "--Wait belay that order." It had just dawned on him that his mother was in fact not on Bajor and the letter would probably just go to the Musilla Province temple. It wasn't like the other Renjens could do anything with it since his mother wasn't even on the planet. "Computer. Change recipient. Ellara Za'ari, Cardassia Prime. Send letter."

2

Back at his quarters Cecil went into his bedroom and flopped on the bed to sleep.

02:27

[D] After a solid 7 hours of sleep, he was up and ready to go to work. He headed out of his quarters!

After a long day at work, Cecil was looking forward to getting back to his quarters and eating a nice meal and then going to sleep. He noticed he had a message waiting for him, it was from his mother!

The light of my life, baby Nalas, Hello Nalas! Thank you for your letter! I am so lucky your father taught me how to use the Cardassian COMM system, I would have never been able to read your letter otherwise. I am so sorry your project isn't working out. I love you. Oh and also I wanted to tell you that your father apologised for what happened the other day. He's been busy so he couldn't contact you. I have spoken to him and he apologised. He says next time you have shore leave you should come to Cardassia. I actually plan on staying in Cardassia City for a while, I am doing some guest lectures at the University of the Union! Exciting! Your father has been so helpful too, he is the one who helped me get the invitation. Oh next time your free lets chat about it! Stay well, hope to see you again soon. - Your very loving mother, always.

1

Marnah, That sounds great! U of U? I'm really happy for you. Do send me the recordings of your lectures, I'll watch them after my shift at 1000 hours. Also I almost didn't get this transmission. I forgot to tell you I changed my name on the Federation registrar, I'm Nalas Za'ari now. I thought it would make sense to have Yadik's name since my address and emergency contact are all to him on Cardassia 1. Anyway, enjoy your time on Cardassia. I love you. Let me know if you need anything, you know my comms Number, Signed. Nalas Za'ari.

“Computer send letter. Bajoran encryption 1001." Cecil instructed, hoping to the Prophets and the guiding spirit of Legate Damar that his mother would understand what he was doing. He had this weird feeling about her staying on Cardassia. He learned his lesson and was going to stand by his mother this time. By this time he had about an hour to kill before going to work. He normally would replicate some junk food, but he heard a new restaurant had opened up on the promenade. Maybe the doctor would kill him for breaking diet, but he was allowed a cheat day! Cecil put on his uniform and slapped on some basic moisturiser and foundation before heading out. (edited)

[PADD Message]

Nalas, Please give me a call at your earliest convenience. I have exciting news. Signed. Giyon Za'ari

1

After a very eventful work day, Cecil returned to his quarters to find a message waiting from him. His father? He had to do a double take when he read it. Did his father just call him Nalas? He was skeptical, but he had to admit this was a step in the right direction. "Computer begin transmission. Cardassia Prime, Gul Giyon Za'ari. Please set up recording of this transmission and save it in my personal archive."

"Nalas, I am happy you called. How are you?" Giyon greeted his son, his tone friendly and warm. Cecil noticed the background in the video was not his childhood home, no, it was a much fancier room. Perhaps a hotel? It was hard to tell the exact location, Cardassian architecture wasn't exactly filled with lots of windows or open spaces. Even in the much more liberal Cardassia some things hadn't changed since the war.

"Hello Yadik," Cecil greeted with a neutral expression. He still had a lot of unresolved feelings towards the Cardassian man he called his father. He did not forget their last conversation nor the suspicions he had about his mother staying on Cardassia prime. * *"I am sorry I couldn't call sooner, I've been busy with work and in therapy to address my claustrophobia and traumatic childhood issues," Cecil's voice was firm and serious, he wasn't going to try and be a "good son" anymore. He wasn't going to let his father manipulate him, no matter how many crocodile tears he cried. (edited)

1

Giyon's expression dropped when he heard his son speak. Cecil had never spoken back to him in the past. It was very shocking to hear his son speak so assertively. As frustrated as it made him, to have his son speak to him so coldly, he didn't show it on his face. He looked sad, even pitiful. Did his son hate him now? Would he become prejudice against Cardassians? "Nalas, I am so sorry. I told you, I am sorry. I cannot change the past but I can change the future. That's why I wanted to tell you I purchased a house in Cardassia City. For our family, so we can all be together as we wanted from the beginning." Giyon's voice was honest and genuine, he truly believed this was the best decision.

"Our family? Who is 'our family'?"

"You, Adik, me. Just us three. We're still renovating, but we have a whole room for a Bajoran alter, Adik is arranging it. U of U offered her an adjunct position to teach about Bajoran faith." Giyon said as he moved to the side so Cecil could see the Bajoran ornaments hanging above the door way behind him. Cecil raised an eyebrow, clearly still very skeptical. "I am also learning about Bajoran faith myself, your mother even made me an earring," Giyon turned his head so Cecil could see his earring. It looked like Ellara's, but with a green gem like Cecil's. This was setting off many red flags in Cecil's mind. He gave his father a nod, but stayed silent. "That's it, I guess. I love you and I can't wait to see you again. Adik and I will be waiting for you to visit." Giyon could tell Cecil was not amused and wasn't going to try and force the boy to chat if he didn't want to.

(edited)

1

"Is that it?" Cecil asked in a flat tone. He was about ready to end this conversation. Giyon nodded and without even a goodbye, Cecil ended the transmission. He sat back in his chair as he tried to process all the information. So his father had purchased a house in Cardassia City for him and his mother? It did not sit right with him. The fact that his father was the one who hooked his mother up with a job at the most prestigious university in the Cardassian Union and had bought her a whole house with a room for Bajoran faith. It was too much power. It seemed like his father was doing everything in his power to keep his mother on Cardassia. The job, house, Bajoran alter, earring even, it was all about control. Cecil knew his father (and his therapist knew) and his father was not the type of man interested in charity. He was about as selfless as Gul Dukat during the occupation.

1

[D] Cecil couldn't get to sleep the following night. He had so many questions but he knew any conversation he had with his mother would most definitely be heard by his father. He had considered trying to speak to his mother in some Bajoran-based code, although Cecil's father spoke Bajoran (despite pretending he didn't in order to make Cecil learn Cardassian) and Cecil was barely conversational in the language. He woke up not feeling rested at all. He slept a whole 9 hours! But his mind was still swirling with a million thoughts. He wondered if it would be possible to request a holiday, he did not trust his father alone with his mother for a single second. "Computer, lights," Cecil rolled out of bed and put on his uniform. It wasn't time to go to work, but he thought it would be a good idea to take a walk and clear his mind beforehand. No tubes! He debated switching out his earring for his mother's, but symbolism aside, he actually preferred the one he made. He checked his cool Starfleet fit in the mirror briefly before heading out.

[D] After a long day of work. Cecil was finally back in his quarters. All ready for his scheduled chat with his mother. His father originally wanted to call him back, but Cecil insisted he speak with his mother instead. He had nothing else to say to his father, in fact, he didn't think he would ever have anything to say to him. "Computer, begin transmission. Ellara Za'ari, Cardassia Prime."

"Nalas! I am so happy you called! I was just getting dinner ready-- I have so many things to tell you!" Ellara appeared on screen wearing her Renjen robes with her hair tied up. No headscarf today, but she was at home after all. All seemed normal, except his mother was speaking Cardassian to him? Cecil definitely had a lot of questions.

"Marnah, it's nice to hear from you. Why are you speaking Cardassian?" Last time Cecil checked, his mother didn't speak a lick of the language. Sure she could understand when other people spoke to her (or gave her orders), but speaking it herself was something out of left field.

"Well as you know I am a professor at the U of U now. The university has allowed me to take some classes too! I know we had some difficulty communicating so I thought why not learn. Your father has been very helpful too, we're doing bilcultural immersion. During the day we speak Cardassian and in the evening we speak Bajoran, it's very fun," Ellara genuinely seemed happy about her new living arrangement. She was smiling and honestly never looked happier. Cecil noticed the Bajoran decorations in the room behind her, it looked almost too perfect.

"So.. During the day you speak Cardassian and in the evening you speak Bajoran?" Cecil was skeptical, especially since it was clear what was going on here. The rules have started.

"Yes! That's correct! My Cardassian is good, right? I am studying really hard for you, Nalas!" Ellara said as she lifted her arm so she could adjust her robes. That's when Cecil noticed...

"Marnah, is that bracelet new? It

04:38

looks very pretty on you," Cecil wouldn't say he was an expert on Bajoran culture, but he knew a betrothed bracelet when he saw one. He had even more suspicions now.

"Yes! Your father gave it to me. It's something he had been meaning to give me when we lievd on Tozhat. It's lovely, isn't it?"

"It is," Cecil was now not so sure he wanted to hear about how his mother's life on Cardassia had been. He knew everything he needed to know.

1

[D] After work and a very exhaustive counseling session, Cecil headed to his room. He thought about what the nice counselor said about finding connections on Cardassia Prime to watch over his mother. Cecil's father really was thinking ahead when he forbid Cecil from spending time outside of "pre-approved individuals". The list included only pure Cardassians and True Way sympathisers. But Cecil needed someone else his mother could rely on, someone who would at least keep her safe if anything went south with his father. Someone with power, money, and respect... "Computer, begin letter. Recipient: Tey'ma Antana. Cardassia Prime."

Tey'ma, Long time no communication. It's Sissil, the young Cardassian with a Bajoran face who used to visit you all the time. I hope you've been well. I know you're a busy man so I won't make this letter long. A lot has changed since you last saw me. I'm an exobiologist in Starfleet now and I have began to explore my Bajoran heritage. I changed my name to match my birth name, Nalas. You can still call me Sissil. The reason I am writing this letter is my mother has moved back to Cardassia Prime to be with my father. I don't trust him. Remember I told you-- I told you he was the reason I was scared to go home. Because he would lock me away in the closet as punishment. He kept so many things from me, my culture, the truth about the Occupation. Cardassia was wrong during the Occupation, they enslaved my people, I can't believe my father really convinced me I was nothing like them. But I am. I'm as much Bajoran as I am Cardassian. I still love Cardassia and I will always be Cardassian, but I know the truth now. So I want to know, could I ask you to keep an eye on my mother? She's a Bajoran on Cardassia, it's not very safe for her. I will give you her comms code, please respond asap. Signed. Nalas Za'ari

"Computer send letter." Cecil took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He hoped his old mentor would reply.

12:31

But the truth is he knew Tey'ma was a True Way sympathiser who was not subtle about his love for Cardassia, the old and the new. But he was the only connection he had on the planet who wasn't in close contact with his father.

Sissil, How wonderful to hear from you after such a long time! To learn you are well brings me great joy, as you were always so attentive in your youth. I remember you so distinctly that I scarcely need reminding of who you are. I must offer belated congratulations on your career in Starfleet. I have known many fine officers within Starfleet and I know that you will be among them in the future. Truthfully, I find myself relieved to hear that you have begun to embrace your Bajoran heritage. The worry I felt for you was immeasurable, yet I tried to keep your faith in Cardassia alive. Though my people have a history of beautiful and wondrous accomplishments, there is always the shadow of brutality beneath it. All things exist in light and shadow, yet we must persevere within the grey. To the crux of your letter, I shall endeavor to watch over your mother as best that I am able. Such dark days you endured… I know you have suffered and I dislike knowing that such suffering may persist anew. The Occupation was a complicated part of our recent history. Finding an identity that can make use of such tragedy in a positive light is something that both Cardassians and Bajorans must struggle to find stability within. What you are currently seeking is a meshing between two dichotomies and I wish you as much luck as I can for your search. Seek all truths, no matter how difficult those truths may be. It is the duty of a Starfleet officer to always engage in curiosity and I wish you to maintain that curiosity even when it is painful to do so. I will watch over your mother and strive to keep watch over her even when away from Cardassia. Thank you for your communication and stay well in the future. I am always available to talk if you need me. Tey'ma

The reply from Tey'ma was elegantly written. His old mentor was just as he remembered him. He felt reassured by Tey'ma's words and he knew he had made the right decision. His mother didn't like Tey'ma, but perhaps now she would be more open to accepting his support. Cecil finished reading the letter and then grabbed his PADD to head off to grab some breakfast before his shift started.

He was chilling in his quarters after re-reading Tey'ma's letter again. Had he really misinterpreted his favourite writer's works all these years? He remembered all the late nights with Tey'ma, talking about philosophy and Cardassia's fate on the galactic stage. He felt horrible, he couldn't believe he let himself pick and choose what parts of Tey'ma's works to pay attention to. It kept him in the dark from the true subtleties and nuances the writer was trying to paint. Tey'ma's works were never pro Occupation or pro Cardassian imperialism, that was merely what lay on the surface in order to draw readers in and show them the truth. Cecil had been up all night reading and rereading. If anyone knew about the rifts between the two cultures it was Tey'ma. A Cardassian boy raised on Bajor with a Bajoran family. Taught to hate his own people. Cecil was falling asleep, he was definitely going to miss his shift at this rate.

Knock knock.

He may have been falling asleep, but he definitely heard a knock at the door. Cecil jumped up from his desk and immediately went to see who it was. ”O-Oh--Eshen, hey , what brings you here?"

"Well, firstly," Eshen gave Nalas a quick greeting kiss. "Secondly, we need to talk. May I come in?"

He happily kissed Eshen back with a smile and then stepped aside so the other could come in. His quarters were a real mess. Papers and books everywhere. He was re-analysing all of Tey'ma's works, tons of scribbles everywhere. Cecil's quarters were usually a mess, he was the definition of an eccentric scientist and it showed. He plopped down on the sofa and crossed his legs. "What is it, Eshen? I have some news for you too."

"...You need any help cleaning this place?" Eshen was big on cooking and cleaning. Househusband material. "There's a lot of stuff here. Maybe you should go first."

Cecil shook his head and kicked some of the papers to the floor. He was too tired to even think about cleaning, maybe after work or tomorrow, maybe never. He had too many things to think about. "Umm.. Well Marnah moved back to Cardassia Prime... My father set her up with a teaching position in Cardassia City and they live there now... together," Cecil looked away from Eshen as he spoke, his voice soft and full of anxiety. “I asked an old friend-- my mentor, to look over her. He's a writer," He explained. "I'm scared Marnah will get hurt again."

Eshen's brow furrowed in concern. As he talked, he picked up the papers Nalas kicked from the floor, as well as other things. Nalas may have been too tired to think about cleaning, but he wasn't. "...That can't be right. She switched jobs and planets and moved to Cardassia just like that? I hope your friend is trustworthy. I don't want want Marnah - I mean, Ellara to get hurt again either."

Cecil took a deep breath, smiling at little when Eshen called his mother 'Marnah'. He was happy his mother and boyfriend got along, it was a good sign of things to come. "My father says he is trying to make up for lost time. He's wearing our earring too,” Cecil said as he watched Eshen pick up all the papers from the floor. He felt bad he wasn't helping, but he was barely keeping his eyes open at this point. "He is trustworthy... He's a Cardassian who grew up on Bajor to a Bajoran family and was taught to hate Cardassians. In man ways, we are alike.. He is the one who used to watch over me when I was too scared to go home,“ Cecil explained. ”He's the writer who wrote about Cecil and Trin--- it's a story.. Where I got my name Cecil," He said as he began to pick up some of the papers that were on the sofa. He couldn't help much, but he did stacked the papers neatly on the side. "He was relieved to hear I was finally standing up for myself-- for all Bajorans. He told me to seek all truths, no matter how difficult those truths may be."

"Ah, so he's your Grandma." Wait. That sounded utterly deranged. "I mean, in that he's a person outside of your immediate family who you came to rely on in your youth. I had one of those too." Eshen looked at one of the papers. He gleaned nothing; he didn't know Cardassian. "Seek all truths, even if difficult," he paraphrased, "Especially for the both of us. Wise advice. I'd love to read his works in a book sometime, instead of all over the floor." He stacked some papers on the sofa and gave Nalas a look that said not to kick them over again, then resumed his cleaning. "Your father... Be careful. This is too sudden a change of heart."

Cecil nodded and stood up with the stack of papers and put them on his desk. He was still sleepy, but he couldn't just let his boyfriend clean his quarters alone. "Y-yea, something like that," Cecil smiled weakly. "He's a famous writer-- Tey'ma Antana. His works are translated into other languages, it's... Mostly gay romantic tragedies," Cecil wasn't sure what kinds of books Eshen liked, but maybe he would like Tey'ma's works. Tey'ma had a lot of philosophical thought pieces, a diplomat like Eshen could find interest in that. "My father has already started making more rules again, but Marnah doesn't seem to notice. I spoke with Marnah a few days ago, she's learning Cardassian now," Cecil went back to the sofa and sat down.

"Sometimes even benevolent things can be subtle attempts to maintain control. My parents were always trying to control one another with their rules for me. It was like a passive-aggressive battle. Whoever got me to be more like them won. But their power dynamic was a bit more balanced than it sounds like your father's and Ellara's is." This really didn't seem like the Nalas who refused to question his father, who regurgitated Cardassian propaganda on a whim; had Eshen been foolish to doubt him? The fear he'd felt earlier turned to guilt and tangled his guts in knots. "To be honest, I both read and write a lot of gay romantic tragedies. Actually, now that I think about it, I might very well have one of his books in my quarters." Eshen cleaned up a few more bits and pieces, leaving Nalas to sort out the rest another time, then walked over to the sofa, flopped down and casually sprawled across Nalas' lap.

"Marnah didn't like Tey'ma when I was younger, she thought he was a bad influence," Cecil watched as Eshen continued to pick up papers and sighed. It felt like the closer they got, the more similarities they seemed to discover. Cecil was a bit surprised when Eshen flopped on his lap but he gave the boy a kind smile. This was... Loving, and domestic? He liked it. "Really? You should read it, I recommend Love is War, it's sad, but it has a strong message about embracing your inner truth," Cecil said as he admired how beautiful Eshen looked. "I will always love Cardassia, but I cannot let my father try and keep the Occupation alive by subjugating my mother in our house, not again. Family is everything, but not when it impedes Bajoran freedom, no matter if it is me fighting my father or the whole True Way movement."

Eshen mostly nodded along until Nalas got to the part about fighting the whole True Way movement. That might be one of the best damn things he'd ever heard Nalas say, and yet at the same time it felt terrible to hear. "I'm sorry," Eshen blurted out. "I talked to Sauk, and he told me the things you said, and I thought..." Eshen covered his face with his hands. "I doubted you, Nalas."

Cecil's eyes grew wide and he stared at Eshen in shock when he heard that Sauk had spoken to Eshen. In fact at this point he had completely forgotten about Sauk and the whole mess hall incident, he had much more pressing matters to attend to. Between therapy and talking to Tey'ma, the whole thing slipped his mind. Cecil gently placed his hands on Eshen's and sighed. "It was a misunderstanding.... And I got angry," Cecil began. "When I lived iin Tozhat, my father always picked me up from school. Him and Marnah were trying to raise me bilingual so I would speak Cardassian to him and the kids in my school would call me names. They said I was a Cardassian collaborator and I wasn't Bajoran," He shook his head. "They were judging me without knowing the full story... And then what happened with Sauk he-- he sounded just like those kids. He wouldn't even listen to me, he just swore at me and stormed away. I wondered if Bajorans and Cardassians could ever get along, it reminded me that I will always be stuck between both sides."

As much as he could relate to Nalas in several aspects, one thing they didn't have in common was that one side of Nalas' heritage had tried to commit genocide upon the other. Still, he would try to understand the best he could. Eshen removed his hands from his face so he could hold Nalas'. "That must have been very upsetting. It's easy for him to judge, and even understandable. But his reaction, or your father's, or those kids - they don't define you. Only you can do that. Even if you feel stuck between the two, I promise you, you have the right to both." (edited)

He let Eshen hold him as tears began to form in the corners of his eyes. As much as he was trying to embrace his Bajoran heritage, he couldn't forget all the pain and trauma he had to endure on Tozhat. "Sauk didn't even care to ask, he just accused me... Accused me of being a Cardassian apologist," Cecil said in a strained voice. "It was just like those kids--" Cecil was full on sobbing now, he was so distraught. "Eshen-- My classmates' parents complained when my father would pick me up from school. They complained that it was traumatising for their children to see a Cardassian every day. So my teachers told my father he wasn't allowed to come to the school to pick me up anymore, but Marnah was busy at work. Every day I had to walk to school and back home by myself. I was 5."

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"Nalas, my darling," Eshen said. If he could cry, his eyes would well up with sympathy tears. He rearranged his position so he was straddling Nalas, not for anything saucy, but so that he had a slight height advantage and could wrap his arms around Nalas and hold him against his chest. "I know it hurts. I'm so sorry you went through all that." He understood why they'd reacted that way, but still - "It wasn't right of them to treat a child that way."

The words from his lover rang in his ears as he threw his arms around Eshen and let all his emotions out at once. buried his face in Eshen's chest as a waterfall of tears ran down his cheeks. The images were so vivid. The hot and dry Tozhat heat mixed with dehydration and confusion as a young Nalas walked home each and every day. "They called my father a butcher and they would throw dirt at Marnah too," He muttered with a shaky breath. "On Bajor I was oppressed by society, on Cardassia I was oppressed by my own family. I love being Cardassian and I'm slowly learning how to be Bajoran, but it's not enough. Neither side will take me, I know Sauk never will."

"We don't know that," Eshen pleaded, pushing Nalas back a little so he could hold him by the face and wipe his tears and look into his eyes. "If we both explain things to him, everything, maybe he'll understand. And who cares if neither side takes you? You take them! By the horns! Make them acknowledge you're a part of them whether they like it or not! They can deny gravity all they want, they'll still fall!" That was what he did, after all.

He couldn't help but crack a small smile when Eshen started with his colourful metaphors. The man had a way with words, maybe that's why he was so in love. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes. "I don't know if I can really explain it... Cardassian is a language of subtext," He began to replay the events of the other day in his mind. He remembered exactly what he said and how Sauk could have misunderstood. "He probably told you what I said,“ He blinked some more tears from his eyes and looked at Eshen. "In Cardassian culture we often pick sides to argue. We use hyperbole to explain the flaws in the other, but a Bajoran wouldn't know that, he would never understand."

"I mean, I'm at the very least not Cardassian, and I can understand it well enough. Also, this really helps my anti-translator agenda." This exact circumstance is why you don't take the easy way out when it came to languages and communication. Next up: the replicators. As Nalas' tears fell, Eshen kissed every one of them away. "Listen, Sauk is a good kid. If you catch him on a good day and you're sincere, I think he'll get it. And if he doesn't, there'll be people that will, myself obviously included."

"Anti-translator agenda?" Nalas couldn't help but chuckle a little when Eshen said it. "That may be a problem for me, I only speak one language fluently, Eshen," Well, maybe two, his Bajoran was improving and his wasn't too bad at French or Standard. Still, he considered those other languages to be of 'decent every day life' level. He let Eshen kiss away his tears, his messy hair getting even more tangled in the process. "I... I don't know about Sauk. Honestly, I was just going to consider that bridge burned. I don't know if Bajoran society is really ready for a Cardassian boy like me. How ironic that Cardassians were the aggressors but the ones holding the biggest grudge and prejudice is the Bajorans."

"Well, getting oppressed and war-crimed does tend to instill a fair amount of understandable bias in a people." Eshen tried to fix Nalas' hair the best he could. "And perhaps that bridge is broken, but don't give up on rebuilding it one day. I'm very strong, I can lift all the bricks for you; you just need to give it one more chance."

Eshen was so optimistic, even in the worst times. Nalas let the other try and fix his unruly hair, but honestly his hair was no cooperating. He definitely needed a sonic shower after this-- maybe he could invite Eshen to join him? Oh lah lah. Perhaps. "I know there will always be tension between my two peoples, but it's not impossible. I mean-- Marnah married my father. She has always been open minded, she worked at the ophanage on Tozhat to help Cardassian war orphans after all," Nalas explained, realising that was one detail he didn't think he told anyone. It wasn't a secret, but it was something that had just never come up before. "Maybe I can talk to Sauk later... When all of this is over. I wish I could invite Marnah to live on the station with us, but she would be unhappy here. She seems really happy teaching about Bajoran faith at the U of U."

"You're right, as much I'd love us all to move in together in some bungalow on one of our native planets. I do hope she visits again. It's lovely that she helped those war orphans - a good example of a Bajoran willing to give Cardassians a chance. When she was here, I felt cared for, too. It was like having a mother-in-law." Eshen untangled himself from Nalas and sat beside him on the sofa, but kept one leg draped over Nalas' lap and leaned his head on his shoulder. Evidently, ever since they'd decided on a label for themselves, Eshen had taken that as permission to be a little more clingy. "I'm worried about her, but I'm not sure what we can do from here that you haven't already tried."

"A bungalow? There are some nice farms on Cardassia Prime. Aside from my family, Cardassians are very open, we have a lot of civilian-run press," Nalas said fondly, thinking back to all the debates he had when he was in school. In fact, school was one of the few places he felt like he belonged. Cardassian children were ironically more open minded towards Bajorans than Bajoran children were to Cardassians. "Marnah loves helping everyone, I could tell she trusted you," Nalas didn't mind how clingy Eshen was, in fact it was nice to be in a relationship where his affections were returned. Too many failed crushes and attempts at courtship. He placed a hand on Eshen's head and closed his eyes, breathing slowly. "I wouldn't mind settling in France either... Eating crepes with jam for breakfast, drinking lemonade," Things were beginning to calm down, he was glad he was able to tell Eshen all of this. "Tey'ma promised to watch over Marnah, I know he will tell me if he suspects anything and-- even though I don't trust him, for now Marnah is happy and safe."

"Happy and safe... That's good to hear." Nalas seemed a little sleepy. Eshen wondered if he'd have to carry him to bed. That would be cute. If he didn't have to meet some Romulans in 45 minutes, he would suggest they just had a nap together. "I like the France idea. Charcuterie boards for breakfast. Vulcan and Klingon are obviously important to me, but I don't think Marnah would enjoy living there." Eshen didn't even notice the slip of the tongue this time. "Say, Nalas, what are you doing for the next 45 minutes?"

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"Charcuterie boards? I love those!" As if night had turned to day, Nalas was smiling again. Honestly the academy was one of the most freeing experiences of his life. It was hard, sure, but he loved exploring France and Germany with his mother. "Next 45 minutes? Ummm... I was gonna read more of Tey'ma's poems and then think about you before falling asleep," A light blush covered his cheeks. It sounded so much stupider out loud, it was very romantic in his head, in Cardassian.

"Thinking about me after reading romantic tragedy? How very sweet of you." Of course Eshen would be flattered by that, even through translation. "I have somewhere to be in forty-five minutes, which means I should really leave in thirty, but do you want to just chill out and read gay poetry and maybe make out a little bit 'til then?"

"Uhh-- i-- yes! Sure Eshen," Nalas was still trying to adjust to the whole boyfriend thing. It was really strange and it felt like every day he was learning something new. He also realised maybe he should try and study up on French again, it was a romantic language and maybe his words wouldn't sound as stupid. Cardassian was hardly a romantic language after all. (edited)

[D] And so they did just that.

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He arrived in his quarters just in time for his call! "Computer. Begin transmission, Cardassia Prime, Ellara Za'ari." And Nalas waited for a response. And waited. It felt like it was taking forever, the screen stayed dark. After three minutes had passed he received an automated message.

"Hello this is Ellara Za'ari. I am not available to answer communications right now, however if there is an emergency you may reach me through Gul Giyon Za'ari via Culat University. Thank you and I should be back within the week."

Nalas' expression went blank as he listened to the message, recording in Cardassian no less. He put his head in his hands as he leaned over his chair to try and wrap his brain around what was going on. "Computer. Begin letter. Tey'ma Antana, Cardassia prime."

Tey'ma, My mother is no longer in Cardassia City, Yadik has taken her to Culat Province. Can you please find her and give her an update? I need this asap, send the information directly to me. - Nalas Za'ari

"Computer send letter."

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13:15

Now the waiting game began. He had so many things to think about but not enough hours in the day to do so. Nalas decided to head to bed and try and get a couple hours of sleep. Maybe by the time he woke up he'd get some word about his mother.

After a rather eventful day of work, he was ready to just get to his room and relax. Nalas plopped down at his desk and checked the time. When he turned to look at his clock he noticed a blinking light on his monitor. A message? "Computer, play message."

To my precious son Nalas, I am writing this letter to tell you that Adik wanted to apologise for missing your call. We took a holiday to Culat to see the countryside together. It was something she had always dreamed of so of course I had to take her. I hope you will understand. I am sending over some money as well, buy something nice. - Yadik

Something didn't feel right. If his mother was fine, why was his father the one writing the letter? And giving him money too, Nalas quickly checked his account to see how much his father actually gave him. Three bars of gold pressed latinum. That was... He had to think about the amount of Lek, conversion was tricky especially when the Federation didn't use currency. Well, he couldn't return the money. Maybe he could do a little shopping. Nalas rubbed his eyes as he thought about what he could spend it on, of course the first person who came to mind was... "Maybe I can buy something for my boyfriend.." He thought aloud, pondering what shop to go to. He decided it would be best to take a walk anyway, maybe he'd find something,

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