Star Trek: Starbase 777 - ens-conti﹢ens-essen

Essen approached the door of her shared quarters with Elaiya. She pressed the doorbell, which rang, to no response. Essen manually knocked on the door. "Roomie? Anyone home? It's me." Nothing. "Welp. Place is ours!" Essen opened the door and strolled inside. "Make yourself at home!" It was a veritable hybrid rocker-college girl paradise. Coffee cups stacked in the garbage can, perfumes, hair tools, and posters on the wall from The Terminator, It, Chucky, The Matrix, Inception, and James Bond. Essen slipped off her flip flops and practically dove onto the sofa. "Come on in, don't be shy!" (edited)

Elaiya snorted. "Wonder where your roomie is. To be fair, I haven't met mine yet," she said as she walked in, looking around and noticing the posters on the wall. "Whoa." Elaiya took off her shoes at the door before flopping onto the sofa beside Essen. "Ah, that's nice," she sighed. "So - this is your place! It's really cool. Nice to see you've made yourself at home. When did you get transferred?" (edited)

"Oh well, they're probably out and about, I dunno," Essen replied. "Whatever, I guess. They do them, I do me, it's all good." "Yeah, this is the cave. The dark cavern, if you will. It's representative of my soul," Essen said, half-joking in her voice, but smiling such to connote that she wasn't entirely serious. "I only got transferred like two weeks ago. I'm what you can call fresh meat, heh! And yet, I seem to have much more capability to decimate my enemies than anyone else." Still, Essen didn't feel like she had settled in completely. Even with all these decorations, she hadn't adjusted fully. Hopefully Elaiya would help her adjust mentally and spiritually!

Elaiya laughed at Essen's joke, then leaned back into the sofa. Oh yeah, that was nice. She listened to Essen's answer, then said, "nice. This is...actually my first day here," Elaiya laughed, suddenly feeling shy. "How have you found working here so far?"

Essen smiled at Elaiya saying it was her first day. "You're really brave for taking big leaps on your first day, you know that? Not even I was that outgoing on day one. I had to scout out the perimeter, per se. But you? Nah, you're getting your nails done, and kicking ass already. I can tell you're on a really good path! I'm really proud of you." Essen snickered before she looked at Elaiya. "Instead of telling you about my work, let me show you how it's been." And with that, Essen promptly just let go of all tension in her body, letting it just slide down the side of the sofa, her top half simply flopping onto the floor while her legs stayed on the sofa next to Elaiya. Her arms flapped out to the side. "It's been like this."

"Thanks," Elaiya smiled softly at Essen. "To be honest, I've wanted to get my nails done for a while, so I couldn't pass it up!" Elaiya's eyebrows shot up when Essen changed her position, and then she couldn't help laughing. "Has it really been that relaxed?" she asked, surprised.

"Listen, you'll never not see me at a nail salon if I need it, we should do it more often!" Essen said. Laying relaxed on the floor, Essen could only laugh at Elaiya's reaction. "Not relaxed, per se, but just... Bleugh. Not enough action. I want chaos. I LIVE for chaos. And popcorn." Essen jokingly swung her foot around showcasing her spiral nails to Elaiya. "You want to get me popcorn--oh wait... Fuck...I don't have any... Shit! Uhhh... When I HAVE popcorn, then you want to make me popcorn." Welp, that failed miserably.

Elaiya practically screamed in surprise when Essen swung her foot around. "I'm not falling for it!" she exclaimed, eyes squeezed shut, until she heard Essen fumble and opened her eyes. "Pff-" Elaiya laughed. "Glad it was me and not an enemy! You need to practice," she teased. "Soon, you'll be getting the Captain to make popcorn for you. ...Okay that's a bit of a reach, but you get what I mean."

Essen snickered again. "How would you know I need to practice if you've never gone through it before?" She laughed. "What, are you wanting to be my practice partner or something? Well--it would yield practically unlimited popcorn for me... That's a GENIUS IDEA!" Essen's stomach practically growled at that. With her foot still in the air with her spiral nails towards Elaiya, she almost froze - she didn't know what to do or how to go about it. "Uhhh... Shit... I don't know what I'm doing."

"I can't be your practice partner!" Elaiya exclaimed. "You'll have me making popcorn 24/7!" Elaiya snorted when Essen admitted she didn't know what she was doing. "Should we get dinner? Seems like dinnertime." (edited)

"That's the idea," Essen laughed. In trying to be badass she just inadvertently gave Elaiya the chance to keep an inside joke going between the two of them. "Shit, you're never going to let me live this down, are you?" Essen's stomach growled again. "Ahhh, I suppose. If we can come back later and watch a movie. With popcorn." Aaaand there she was. Essen's childlike side came out yet again. Unsurprising, really, why anyone would expect anything different. "Well, in truth, I haven't gone to the food court yet. Might find stuff down there. So, I suppose for now, you are safe..." Before she lowered her foot and pushed herself back up onto the ground.

"Depends," Elaiya grinned. "Maybe one day you'll make popcorn for me." "Food court sounds good. Or the mess hall. I don't mind, to be honest," Elaiya said, getting up from the oh-so-comfy sofa. "Do you want to get changed first? Or stay in uniform?"

Essen let out a playful gasp. "Is that a challenge, hah?" The smile she had on was bigger than she had in a while. "I accept your challenge. It will keep me on my toes." And with that Essen swung her foot back up with her nails facing Elaiya before setting it back down and heading to slip her flip flops back on. "I hear they have just opened a few new places up," Essen said. "We can see what's down there. I'll keep myself from getting any coffee just because it's later in the day." *Essen stepped behind the curtain on her side of the room. "Eh, I considered going down in uniform but I'm not gonna do that. I mean, it's not like it's uncomfy. But this instead is like super comfy." And just like that she reappeared in her traditional Vulcan robes. "That's the only reason I even have these, honestly. They're just comfy."

Elaiya snorted at the pun, then waited for Essen to get changed. Once Essen had, Elaiya smiled. "They look comfy," the Ensign said, slipping on her shoes. "Would wear one of my shalwars, but they're for parties. Let's go," Elaiya added, and she made her way to the food court.

Elaiya walked into the room. "Ah," she sighed, sitting on the comfy sofa. "That dinner was nice. Do you have popcorn we could eat with our movie?"

Essen entered into the room as well, slipping off her flip flops before once again practically diving onto the couch next to Elaiya. "Oh--fuck! You're right. I don't have popcorn here... Shit. Uhhh...." She flustered up again just like she did earlier, unable to find a fix to this. She was stuck, and definitely she didn't want to embarrass herself in front of Elaiya.

"it's okay! Maybe there's other stuff?" If not, no popcorn was the way forward. Sadly. Elaiya had been looking forward fo chocolate popcorn. "What movie do you wanna watch?"

Essen remembered she had some snacks in a cabinet. "There might be some other things we can munch on!" Essen got up and opened her cabinet, searching inside. There were a few Vulcan snacks, a few smuggled munchies from vending machines on Earth, but nothing-- Underneath all of it, lay one hidden bag of unpopped popcorn. Essen practically beamed. "EYES ON THE PRIZE, ELAIYA! EYES ON THE PRIZE!!!!" Essen pulled out the lone popcorn bag from the cabinet, holding it up like a trophy. "You can't hide from me forever, you sneaky bastard," she said to the bag before tossing it into her microwave. Then Essen took the opportunity to joke with Elaiya again. "If I had seen that bag in there I definitely would have used my spiral nails on you into making it for me--no. For us." Essen's joke turned into a realization that her selfish tendencies weren't always the right way to go. Elaiya had taught her that, and in such a short time. "Hmmm... I'm not sure what movie we should watch. Let's flip through the catalog on the screen!" (edited)

Elaiya jumped when Essen exclaimed, but then snorted when she called the popcorn bag a "sneaky bastard" and put it into the microwave. "Oh please," Elaiya responded. "If you'd done that, I would've shut my eyes tightly, and then you would have had to make the popcorn." She stuck her tongue out at Essen before agreeing with her on looking through the onscreen catalog. "Alright! Which genre?" Elaiya asked, tv remote in her hand as she opened the catalog.

Essen couldn't help but start giggling uncontrollably, although not for long as it quickly dissipated, to Elaiya's response and her sticking her tongue out. It was more of a surprise than she was expecting, and certainly something she sensed would be one of many regular Elaiya behaviors within their very quickly growing friendship. "I feel like that's not the last time you're gonna do that." Essen looked at the catalog. "Hmmm... something action-packed. Even if it's horror. I love a film that came out in the second half of the 20th century. It's ancient, I know. It's called 'Psycho.' Want to give it a try?" The popcorn popped inside the microwave, small explosions and bursts echoing throughout the room, sending waves of buttery goodness through the air and into Essen's nose. Essen's eyes rolled back into her head as she detected this smell, and she almost lost her balance due to it. Essen let out an audible sigh as the wonderful butter scent enveloped the room. (edited)

"Sounds good to me," Elaiya smiled. "I haven't watched much from the 20th century, to be honest." The scent of buttery popcorn filled the room, and Elaiya inhaled it. "This is gonna be great popcorn."

Essen regained her composure before the pag of popcorn finished in the microwave. Essen opened up the microwave to an even stronger butter smell, her eyes rolling back in her head once more. After almost practically falling over, Essen grabbed the bag from the microwave before she headed back to Elaiya and hopped onto the couch next to her. "You'll like this one," Essen said. " 'Psycho' isn't really as SFX-filled as a lot of other horror movies. It's moreso the psychological bit. I like movies that make you think. It sharpens my mind." Essen switched the screen to Psycho, cueing up the movie before turning to Elaiya. "You ready? I am--I'm really excited to share this with you."

On seeing Essen almost about to fall, Elaiya got off the couch to catch her - only for Essen to grab the bag and sit down next to her. Oh. Elaiya blushed. "Sorry about that - thought you were going to fall over." She listened to Essen talk about 'Psycho', and her eyes lit up with interest. When Essen said the last part, Elaiya smiled softly at her. "I'm excited to share this with you, too." Then, Elaiya swiped a bit of popcorn and popped it into her mouth before grinning at her friend.

As the movie played, showcasing its full glory in monochrome film, Essen stayed close to Elaiya. She and Elaiya ate from the bag, back and forth, taking bits of popcorn and munching on it. Essen felt herself almost letting her guard down completely now that she was next to Elaiya. She felt that there was absolutely nothing to worry about now, not only because of the movie, but because she was with Elaiya. A few times she just took a moment to give Elaiya a content smile. (edited)

[D] The movie continued to play. Elaiya smiled back at Essen and moved a bit closer to her. Not just to get popcorn, but because she was glad to spend time with her friend. After the (to be honest, brilliant) movie had finished, Elaiya headed back to her own quarters, full of popcorn and ready to start work the next day.

Essen entered back into her quarters from the day's events. Surely, she was tired enough, and needed a chance to relax. She walked inside, slipping off her flip flops and then hopping onto her sofa like she usually did. It was a surprise the sofa wasn't broken. Essen ran her hands through her hair, hoping to soothe herself as a bit of stress had built up. She was hoping today would be a day she could finally take it a little bit easier from the chaos around her. Little did she know she'd get more than she bargained for.

Elaiya walked down the corridor towards her friend's quarters. She wanted to surprise Essen with chocolate popcorn today. She also had another, more hilarious agenda, but she didn't have to carry that out right now. "Essen! It's me, Elaiya! You in there?" Elaiya called, then remembered Essen had a roommate and cringed. What if the roommate opened up instead? Would that be awkward? Hopefully not. (edited)

The instant Essen heard Elaiya's voice, her face lit up. Elaiya was EXACTLY who Essen needed! Essen immediately jumped off the couch and dashed to the door, opening it up in an instant. "ELAIYA!" Essen practically screeched. She practically started jumping up and down at seeing Elaiya, she was so happy!

Elaiya practically screamed as Essen screeched her name, then laughed. "Oh, am I glad to see you! Here. Lil pick-me-up." Elaiya handed Essen the chocolate popcorn and stepped inside. "How's everything been?" the Ensign asked. "I haven't had much time to see you lately."

Essen's eyes almost popped out of her head when she saw the new object of her fixation before her - CHOCOLATE POPCORN! "YOU MADE THIS FOR ME???" Essen asked, her smile larger than it's been in a while. "Well I was kind of stressed before this BUT now that you and the popcorn are here I'm fuckin' AWESOME!"

"Yeah, I did," Elaiya smiled. "Glad you like it! Wait, stressed?" The black-haired woman added, becoming concerned. She sat on the sofa. "Is it the workload?"

Essen took a minute. "Eh, no, I just have a hard time keeping a hold of myself. Like... There's a side of me that's more Vulcan than me, and there's my normal 'me' side. I was going to relax for shore leave and I guess that just wouldn't happen. I don't know how else to describe it other than a sort of out-of-body experience. It was chilling..."

Elaiya frowned on hearing her friend's description. "I'm sorry about that," she said earnestly. "Is there anything that can help you with that? Say, a health service?"

"Yeah, sick bay was not too bad with it if I say so myself," Essen replied. "I just need a chance to let go for a bit. Just turn my brain off. That would make things so much easier." She chuckled at her joke, thinking it was only a figure of speech...

"Huh," Elaiya said in response. Suddenly, her earring fell down, near Essen. "Oh," she said, reaching down to get it.

Essen, not getting the picture, was confused why Elaiya was looking on the floor for her earring. "Did you drop something?" Essen said, not moving from her seat but looking around for whatever fell.

"Yeah. Let me just..." Elaiya tried to get it with her hand. "Oh come on," she groaned when she accidentally knocked her earring closer to Essen. "I am never wearing these again," Elaiya grumbled.

Essen felt the earring hit the side of her bare foot. "One sec, I think I got it." Essen bent down over herself off the sofa and happened upon, ironically, her very own spiralling toenails. Yes, there was the earring, but Essen was caught in place by the sight of the spirals on her feet. "I--er...um..." Essen struggled to speak.

"Essen? Helloooo?" Elaiya asked. She looked at Essen's face, then realised what was happening. "Earth to Essen!" the Ensign exclaimed, waving her hand in front of Essen's face.

But it was no use. Essen was slowly but surely falling into a deep trance. Her own method of self defense turned against her, and keeping her pinned mentally and consciously. "T...to....toe..." She struggled to speak again. But she could only speak fragmented.

"'Toe'?" Elaiya squinted at her. "Girl that makes no sense," she said, managing to pick up her earring and put it in her pocket without looking at the ground. Wait, Elaiya realised, remembering the toenails. "Oh. Oh." You see, this had been Elaiya's other agenda - to one day hypnotise Essen with her own nails. It had been a very silly idea, but now that it was actually happening in front of her, she was kind of worried. "Essen?" Elaiya asked again, hoping her friend would respond.

Essen's face was blank, her eyes glazed over. Her mind was slowing down, becoming unable to function for itself. "To...toe....toes...? Toes." It all made sense to Essen now. It was the spiral design. That's why she was becoming entranced. But she didn't know that. In fact, she couldn't know anything new. She was at a complete mental standstill, and still hunched over, staring deeply into her toes and the spirals on their nails. In that moment she forgot all about everything else in her entire life, even Elaiya. But that wouldn't last long, at least when it came to Elaiya.

"Okay...can you like, sit up? Properly? Don't want to have a bad back," Elaiya said, hoping Essen would not be stubborn and stay looking at her toes.

Essen did exactly as Elaiya said, her back craning up almost perfectly straight. It was never this straight to begin with, Essen wasn't the best with posture. But now she was sitting straight up. But, unlike what Elaiya had intended, Essen's legs moved too. It was a natural response, she needed to keep staring into the spirals, and the only way she knew how to do so was through her toenails. Now Essen WAS sitting up straight, but still essentially hypnotizing herself even further.

Elaiya's eyebrows shot up on seeing Essen follow her order. Oh, okay. "oh come on, Essen, put your legs down. You're gonna hypnotise yourself further otherwise." Elaiya got to her feet. How long was Essen going to stay like this? Hours? Days? The Ensign thought of what to do. She could tell Essen to just sleep, but then what if she never woke up? That was a horrible thought, so Elaiya pushed it away. What would Essen do? ...Then, she thought of something very silly, and a smile came to her face.

Essen complied, her legs craning back down to the floor, but she stayed completely blank. She wasn't able to even think for herself. At this point, she didn't want to. She just wanted everything else to do the thinking for her. Elaiya certainly sounded like she knew what she was talking about. So Essen naturally listened. But she would listen anyway, as there wasn't a thought in her mind that was moving on its own. All Essen could think about were the spiral nails on her own two feet, the image of each of the ten spirals slowly sending her deeper.

"Wait here," Elaiya said hastily. Some time later, it was all set up. Elaiya looked at the bedsheets, hammocks strung up, and sofas pushed around to create something that looked vaguely confusing. The floor of the common room was covered in gym mats. If Essen's roommate walked in, she'd surely be doomed, but Elaiya didn't want to think about that right now. "Alright! Do the obstacle course, but if you touch a pillow, you have to start from the beginning!"

Essen stood up robotically, approaching the obstacle course. Without even looking at the course, Essen was able to navigate a fair amount of it. She started at a sort of entrance made of pillows, then weaved her way around the hammocks... Until a few of her toes grazed some pillows. But Essen didn't see that as a loss - her toes were where the spirals were. She needed to respect those spirals. Not that she would deliberately graze pillows again, but still.

"You can do it Essen!" Elaiya crowed. Even though Essen couldn't hear anything but orders right now, Elaiya decided encouragement wouldn't hurt. She was also filming Essen, because Essen would appreciate this in the future. Probably.

Essen returned to the start of the course, again, still not even looking where she was going. At this point, Essen's mind was at a complete standstill, and she walked around almost as slow as a zombie. Regardless, she was able to keep her balance and stay upright. For the next few attempts, Essen would enter the obstacle course, and at various points throughout - she was able to learn not to get stuck at that one point again - she would, ironically, accidentally graze her toes against some of the pillows yet again. And again. And again... Essen didn't even realize how much time it was taking. Well, in reality it was only about a minute and a half. But still, she had no semblance of time, as all time had stopped for her.

Essen was going very fast, Elaiya noted, but she wasn't about to complain. She looked down and then remembered what she'd also planned to do. Ah, yes - she now remembered she was going to replicate dinner for Essen and her, just as a little treat. "Keep going!" Elaiya called in a singsong tone. "I'll just...do this..." Elaiya replicated two boxes of chicken korma, two rice pots, and a microwave. She put the first chicken korma box in the microwave for three minutes, then took it out with oven gloves she found before placing on one of three mats she'd set out. Then, she repeated this process with the second box, and the two rice pots. Fifteen minutes later, all the food was done, save for the veg. Did Essen like veg? Oh well, she was going to have to eat it this time around. Elaiya replicated some peas before setting them on the table too. There. It was done. "You good, Essen?" Elaiya called as she replicated a jug of water with two glasses.

Essen just kept on going through the obstacle course, over and over again, even if she didn't hit any of the pillows. She just kept on going, because she didn't have any other way to go about things. She was even more blank and mindless than before. In the middle of a pass through the course when Elaiya asked if Essen was alright, Essen froze. She tried to speak again, almost as if she was just learning to do so. "To...toes...? Toe--" Essen wasn't able to detect the smell of the korma or the rice. It was as if she didn't even have a nose. She was frozen in the middle of the course, just left in her own mind to go deeper.

Elaiya looked up and frowned when she saw Essen freeze. Had she successfully gone through the course? "Okay, um - forget the toes," Elaiya said quickly. "Stop doing the obstacle course and sit down on the sofa, please." (edited)

Essen promptly did as Elaiya asked - and she didn't even realize how polite Elaiya was being to her! Essen turned around robotically before slowly taking steps back towards the sofa, careful to avoid the pillows as Essen had instructed before, and sitting back on the sofa, this time, keeping her legs on the floor. She just stared straight out into nothingness, not even focusing on anything. Essen tried to speak now, but no words came out. It was almost like she was cut off from speaking, or if she had lost her voice. But she didn't even know how to form words now.

"Okay," Elaiya sighed. "Come with me. We're going to take you to medical, okay?" Elaiya took Essen's hand and helped her stand, then exited the door. Looked like the chicken korma would have to wait.

Essen nodded, standing up slowly, before following Elaiya out of her quarters to #medical-corridor

CW: Negative self-harm related thoughts, flashback to injury, gore The door opened to which Essen practically flew through it. Without even stopping, she threw her belongings on the nearby side table. This - this just couldn't get any worse. "Computer, turn on noise dampener," Essen said, her voice quivering. After a moment, she let out a forlorn yet melancholy scream. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!" Then there was silence. A silence that felt like it lasted forever. Then... "Computer, turn off noise dampener." Essen approached her bed without even slowing down, practically flopping onto it. She pulled one of the pillows on the bed close to her face before practically smushing her face into the pillow... And she cried. And cried. And cried.... She hadn't cried like this since the accident. It was all flooding back to her now. The memory of the machinery slicing into her head. Her eyes and face covered by inky layers of green. The searing pain, as if boiling hot liquid had been poured right onto her face. This was one of the very few times she wished it had worked - where she wished that the machine had won, and that none of the mistakes she made during her time in Starfleet would ever have had to happen. After what felt like an eternity, Essen removed her head from the pillow, which was now stained dark blue from her eyeshadow and eyeliner. Turning over onto her side, Essen could only stare out towards the wall, with a look in her eyes similar to that of a frightened child. And she cried. And cried. And cried... and due to her being a Vulcan, her cries were that much louder, and her eyes were that much more like waterfalls.

Thiru was just walking down the hall, thinking of what to do next since there wasn't really a lot to do. When she heard the crying coming from one of the rooms she decided to investigate. Usually Thiru let people have their privacy unless their was an investigation going on but those cries were that loud, so that she couldn't bring herself to ignore it. She softly knocked on the door and entered without waiting for an answer. The sight she saw was definitely not expected, a Vulcan crying this violently and being this emotional. This is when she noticed the huge scar going down her whole face. Instead of talking or asking if everything was okay, Thiru just quietly sat down next to her and with a comforting smile on her face Thiru looked into her watery eyes while carefully placing her hand on the Vulcan's shoulder. After a moment or two Thiru finally broke the silence and asked the Vulcan with a calm and soothing voice: "Do you want to talk about it?"

Essen didn't even hear Thiru come in - she was completely carried away in her own thoughts. When she did hear Thiru ask her about if she wanted to talk about it. Immediately, Essen almost instinctively hopped off the bed, landing and standing at attention. She didn't want to present herself like this. "My apologies, Lieutenant," Essen said, trying her hardest to keep her voice from quaking. "I didn't see you come in. I should have controlled my behavior better than this. I will ensure this won't happen again." Essen kept her eyes staring straight forward as not to disrespect Thiru. Regardless of trying her hardest to keep a neutral face, she couldn't stop crying. (edited)

"Forget about the formalities for a second, why don't you just take a seat and we can talk about it. Even though I am not a psychiatrist, I am sure we can figure out something together." Thiru said, keeping her calm and soothing voice. She gently grabbed her right and left shoulder and slowly sat her down again. "You can call me Thiru by the way. For now I am just someone trying to help you." Thiru was kind of impressed by Essen that she was this powerful and ready to serve at any moment was commendable. On the other side such blocking of one's emotions could sooner or later lead to much greater mental illness.

CW: Negative self talk Essen's eyes finally met Thiru's when she told Essen she could let her guard down. This was the moment she needed. She wasn't sure if she had unimpressed Thiru by her overly emotional display, but it turns out, thankfully, she didn't. "Thanks," Essen replied, her voice welling up again. "I needed that more than you know. Thiru." Essen sat back down next to Thiru, gaining her balance on the bed. Essen's eyes welled back up as well as they appeared like the eyes of a terrified toddler. "I'm not the normal Vulcan you see around," Essen preceded. "I've let all that emotional deadpan shit go. Hence why you see my place like this, and my face runny with eyeliner." Essen closed her eyes as she said words that she rarely ever had. "Why do bad things always have to happen to me? I try my best to just be normal like everyone else. And it always ends in a disaster. Doesn't matter if it's big like in battle or small like even talking to someone like this. Apparently I can never have anything right happen to me. That's how it's always been..."

"Don't say something like this, it will only get worse. You'll have to stick to the positive things or else you won't find out of the hole." Thiru said, she had never seen someone in such a bad state as this and that had to say something with all the violence she herself lived through in her previous life. It made Thiru sad seeing someone else in this bad of a state, she almost even teared up herself but was able to keep her composure and not reveal something to Essen that could hurt her even more. "Just let it all out, you're safe here and I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to." Thiru tried to get her to talk about her problems, from her own experience this had always been the best way to get rid of something.

CW: negative self-talk, discussion of injury Essen nodded slightly without closing her eyes, accepting that this was indeed a safe area for her to be vulnerable without fear of reprimand or ridicule. Even just meeting Thiru, she already learned something valuable about Thiru - that she could trust her. Without making an excess of noise, Essen just let her eyes run like waterfalls in front of Thiru. No longer did she feel like she had to hide it. And thankfully, it was noticed by only one higher-up. "What's to keep secret?" Essen said weakly. "Everyone who has been there, who has witnessed it, already knows. It's no secret. That's what makes it even worse... I want to believe that I belong here... I really do..." She leaned slightly in towards Thiru without getting into her face. "I almost died when I was a kid. No one could help me in time. I had to save myself. I just want to be a hero for others. But it turns out others--don't see me as one..." And with that Essen began sobbing once more.

"You don't have to be a hero for yourself or for others. If you set your expectation too high, you can only loose. Everyone has their moments, everyone has their ups and downs, you can't judge yourself for something that happend to you." And with that said Thiru decided to give her a hug, she felt like Essen really needed someone close to her right now. Thiru was patient with her, letting her just keep crying and crying until Essen would feel better. "Tell me about something positive that happend to you maybe that will lighten you up." Thiru tried to sound as motivating and energetic as possible, she wouldn't stop trying to help her until she would run out of ideas.

Essen wasn't expecting a hug from Thiru, let alone any higher ranking officer than her - but when she did receive that hug, her guard melted away even further. Essen was at first taken aback, unsure of how to respond. But then, as her emotions began to well up again, she reciprocated the hug, pulling Thiru in tightly. She hadn't ever had someone like this in her life, as an only child she never had a sibling. Thiru felt like an older sister to her right now... and she needed her. "Something good...?" Essen replied. But she tried her best. "Well... my friend Elaiya saved me from a medical emergency. I thought I was a goner but she brought me back. I also... listened to music recently. I've branched out to more artists other than KISS." Slowly, but surely, she was feeling better, even though still crying.

Thiru felt her slowly relax and become a little more calmer as she pulled her in. This was amazing, Thiru was so happy that she had been able to help her. "Tell me more about the music you listen to?" Thiru just tried to keep Essen talkign about something that she enjoyed and her mind in a happy place. Even though Thiru herself didn't care much about music but her long carrer in intelligence had made her an excellence listener. While she had more often than not used that to exploit people, now she could use it to help them.

Essen wiped her face, getting some of the tears off of it before sniffling and taking a breath. Goodness, Thiru was like a miracle worker! "Um, a little bit of Metallica?" Essen said, wondering if she pronounced the name correctly. "It's not something a lot of people here would jam with, I don't think. But it is really energetic. Connects with me. Same with another group called...Ghost, I think it is? Yeah. Ghost. Really old 20th and 21st century stuff." As she spoke, Essen realized that she was indeed calming down. Her muscles, once tense, were now loosened and she didn't feel at all like she had to hide who she was around Thiru. "I don't really... tell a lot of people about this stuff. You're one of the first... thank you." With that, a slight smile appeared on Essen's face.

Thiru slowly pulled out of the hug and was glad that Essen was feeling better. She never knew that she was this good at calming people. "How about you let me listen to the music to like. I have never really listened to music and I would love to learn a little more about it." Thiru asked, this time she actually wasn't just trying to help Essen. She was genuienly interested and loved to get some insight in to the music of the past. "Oh, don't thank me, you did all the work and opened up to me. Not a lot of people do that so I should thank you." Thiru said with an empathetic voice.

Essen's eyes lit up, although she was rather interested as to why Thiru wanted to listen to her taste in music as well. Regardless, she may have a new opportunity for a good friend on the starbase! "S-sure! If you insist!" She turned her head towards the center of the room, while wiping away more of the tears from her face. "Computer. Play my music playlist with KISS, Metallica and Ghost." No sooner did Essen ask that of the computer did "Cirice" by Ghost begin playing. And no sooner did that song begin playing did Essen's crying slow down a lot more than it once was.

Thiru began to smile as she observed Essen feeling better and better. Music did really have a huge impact on people but this was the first time she ever saw it herself. Thiru had never quite enjoyed listening to music but could definitely understand better now, how everyone could express their feelings through music. "How did they make the music?" Thiru asked interested, of course she knew about a few instruments but those sounded a lot different "Are they computer generated or is it something else?"

Essen didn't have the energy to dance along in her spot, but she certainly let the music fill her up. She turned to Thiru when she asked about the instruments. "Some of them are, most of them aren't," Essen explained. "Live performance is more truthful if everything is played 100% live and not played back on a computer or something like that - but overall, it just makes the sound feel more authentic and full. The vocals are going to come in soon!" Essen wiped away the last of her tears, feeling noticeably better than she was earlier. She felt safe around Thiru - even after just meeting her.

As Essen was feeling better and better, Thiru briefly checked the time and realised how late it was already. She had been here quite a while comforting Essen but it definitely had been necessary. Without saying anything, Thiru waited to the end of the song until she stood up and said: "I am so sorry but I really have to get going." She gave Essen was last hug for some comfort when she was gone and left the quarter while waving goodbye.