Star Trek: Eventide 777

From: Lieutenant Dipoto, on behalf of Starfleet JAG corps To: Lieutenant JG. Vincent Ferrufino

Dear, Lieutenant Jr. Grade Vincent Ferrufino, the JAG corps has set a trial date of stardate 80280.67 where you will be tried for behavior unbecoming of a starfleet officer, failure to provide medical care, and impeding medical care. Your appearance at the trial is necessitated by law. A team of lawyers from JAG will be arranged on your behalf.

3

2

[PADD] From: Lieutenant Hsarr M’ow To; Lieutenant Junior Grade Vincent Ferrufino

Lieutenant, I just received a message saying you prevented my receiving medical care. What is this about? The JAG representative refused to answer my questions, saying that I was to be questioned.

Hsarr's message was immediately replied to with a generic 'message undelivered' statement.

2

Five days had passed since what he was mentally referring to as ‘the incident,’ largely because he didn’t have any other name for it. For the most part this had been spent in silent reflection (that was what you were meant to do with your time in isolation, right? Reflect on what you had done?) – and that reflection was largely filled with guilt. Guilt that he had harmed Steiger – he still couldn’t entirely comprehend it, the thought of what he had done being nauseating – then the guilt that he had abandoned Lieutenant M’ow, the guilt that he was letting both his colleagues and patients down… The list went on and on. At least he knew that the situation with said patients had been delt with. By some miracle Carol had been able to pick up the majority of missed appointments and ensure that nothing was missed. It may well be better off that she saw his patients from now on as well – catching sight of your counsellor handcuffed and being manhandled through the station by Security was hardly the best way to build rapport… And Vince was quite certain that word would have gotten around now about what had happened. Not only did he have to wait for this court martial, but he also had to wait to see what people’s perception of him would be. (He hardly expected them to approve of him anymore, considering what had happened.) He hadn’t been able to hear from anyone else, either. Security seemed to have cut his comms to both the station and the outside world. From within the station the only correspondence had been with Carol, all of which had been work-related other than a final ‘I’ll see you in session’ which he could presume was an indication of a psychiatric evaluation before being allowed back to work – if he wasn’t going to get kicked out of the fleet, that was. Aside from that there had only been one other message: the provision of a date for the court martial. It was not the best sort of mail to get. 777_divider

21:41

Near the beginning of him being confined to quarters he had requested the chance to speak to at least one other person, solely to keep them apprised of what was going on. Vince had figured that Security had forgotten but when another rare and unexpected message came through, he found that they had finally granted him access to contact this one singular comms code. As soon as he had finished reading the short message he all but sprang to the console (of which most functions had been locked), praying that he would manage to get this one call in before Security changed their minds. The dialling tone seemed to go on, and on, and on. Of course, it took a while to connect to Earth – but he couldn’t help but be paranoid, and was quite certain that Security hadn’t let him do anything at all… Until the display kicked to life, black screen brightening to the view of a sunlit open-plan living room and a woman stood in the centre, poised as if having just hit the button to answer the call, and looking very perplexed by the fact that said call was entirely unscheduled. Vince could have sighed in relief.

”Vicente?” The woman immediately asked, never content to drop that childhood habit of calling Vince anything other than his actual name. “I didn’t know you were going to call, I would have been ready to answer this thing, I don’t think it’s wired correctly through the new foundations and I’m going to have to fire the new electrician that the firm hired-“

“Carmen,” Vince managed to state, knowing it was rude to cut her off but well aware that he had to otherwise his sister would go on talking forever about anything that came to mind. It was an amusing trait, but not in circumstances when Security could cut off this call at any given moment if they wanted to. “Are you alone right now?” 777_divider

21:41

”Ajá – well, it’s just myself and Demi.” The camera was tilted and Carmen stepped aside to display Demi behind her, the two-year-old presently sat on the rug and seeming quite content to pull out tufts of cream-coloured faux fur. “Ignatios is out with our good viejo for the day – something about the pier and a boat and oh, I wasn’t interested. Why do you ask?” The camera was adjusted back to normal – and presumably that was when Carmen took note of Vince’s appearance. It was a rarity that he was seen out of uniform but there he was with a shirt and cableknit jumper, and he looked far more dishevelled than normal. “Is everything alright?”

Trust Carmen to immediately notice before he could get a word in. Maybe that made it easier – he didn’t have to try to bring this up out of the blue. “I… No, no, it’s not. I… I messed up. I made a mistake – a bad one.” Vince lowered his voice then. Demi, still dismantling the rug in the background, wouldn’t have understood what they were saying anyway… But it felt like a courtesy. “I’m going to be court martialled, Carmen. I don’t know what they might do. They could demote me, take away my medical licence, remove me from the fleet entirely – I don’t know. I don’t know.”

”What do you mean you’re going to be taken to court? Is this some kind of joke?” Carmen immediately asked in return, but the deadpan expression and no confirmation of a joke quickly made her realise otherwise. “You – You can’t be court martialled! You, break the law? What the heck did you do?!”

Vince grimaced towards the end – both at Carmen raising her voice, and at the fact that the toddler in the background briefly looked up before losing interest again. “There… Everything mounted up again. You remember PACT Galactica?”

”Yes, I remember, it was on the news – what about it?”

21:41

“Well – it had been… Tormenting me.” Carmen had lived through that breakdown of his four years ago – she would know what ‘tormented’ really meant. “We didn’t get any form of support after it. I wasn’t supposed to assist, Carmen, but I had to – and things started getting bad afterwards. So it took me forever, but I finally spoke to the CMO, just for a debrief…”

”What – and they decided to punish you for asking?” The woman ended up butting in. “I don’t think they can do that, Chente-“

“No, no, they’re not punishing me for that. I’m just giving you the context. I wanted to speak things over – and we did, partially – and I came to understand why she hadn’t offered us support afterwards, that she had felt bad about her own lack of action during what had happened… But then- Then-“ He paused, taking a slow breath in. “-Then she asked about setting up some sort of support group. With my help.”

On the other side of the comms link, Carmen could only blink. “…She does know your history, right? Read your file? I thought that was what these bosses of yours were meant to do, they were meant to know their staff and know what would screw them over in the head-“

“Carmen,” Vince cautioned, both because of the terminology and at the fact it was being applied to him. “Well – yes, yes, they’re meant to. But she didn’t know, obviously, and I didn’t want to end up in an argument so I left. But then on the same day – do you-“ another pause, exhale shaky this time. “-Do you remember the incident with the hospital facility on Mars?”

Knowing that Vince only would tell her off when it was required, she had stopped being somewhat sassy and instead her frown had deepened towards the end. “Yes, I do. What about it?”

21:41

“That patient… I won’t give you names, of course, but – that one patient, the one who lost her wife because we couldn’t get her out… She’s here. She’s my colleague, and my roommate. I was speaking to her for the first time when I realised. It wouldn’t have been right to not tell her, so… I did.”

”Oddio, Vincenzo; and what happened then?”

“We argued. Well – it was not so much of an argument, more… Me trying to explain, trying to clarify what both of us surely know… She was distraught, and rightfully so. And so was I- How do you explain that you didn’t want to leave a person to die, Carmen? How do you explain that it ruined you, just how it ruined them?”

There was silence from the other side of the comms feed for a good moment, but Vince could see that the line was still open. Carmen was just considering her words – a rarity for her. “I don’t think you do explain that… Not without difficulty. But how can they punish you for that? It was what, four years ago?”

“It’s… Not for that. It’s for what happened afterwards. We ended up getting a medical alert for an accident within the sickbay, and we both attended, and it was tense but the work came first… But then she started suggesting things that I felt could be done differently. All I was doing was offering an opinion, I just stated that I felt we should do things a different way… But then she decided that I wasn’t cooperating. Honestly, I promise you, all I had done was make a suggestion. I tried to de-escalate things, but again, she just asked for ‘cooperation’ that I was already giving – and then-“ Vince stopped then, voice wavering. “She stated that I had no problem with cooperating back on Mars.”

”Oh, Vincent…” You knew things were bad when she actually called him by his name. “She shouldn’t have said that. And she didn’t mean it, surely. She should apologise-“

“She doesn’t need to apologise. I’m the one that needs to apologise.”

”What do you mean?”

21:41

It was legitimately difficult to work out how to convey this tale. It wouldn’t surprise him if Carmen didn’t believe it. “I… I had never been so angry before, Carmen. Never, not once in my life. I don’t even remember it all. But I harmed her. I had grabbed her by the collar, pinned her against the wall – I don’t remember all of what I had said before I let go. I didn’t know what else to do – I was terrified, Carmen, towards myself- so I left. That’s why they’re court martialling me. This colleague, she dropped the assault charges, for some reason… But the rest still remains. ‘Behaviour unbecoming of a Starfleet officer, failure to provide medical care, and impeding medical care.’ That’s what the charges are.”

Once again there was silence from the other side. His sister seemed entirely taken aback, astounded, and in complete disbelief. “That… Doesn’t sound like you, Vincent. That doesn’t sound like you at all. You don’t get angry. You don’t fight people, I do it for you. Won’t – won’t they understand? Surely they’ll look over the circumstances, and your history…”

“I don’t know what they’ll do. I’m not JAG Corps, I don’t know how these things go, only what I’ve heard in passing… But I know it doesn’t sound like me, Carmen. But it was me, and even if they do consider the circumstances, I still need to face punishment for it. I… I just don’t know what they’ll do. What I’ll do, depending on what that punishment is. If they throw me out of the fleet I won’t have a job any more. If they take away my licence, they’ll be eliminating over ten years of training. If they demote me, then I’ll still have to deal with what everyone else says – what will my patients think? And – I’ll still have to deal with what I think. And I don’t know how.”

”…Are you getting help with this?”

21:41

“No – not right now. Right now I’m confined to quarters. But… I will do, afterwards. I’ll speak with one of the other counsellors, or if they don’t want to speak to me, I’ll… I don’t know, I’ll write my own prescription or something. It just… It isn’t easy. And I do not want to begin to ask for an easy way out – I don’t deserve that – but… I don’t know what to do.”

”You could just come home,” Carmen suggested then, voice conveying an uncharacteristically soft tone. “Whether they kick you out or not. Don’t run from the punishment, go through the proceedings and then… Just leave afterwards. I never wanted you out there with Starfleet, and neither did Madre. It’s dangerous out there.”

“It’s dangerous, yes, but someone has to do it. You don’t need to worry, you know that it’s always fine in the end-“

”Of course I need to worry!” In the background, Demi once again looked up, no longer content with tearing handfuls of fur from the rug. “I have one brother in a physical decline, the other in a mental decline! And you know that you could end up just like Olivio; one mishap with one of those transporters and those genetic markers get flipped and you end up suffering just like him.”

“Carmen…” Vince sighed, running both hands over his face before speaking again. “I am fine, and Olivio is fine. Did you not hear him the last time the three of us talked? He said that he would physically fist-fight Death so he can see his fortieth birthday. I know that he’s just been admitted again, but considering his track record of breaking expectations, I would think that he is going to be okay. And I will be okay, Carmen, of course I will. It’s… Just difficult right now. But I felt you needed to know – and I felt that you would be able to listen.” 777_divider

21:41

”Of course I would listen.” The statement was given as she strode back away from the camera to pick up Demi, hoisting the toddler up into her arms. “You know I would, always. I just worry. Between yourself, and Olivio, and the fight to get Ezekias back… I just worry. And now we have to worry about what our parents will say, too. …I think it might be good if I gave them a heads up in advance. You know that Taita would understand, but Madre…”

“She will be less than impressed,” Vince concluded. “But listen, really. Everything will be okay. Olivio will be okay, no matter what happens with this court martial, I will be okay. And you’ll get Ezekias back. Who knows – if this trial goes well, then I might speak to the lawyer for you. Maybe they take civilian cases and can finally be the one to get him back for you, no?”

Carmen shook her head in return – but a slight smile had graced her features. Trust her brother to somehow see the brighter side of an awful thing. “Maybe. Remember, though. No matter what happens, you can come back here. We wouldn’t judge, we would just understand. Olivio would love to have you back… And think about it this way. You wouldn’t need a medical licence to finally fill that gap in Madre’s orchestra.”

21:42

In almost a mirror of his sister’s own actions, this time it was for Vince to shake his head… But for the first time in five days, he managed a wheezy, partially-there laugh. “Perhaps the only thing stopping her from being disappointed in me would be her elation at finally dragging me into that ever-vacant violist position. It could have been you, if you hadn’t betrayed her with woodwind.” He went quiet for a second, looking upon Carmen and Demi in her arms. This was the family he had managed to let down… But also, one that hopefully did not care. “I should go now. I don’t know how long this call is allowed to last… And it looks as though you need to go about fixing that new carpet of yours.”

There was an eye-roll at the suggestion. “This is the fifth time she’s done it – I think we might just need to get rid of the rug. I’ll let you go, though… Besos, Chente; and good luck.”

6

[D] The door chimed.

After speaking with Carmen in the late afternoon yesterday the remainder of the day had been spent in further reflection and onwards into an entirely sleepless night. The morning of the date set for his court martial had dawned entirely too soon for his liking, and so far the morning had been spent with him doing nothing other than worriedly pacing the length of the quarter's living room, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jumper and trying to work out exactly how this would go. Needless to say, he was dreading it... But then again, he had brought this upon himself, so he had to simply deal with the consequences. When the door chimed he froze mid-stride, looking towards the sliding doors in what could only be described as legitimate fear. Oh, this wasn't good... But ignoring whoever was there probably wasn't the best idea, so with word to the Computer the doors slid open to allow the visitor to enter.

4

As the doors slid open it revealed not a Security officer, or JAG Corps officer, but Dagis. The Ferengi stepped into Vincent's quarters with a soft smile on her face in an attempt to reassure the man. She studied his behaviour closely, just like she did the last time they met, all while maintaining eye contact. "How have you been?" The woman asked softly after the doors closed behind her. As the doors closed an extra set of footsteps could be heard briefly, coming to a halt just outside the Lieutenant's quarters. "I'm sorry I didn't visit you sooner. Work got in my way."

5

Vince remained in that statue-still position until he could actually see who was there - and at the sight of Dagis and not someone unexpected, you could see the tension dissipate and his shoulders slump in relief. It was only a moment later that he resumed his pacing - but while the rest of his time spent pacing the interior of the quarters had been done in complete silence, it was even just pleasant to have someone in the room. Almost six days without being in any sort of proximity with another person was odd when you spent your time speaking to others for a living. "Oh, Lieutenant Commander - You worried me there, sir. I had no idea who to expect was at the door. I didn't anticipate having any visitors; Security informed me I wouldn't be allowed any, but... I suppose being a department head has its perks." Slowing his strides somewhat, he looked across to Dagis and offered a smile that was not all there, but at least the partial sense of relief behind it was real. "And please, sir, you do not need to apologise. Like I say - I hadn't expected anyone. It is nice of you to visit at all."

5

"Well, what kind of person would I be if I didn't check up on you? It's the least you deserve." The woman responded softly, maintaining her soft smile as she did. She continued to study the man's behaviour for a moment before speaking again. "You look like you haven't slept well. I honestly don't blame you." Dagis said just as softly as before. She was concerned for Vincent's wellbeing, but she didn't want him to know that, so she kept her expression the same. "And you don't need to call me sir, Lieutenant. Not here, anyway." The Ferengi said, offering a slightly bigger smile this time, although it was still soft. "I don't think formalities are required in situations like these. Although I did just call you Lieutenant, so... Maybe I'm a hypocrite." She said, offering a slight chuckle as she did.

5

'What kind of person would I be if I didn't check up on you' was honestly a valid question posed by the Lieutenant Commander. It would make her an entirely normal person who had no reason to associate with someone who had been given a handful of criminal charges and was awaiting a trial. It did make him wonder - why had Lieutenant Commander Dagis decided to help him in the way that she had, or was this just something that she did in general? Went out of the way for strangers? He hadn't encountered her enough to know - but he could certainly believe it was the latter. She seemed the type of person nice enough to do such a thing. "I feel as though we always rely on rank and then when we remove it things get strange. It's one of those formal boundaries that we're just used to - dropping it is like a form of conscious act and it always seems so... Awkward. But either way - I appreciate the sentiment... Sir." He couldn't not add it on at the end. He even referred to people of ranks under him as 'sir'; and that wasn't out of tradition, just out of general respect.

4

"You're right on that one. The awkwardness, that is. I used to refer to people as Sir, and frequently still do. Except now I'm being called Sir. I still don't think I'll get used to that." The Ferengi said honestly, maintaining her slight smile, before realising she should probably keep the subject relevent for now. Her smile faded a little bit before she spoke again, although there was still a hint. "I'll admit, Lieutenant, I'm not just here to check on you." Dagis said, before moving further into the man's quarters in order to lean against a cabinet. "I said work got in my way, but some of that work was for you. I've been in contact with my friend in the JAG Corps. When I told him about all of this he was quite interested in your... current situation. He wants to help you, just like I do. We can both tell you're not a violent person, so he wants to make sure you get defended fairly." The woman said honestly, maintaining a reassuring soft tone as she did.

5

Vince had been expecting some form of correspondence from the JAG Corps other than to issue him a time and date for the court martial. Normally you spoke to a lawyer beforehand, right? He was regretting not being more knowledgeable about this sort of thing... But he had never had to attend a court martial before and people only knew the basic information they got taught at the Academy, so he couldn't exactly blame himself. Perhaps this delay was because the COO had been contacting this friend of hers. He nodded slightly in return to Dagis's statement, finally slowing his pacing to a halt. "Well... I certainly would not decline the offer of assistance, sir. My knowledge of court proceedings is hardly up to scratch-" in between the statement he gestured towards one of the consoles, "and my attempts to read up on it all have been stopped by most of the console's functions being locked. As much as I know I am very much guilty - I would appreciate the help, even if it's just to ensure I don't do anything wrong during this trial."

Dagis nodded in response, maintaining her slight smile as she did. She knew Vincent was guilty of the charges put against him, but was he a criminal? No. Was he a bad person? No. Mental health always found a way to make people look bad. The Ferengi stopped leaning against the cabinet before continuing. "I'm glad you'd like the help, because it would be really awkward if I had to send him home already." She said with a slight chuckle. "He's outside. I can call him in if you'd like to meet him."

"Oh-" he blinked and then glanced to the doors as if anticipation that this friend of Dagis's would just magically materialise there. Of course that wasn't going to happen - but he still wasn't thinking entirely rationally it seemed, which was probably understandable given recent events. "-Well, it would be rude to not speak with him, no?" In truth he was incredibly nervous despite knowing that it was this person's job to be on his side, but they might as well get it over and done with... And sooner rather than later was probably wise considering that the time for that court martial was steadily creeping closer.

The Ferengi nodded in response once more to what Vincent said, before heading back over to the door and opening it. She poked her head out into the hallway before coming back in and moving to the side so the man could step in. "Lieutenant, meet Lieutenant Junior Grade Erik Johansen." Dagis said, gesturing to the man that now entered the room as she did.

A human man entered Vincent's quarters behind Dagis, standing at a whopping six feet. He was wearing the standard JAG Corps uniform and had a polite smile on his face. Despite being in the JAG Corps, the man looked like he could win a physical fight. He held out his hand for Vincent to shake. "Lieutenant Ferrufino. A shame we couldn't meet under different circumstances."

2

Vince reckoned that battering the living daylights out of the court probably wasn't the best way to go, but if anyone could do it, it would be this significantly burly man who looked as though he should be running an Academy boot camp and upstaging all of the cadets in physical fitness tests instead of serving in the JAG Corps. Looks could be deceiving though, correct? Stepping around from the other side of the coffee table, he walked over to accept that handshake. "A pleasure, sir, circumstances aside. Thank you for taking interest in this case."

1

"The pleasure is all mine. I've been looking forward to working on your case since the moment Commander Dagis asked me to take it." The man joked in his Norwegian accent. "It's a shame really. Everything you've had to deal with over the past years all leading up to the unfortunate moment that triggered this entire court martial. It's not a nice situation to be in for anyone, but based on what the Commander told me I think it's hit you quite hard."

Saying that you had been 'looking forward' to working on a case felt rather strange... But maybe that was just what people in the JAG Corps did. Then again, people in the medical field did the same: strange or rare or complicated cases were something that people sought after. Maybe he was a complicated case. Fantastic. Amazing. What a thing to have achieved... And if that wasn't unsettling enough, then the rest of the man's statement certainly was. But then again... As much as Vince didn't want to have to delve into things, it was going to have to be talked about, right? His entire defence probably revolved around work stress, bad cases, being relieved of duty, and a diagnosis of the fun PTSD-depression-anxiety cocktail that four years ago. This was going to be delightful, truly. "Things... Have not been a walk in the park recently, sir, no - and it is not something I would like to discuss, but presumably I have to."

3

"Well you are unfortunately gonna have to discuss some things, but I've already been looking through your history so I know the gist of everything that happened during your career. But I do need to know how these events effected you emotionally and physically if I'm to put together a decent defence." Erik said, sounding more than entirely like a lawyer right now. "You're not a bad man, Lieutenant. Rarely anyone is. You just snapped under the weight of everything you've dealt with. Frankly, the real villain of this story is the lack of mental health support you've received. Oh, and not to mention Commander Dreaxa essentially leaving you in charge of triage years after you left that field for the sake of your own mental health. Truly, I don't think anything is your fault at all." He said, sounding both kind and somewhat scheming simultaneously. But that was probably normal for la member of the JAG Corps.

1

Having someone fuel his distaste towards the Chief Medical Officer wasn't really what he needed... But it was nice to actually have someone on his side - and someone who knew his history... Something that Lieutenant Commander Dreaxa should have known to begin with. Not wanting any further sort of conflict (he had enough mental conflict as it was,) he simply offered a short nod. "It would be wrong for me to say that I am not at fault, sir, considering that only I am in charge of my own actions - but the sentiment is appreciated. ...Is there anything that we should be doing to prepare for this trial? I'm afraid that I know very little of how things are supposed to go..."

2

"There isn't a lot you actually need to worry about, Lieutenant. The process is really quite simple, and I'll be guiding you through the whole thing." He said with a reassuring tone. "We both show up and you sit down next to myself. We will be in the front row on one side, and the prosecuting JAG Officer will be on the other side. Behind us would be various witnesses, and visitors should anyone wish to show up, and in front of us is the Judge and various prosecutors. They all act as the jury." He explained at a slow pace, making sure to let Vincent soak up as much information as possible. "The Judge will arrive after we do, we stand out of respect, they tell us to sit, we do so. The Judge leads with instructions and controls the court. Once it's time you'll be brought to the front by the prosecuting JAG Officer after other witnesses have been called as well, and you'll be asked questions which you should answer honestly, but without incriminating yourself further. Simple answers only." Erik said, emphasising the last part to make sure the Lieutenant understood. (edited)

17:09

"Once they're done, you return to your seat next to myself. I do my job, you'll be called up again, I ask you a few questions and defend your side of things. We might go back and fourth a few times, and eventually we'll be asked to leave as the members of the Court determine what to do. Eventually we'll be called back in and there will be a verdict given by the Judge. Oh, and the Judge is to be referred to as "your honour", and the members of the court are "honourable members of the court"." He added, hoping he hadn't gone too fast for poor Vincent. "We have some preparation to do, though, and perhaps you'd might like to rehearse everything as best as possible, so we should probably get on with that." The man said, before the group got to work preparing for court martial, Dagis acting as a stand-in for various people. They needed to get it done with quickly if they were to be prepared in time for arriving at the Events Hall.

Days had blended together in the time following the court martial. It was difficult to keep track of time when you didn’t check the chronometer and had sleepless night after sleepless night and instead let it drag on and on with no sense of linear chronology any more. Things had been difficult, faced with the slowly-setting-in realisation of what had happened and all that it entailed. Immediately after the court martial he had returned to his quarters only to find that Operations, as efficient as ever, had already shunted him out to the deck specifically designated for civilian members of the station. That’s what he was, now – not a Starfleet officer. Just a civilian. It was with a building anger that he had went to the other deck, ignoring the gaze of those who had probably already gotten word. Immediately upon entering, his commbadge had been thrown directly into the reclamation unit. The rank pips from the collar of his dress uniform jacket were next, followed by uniform itself that he all but tore out of an unpacked box (a box that he had no intention of unpacking.) “Go on, take it,” he had snapped at the machine as if it were a representation of Starfleet as a whole, “you’ve taken everything else!” 777_divider

19:26

Anger had subsided with continued pacing around the living room of the quarters – but only slightly, settling into bitterness instead. Dictating to the computer, he had it remove his comms code from medical directories and unsubscribe him from the number of medical journals that he read. What was the point in still reading them? Starfleet had erased sixteen years of continued learning in the medical field, had erased his work to retrain when he only had two and a half months until re-qualifying, and had even erased his opportunity to just be a counsellor for an entire fucking year. Keep up your skills, some might have said, but what was the point when you couldn’t use them? When you were legally prevented from using them? There was no point – so instead of just Starfleet, he contributed to that erasure, too. Bitterness faded into grief over the days (or however long it had been.) It began with desolation and ended in a complete fear of the unknown. Not only had Starfleet taken away the present (no, they hadn’t, he had taken it from himself when he had screwed up so badly), but they had taken away his future. What was he supposed to do with himself for a year? Stay on the station and continually be under the scrutiny of the others there, just lingering like a weight on everyone’s shoulders and a constant oppressor to the likes of Steiger who didn’t deserve to deal with him being there? Did he go home, where they would supposedly support him – but did they deserve to have the family’s name tarnished because of him? ‘Did you hear about the son of Valeria and Emerico,’ people would say over in Es Castell, ‘Dishonourably discharged from Starfleet. That’s what they do to criminals.’ 777_divider

19:26

Carmen had messaged to see how things had gone. ‘Everything is fine, all a misunderstanding,’ he had lied. Imagine the stress, the reputation and perception – he couldn’t do that to her, to them. Then a message had come in from Carol, later on; her and Carmen being the two people he had received messages from, everyone else (understandably) giving him a wide berth, it seemed. ‘Don’t worry about your patients, we’ve managed to get someone else aboard. Come speak to me when you can. -C xx.’ So there it was: all it had taken for them to get another counsellor aboard was him being kicked out. It was evident that he wasn’t needed anyway. It was so easy for someone to pick up his workload and deal with the months of development he had been working on with numerous different patients. Angry tears had stemmed purely from jealousy and selfishness, then. And so what did it all leave for him? If anything was a constant, it was the conflict. That he couldn’t stay on the station, but he couldn’t go home. That this punishment wasn’t right, but it was deserved. That he was entitled to how he felt, but wallowing and self-destructive actions wouldn’t help anything. That the wrath and envy and pride were understandable, but that they weren’t going to get him anywhere. That they weren’t helpful, that they weren’t going to make him into a better person than his actions of avoiding his problems had turned him into. That he had to be better than this – but that God, it was not easy. 777_divider

19:26

Anger and bitterness and grief seemed to fold together into some sort of numbness, held in the fear of the unknown and the lack of balance to everything, discordancy reigning. Days of pacing until he wore away the soles of his shoes or sitting despondent and being consumed by the guilt culminated in the awareness that he had to do something, but exactly what was the question. In difficult circumstances you sought guidance from a person, but if you couldn’t face speaking to someone else right now, what did you do? He didn’t want absolution, or redemption, or to be told that he didn’t deserve this or that he was forgiven – he just wanted direction. It was as such that the pacing had eventually been forgotten about in favour of being sat on the floor, back against the edge of the sofa, one leg outstretched, the other drawn up to his chest. With head bowed, eyes closed, and hands held together with the beads of a rosary entwined around his fingers, he lapsed into something that his parents would have told him to do from the start – something he felt that he didn’t deserve to do. “Creo en Dios, Padre todopoderoso, creador del Cielo y de la Tierra. Creo en Jesucristo su único Hijo…”

7

[D] A message came through on Vincent’s console. The message was blank but had attachments.

To: Vincent Ferrufino From: Lt. Cdr. Dagis Subject: Hey Attached files: Voicemsg_1, Recipe_1 The voice message went as follows: “Hey… Vincent. Can I call you that? I hope I can. Calling you by your surname feels too formal. A-anyway, um… I just wanted to check up on you, see how you are. No doubt you’re not feeling great. I get that. That entire trial was just…” There was a brief pause. “Honestly, I don’t think you’d want to hear about that right now, which is fine. I just wish it hadn’t happened… But I’ve sent you a recipe for the replicator. It’s also an actual recipe if you get the time to cook it yourself. It doesn’t taste nearly as good from the replicator, but… I think you’ll enjoy it. It’s Ferengi, but it’s not horrible. I mean, for humans. I tested it on people at the Academy. Other species. They all seemed to like it, so I hope you do too. But if not, that’s okay. Just… try to remember to eat and drink. I’m sorry for not visiting you sooner. I’ll visit you at some point, but I have paperwork coming out of my lobes right now. Besides, I think you might like some alone time. I know I would if I was in your shoes. Let me know what you think about the recipe! Computer, stop recording.” The recipe itself was fairly simple, but seemed like a home recipe of sorts, akin to that which a mother might make for their children. Also, it was vegan.

(edited)

5

[D] A message came through to Vincent's console.

To: Vincent Ferrufino From: Enomoto Toichi Subject: Counselling Dear Vincent, Allow me to introduce myself. I am Enomoto Toichi, a new addition to Starbase 777's counselling team. I have been informed of your situation by Starfleet Medical, and I would be honoured if you joined me for tea in my office on stardate 89311.36. And do not worry, it isn't replicated. - Eno