Star Trek: Eventide 777 - ┊grey-household

Some things had changed since Millie’s daughter had last visited. Different coats on the coat racks, but not all of them different. A new carpet in the living room. Fresh flowers on the big round table in the middle, where they always ate together. Or at least they used to when she still lived at home. Dried herbs hanging from the ceiling, filling the house with a wonderful scent. Latino music was playing in the background. Millie threw a glance at Mika as she entered. She wanted to read her daughter’s expression, though she’d never been perfect at that, she wanted to try at least. Why hadn’t she brought Isaac this time? Was he busy?

Namika’s eyes took it all in, as if they were hungry for familiarity. Every detail brought back memories - the smell, the flowers, the notches in the wooden doorframe, showing her and Rico’s heights at different ages… And then, there were the new things, like the red and orange carpet. “Feels good to be home,” she said honestly and then looked at her mother. “Where’s papaíto?”

“Still in the shop,” Rico answered in his mother’s place, “He stayed there so mamá could cook.”

“He’ll be back soon,” said Millie. She knew that Mika and her father didn’t really have the best relationship. But at least she was here, visiting. That was something. And Millie knew that her husband was trying to make an effort… in his own way. “Take a seat, I’ll bring the food! Rico, will you help lay the table?”

“Sí, mamá,” said Rico who was in too good of a mood to be lazy.

“I want to help, too,” said Mika and before her mother could protest, she went to the kitchen to fetch some plates. They were still in the same cupboard as last time when she’d visited. And Mika thought that maybe the world was in order after all. Everything was ok.

1

A couple of minutes later, they were all sitting around the table and eating tacu tacu. It was a simple dish with beans, rice, avocado and eggs. Millie knew that Mika loved it, had always loved it, even as a child. And by the looks of it, this hadn’t changed. “Glad to see you haven’t lost your appetite,” she said with a soft smile.

Namika swallowed and then chuckled. “Oh, please. As if that could ever happen!” She grinned at her mother. “This is amazing! It’s so much better than replicated food! Or even the things I cook. I really missed this.” She shot a warm glance at Rico.

“You should come more often! And stay longer. You always just stay for a week.” Rico pouted.

Namika felt a little guilty, but all she said in response was, “I need to plan in the time that it takes to go back and forth. Also, there’s things I want to do on the station…” Like avoiding her father. Honestly, more than a week with the man, she wasn’t sure whether she could do that. As much as she loved her brother.

“Is it very busy on the new posting? The Eventide, correct? How are you and Isaac liking it?”

2

God, three questions at the same time. Her mother had a talent for that kind of mind clogging way of conversation making. Mika took a breath, looked at her plate and said, “It’s not that busy, I transferred to the station 777 actually - where Isaac is - I do a lot of shuttle rides. It’s fine. It takes time getting used to.” It wasn’t a lie, none of it was a lie. But it felt like one and she hated it, hated it so much. But how the hell was she going to tell them that they broke up?

2

“I bet Isaac gets to fix cool stuff around the station!” Rico’s eyes lit up. Isaac had taught him a lot about engineering and he was a big role model for the young Peruvian boy. Little did he know… “How is he doing?”

Mika could hear the enthusiasm in her brother’s voice and she felt like her throat was closing up. She swallowed another bite of food, then reached for the juice and took a sip, just to stall for time. “He’s good, I think.” Again, not technically a lie.

“Oh, if you’re both on the station now, it must be nice to work closely together,” said Millie, “You should have brought him, you know?”

“Yeah, remember that thing I wanted to show you? He needs to see it, too!”

Namika nodded absently, unsure what else to say. Why, why did they have to adore Isaac so much? And why didn’t she? How could she possibly have fallen out of love with perfect, wonderful Isaac Elms? She bet her mother had already been planning their fucking wedding. What the fuck went wrong? What? She thought about what Mo had said on the holodeck - that sometimes neither person does anything wrong, and it still ends up not working out. But would her mother and brother be able to accept that?

“What’s he doing, by the way? Is he visiting his family, too?” Millie thought that she was doing something kind, trying to talk about something that Mika would enjoy talking about. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

2

That was it. Too much. Namika raised her head, eyes behind rectangular glasses finding her mother’s face. The fake smile had left Mika’s lips now. They wanted to know about Isaac? Fine. They should have the truth. “I don’t know,” she said simply, “I don’t know what he’s doing, because we broke up.”

2

Silence fell over the table. The Latino music in the background was too cheerful, the sun too bright, even Rico understood that this was dramatic. This was a big deal. He never would have thought it possible. Mika and Isaac had always seemed so perfect, such a dream team! How? He wanted to ask, but he didn’t dare break the silence.

Millie blinked. Imaginations and expectations shattered inside of her mind and she found herself amongst the shards. She was looking into the dark eyes of her daughter. A hard, cold expression was what she found. She knew that expression. She was half offended by and half afraid of it. “What?”, was all she finally said.

Jesus, Mika could hear the disapproval in her mother’s voice! “You heard me,” she said, her voice somehow more raspy than it already was usually. “We broke up.” Actually, it felt strangely empowering to finally say it out loud to them.

That hint of something rebellious in Mika’s eyes didn’t go unnoticed. Millie knew her daughter, or at least she had a picture of her. Her Mika, always on the lookout for trouble. Of course that would drive her and Isaac apart one day. “What did you do?”, she asked softly, but demandingly.

1

Namika could barely believe her own ears. “ME?! What did I do?! That’s the question you ask?!” She scoffed. “Wow! Thank you!” This was going just gloriously, wasn’t it? With a forceful motion, Mika pushed her chair back and stood up. “I’m full,” she said to the plate, threw a last, apologetic glance towards Rico and then left the house before anyone else could say anything. The door fell shut behind her. In the radio, someone talked about the weather.

1

Rico was unsure what to do. He looked from the door over to his mother.

Millie exhaled audibly through her nose. “That girl,” she said under her breath, “Wouldn’t know a good thing if it crossed her path dressed in neon colors and waving its arms.” She looked at Rico. “Finish your food.”

3

Rico was eager to go after his sister, but he did as he was told. It was unwise to talk back to his mother when she was already in a bad mood. Mika and her had the same temper. Together in one room, they were like a powder can about to explode. Silently, he ate up, cleaned away his plate and then asked if he could go outside. After getting permission, he left the house. He had a suspicion where he might find his sister…

1

And here they were again. This time in full number, all four of them seated around the table. Namika was sitting between her brother and her father, meaning that she met her mother’s eyes opposite from her, every time she looked up. The mood was tense. Not even the radio could make it better, not even the most upbeat tune, or the birds outside. Mika didn’t have any food in front of her, just like Millie and Rico, since they had all already eaten. Only her father was munching on tacu tacu.

Rico filled the silence. He knew that Mika would be grateful for it, and so he found things to monologue about. “The school trip was pretty cool, you know? We got to visit Starfleet HQ! I got to tell everyone my sister works in Starfleet. Bella was so jealous!” He chuckled.

“Yes,” said Millie shortly, “We’re all very proud of your career.” She meant it, even. But it was difficult not to think about how her daughter had stormed out of the house just a couple of minutes ago.

Namika’s father was quietly eating.

At least her father was being silent. It was a bit of a blessing, one good thing about him at least was that he wasn’t noisy or talkative. Yes, Mika was grateful for Rico’s rambling, because it eased the tension. But she didn’t want more questions, especially not from her father-

“Speaking of, how is work, Namika?” He looked at her.

She nodded briefly. “Good, all in order. I transferred to the station, because there’s more work there for me than there is on the Eventide. The ship’s mostly docked anyways.” And the station made her feel more needed. Not just that, it made her feel more wanted. She took a sip of juice and looked at her family, gathered in front of her. “I had to fly a shuttle out into an ion storm recently.”

Millie wondered why the hell her daughter had transferred to the station - where Isaac worked - if they literally just broke up!? But she didn’t have a lot of time to wonder, because concern filled her as Mika kept talking. “Into an ion storm?! That must have been dangerous!” She sounded a little scandalized, even though she should be used to Mika getting herself in life threatening situations by now. She wasn’t used to it. She’d never get used to her daughter being so reckless.

Kanye merely raised his eyebrows a little, no comment. He trusted Mika knew what she was doing. He’d seen the girl on a hoverbike, she’d escaped death enough times for him to be willing to believe that she would continue to do it. Maybe that was naive, or uncaring of him, but it was what it was.

“Woah!” Rico’s eyes widened. “An ion storm?! That must have been so cool!”

Namika chuckled slightly at Rico’s reaction. “Uh, yeah. I mean, I don’t recommend it, I hurt myself pretty badly, but it’s all good now.”

“Hurt yourself? How?”

“My shuttle was hit by an energy discharge and several systems exploded. I took some shards to my back, burnt my skin and fractured two ribs, but you know me - tough as nails.” She gave a lopsided smile, trying to ease her mother’s concern. “As I said, I’m all fine now.”

Millie frowned. Namika’s strategy to ease the concern did not work. “You were in a hospital? Why didn’t you tell us?”, her voice was very soft, not accusatory. She knew how hard it was for her daughter to be in anything that even remotely resembled a hospital. She would have liked to know that Mika was injured, so she could have helped with her daughter’s fear. Maybe.

Kanye kept eating. He listened, and he thought about the fact that indeed, Mika should have told them, but Mika was a grown up. She had to do her own thing. He let his wife handle the sentimentalities.

Rico bit down on his lower lip. Oh, shit, not the hospital topic.

1

Namika’s shoulders tensed slightly. “Only for a couple of days,” she said, as if a couple of days in sickbay weren’t literal hell for her. “I had friends visit me.” And Mo. She supposed she was just counting him as friend right now. “And as I said, I’m totally fine now. Really.”

“Good,” said Kanye, effectively putting an end to the conversation and changing the topic, “I will be going into town tomorrow. Would you like to come, Namika?”

She glanced at her father. She should probably accompany him. She should make an effort to bond with him. But oh, she didn’t want to. She’d given both of them enough chances. And thus, she shook her head. “No, thank you, but I’d rather like being out here at the farm. It’s more quiet and I’d like to relax.” And tinker with Rico.

“Whatever you say.”

Millie refrained from sighing. She really hoped Mika was going good. It occurred to her now that her daughter had to be going through a lot. Sure, Millie was concerned, but she had to put her concern aside and think about what Mika had to be feeling like. A break up, days in the hospital, a transfer… She had to be stressed out. “I prepared your old room, it’s all ready. You know we use it as a home office now, but the bed is made for you.”

1

“Thank you, mamá.”

The rest of the meal passed in relative harmony, though there was still the tense Damocles sword of the Isaac topic hanging over their heads. Namika didn’t mention it. Neither did her mother or her brother - Rico just kept on chatting about school and his friends and the latest ongoings in the city, which was something Namika was grateful for. Her father was silent as usual, eating and then excusing himself. That was the sign that the meal was over. “I’m gonna go to my room, catch some rest,” informed Mika, standing up. She gave Rico a glance that would tell him he was allowed to follow if he wanted to. And then a nod towards Millie to indicate that she wanted to be alone.

Millie understood. Her daughter wanted some privacy and she should have it. “Yes, call me if you need anything. Rico, would you help clean the kitchen?”

Rico pulled a face of dismay, but then he reluctantly agreed.

Namika left. She went upstairs and to the door of her old bedroom. It was clean. Cleaner than it had ever been when she’d still lived here. To the right hand side was a narrow bed with wollen covers, above it a garland made of paper. On the nightstand was a little hologram of the Milky Way. She’d made it herself when she was younger, a school project. On the left hand side of the room stood a big desk and a wardrobe. Namika dropped her shuffle bag next to the bed and let herself fall into the covers. They smelled of freshly washed alpaca wool and she closed her eyes for a blissful moment. Home. She was home. Or was she? Her eyes slid towards the hologram as she blinked them open again. She wondered whether she’d ever be able to call starbase 777 ‘home’. Right now, it was little more than a job. She reached into the pocket of her trousers and pulled out a small, metallic object. Whitman, the raccoon tamagotchi. She’d already fed him on the shuttle ride here, but she idly pressed some buttons and watched the little animations. She took a moment to indulge in her own phantasy and ask herself whatever Isaac might be doing right now. Maybe he had gone to Risa. Maybe he was flirting with a nice girl somewhere at a pool. Strangely enough, the thought didn’t make her angry. Or maybe it wasn’t strange. Maybe it was normal not to be jealous. Maybe it was fine to let him go. He deserved to be flirting with a nice girl. Someone who would treat him right, someone who wouldn’t fall out of love with him… (edited)

2

There was a knock on the door. “Muchacha?”

Mika looked up from her own hands and towards the door. “It’s open. Come in.”

Millie opened the door carefully, and closed it behind herself gently. “How are you liking the room?”, she asked, tiptoeing around the topic that she was actually here to discuss.

“It’s nice, thanks for prepping it for me. Reminds me of when I was younger,” she said, her tone not giving away whether those were good or bad memories - the truth was that they were both, good and bad. And everything in between. She twirled the tamagotchi between her hands and sat up on the bed, eyes looking expectantly at her mother.

Millie smiled faintly and then she pulled up the chair from the desk and sat down. “Listen, mi amor, I’m sorry for what I said today. It just came as such a surprise to me… I mean, you and Isaac…”

“I know,” said Namika, half frustrated and half resigned. (edited)

There was a small pause. Millie’s eyes went soft. “Mika, what happened?”, she asked gently.

Mika sighed and looked down at pixly Whitman. If only she knew. If only she knew what had happened, or when it had happened… “I don’t know, mamá. It simply stopped working. It wasn’t any one incident, it’s just…” She bit her lip, glanced up at her and said, “You know that feeling of falling in love with a good friend? You see that person frequently, they make you laugh, they’re easy to talk to, you care about them and it’s all good and nice and platonic. Until it isn’t. You start looking at that person with different eyes, with a new perspective maybe, something changes. Suddenly there’s more to that affection, more than just friendship. And you can’t even pinpoint exactly when that all changed, but it changed somewhere along the way and you realise you’ve fallen in love.” Her line of sight went towards the Milky Way hologram. “It was like that with Isaac, except the reverse. Shortly after I met him, I fell head over heels. We were so in love. You know we were. Foolishly in love.” She gave the stars a melancholic smile. “And then it changed. Somewhere along the way, all the ‘I love you’s became oddly platonic. And one day we both realised we’d fallen out of love. But well, that’s not… not easy to say. It’s just like when you fall in love with someone and you’re scared to tell them, because it’s easier not to say it. It’s easier to remain friends,” she rambled on, “You fall out of love and it’s the same, it’s terrifying. It’s so much easier not to say anything. Wake up next to each other every day, pretend it’s nothing, pretend it’s normal, pretend that you love him when you kiss him…” “I just…” She took a small breath. “There comes a point where you can’t lie to yourself anymore. Neither of us could. It sound cliché, but I know it’s better this way.”

3

Realisation dawned on Millie and she felt that she could finally understand, at least to a certain extent. “Oh, mi amor…” And she went over to sit by Mika’s side, pulling her into a hug.

1

Namika gave in to the comfort of her mother’s arms, resting her head on her shoulder. Her fist closed around the tamagotchi. “It’s okay. I’m getting over it pretty well I think. I just need time and space. I… thought of transferring away from 777 and Eventide, to- to get away from Isaac, but running felt… wrong.” Especially considering her history.

“Yes,” mumbled Millie, hand stroking Mika’s black hair. “You’ve made the right choices, I’m sure. I’m sure. You’re a strong person, mi amor.”

“Thanks.” Mika didn’t cry, she hated crying. Instead she clenched her jaw and after a while, she pulled away from her mother. “Thank you.”

With a soft smile, Millie took Mika’s hands into her own. “You’re always welcome here, mi amor. This will always be home, I promise.” And then she noticed that Namika was holding something in her left hand and she looked down. “What’s that?”

“Huh? Oh,” said Mika, and opened her hand to reveal the tamagotchi. “It was a gift. From…” A friend? The Station Commander? Mo, the guy who made 777 bearable? “My superior officer.” Ugh, cringe. “It’s an ancient type of toy.”

1

Namika’s mother frowned. “Your superior officer gave you a… toy?” Let that not be a euphemism please. Unless…

“Uh, yeah…” She was unsure what to say to that. “He’s really nice. He came to visit me when I was in sickbay and gave me this to pass the time. Guess I kinda grew fond of it.” She shrugged and put the tamagotchi back into her pocket. “Captain Mo is… let’s say he’s more approachable than any of my previous superiors.”

“That’s… a good thing, right?” Millie didn’t know about Starfleet things.

“Oh, yeah!” Mika nodded immediately. “It’s good! Well, you mustn’t be too approachable as an authority figure, of course, but you should be present and there for your crew.” Friendships between senior staff and lower deckers weren’t unheard of, but they did tend to be slightly problematic. Okay, not something that Mika wanted to think about right now! “Anyways, I should probably catch some sleep.”

“Oh! Yes. You must be jet lagged.” Millie ran a hand over her cheek lovingly. “Rest, mi muchacha. Maybe you can do something with your brother this evening, he really loves seeing you again. He missed you.”

“I missed him, too,” said Mika gently, and she thought about how she’d been in sickbay and talked to Mo about Rico, Mo calling alpacas ‘fluffy giraffe sheep’. It made her smile.

“Sleep well,” said Millie, matching her daughter’s smile. She kissed her forehead and then stood up, leaving the room. She closed the door behind herself.

3

Namika did indeed sleep well. It was quiet in her old bedroom, no electric humming like on the station, no whirring like on the Tyrga. It was just peaceful and calm and there was the familiar scent of alpaca wool. Fresh air seeped in through the open window and a soft wind caressed her cheek just as she was slipping off into the realm of dreams. She was on a Vespa hoverbike, riding over the fields and towards the city of New Lima. She heard a familiar voice and there was Rico, sitting behind her, arms wrapped around her waist. The wind was tugging on her hair. Rico squealed and she laughed and then they were in the city. There was a festival. She could smell Peru. Strange, colourful shapes, and alpacas, and familiar faces. Some of them looked Peruvian, seemed to be old school mates of hers. And some of them were her friends - Isaac somewhere in the background; Ava, Nia, both of them riding on alpacas. And Mo, currently falling off of his alpaca. Very graceful. Her parents were there, too. Colours mixed together, blurred, until finally she fell asleep even deeper and deeper, until she reached a dreamless state of rest.

1

3

2

Mika woke up from her nap a couple of hours later, blinking into an orange glow that filled her room. The sun was just setting, a red ball behind the fields. It wasn’t visible from her window, but Namika knew that there was a cliff where the fields ended and the sun would be kissing the ocean’s edge right about now. It made her smile as she stood up from her bed, feeling more refreshed now. She took a moment to sit in the nostalgia of her own room, watching the soft light. That was when she heard voices outside her door: ‘Can I wake her up now?’ ‘Let your sister sleep, boy.’ ‘Oh, come on!’ With a small chuckle, Mika called out, “It’s fine, Rico! I’m awake!”

“Oh, sweet!”, said Rico, already coming through the door. “I need you awake, I want to show you the Vespa in detail!”

Namika smiled. “I’d love to see it. You know what, I’ll shoot a message to someone I know who used to be in engineering.” Someone who wasn’t Isaac. “He might be able to help us.”

“Oh, okay! Yeah! That’s cool,” said Rico, nodding along. He lingered by the door. “You coming, then?”

Namika nodded, trying to soothe her brother’s impatience. “Yes, yes, I’m coming. Just gimme a second to change into something more engineering appropriate. You should do that too.”

“Okay, I’ll wait by the stables!” Rico was already leaving again eagerly.

“AND BRING SNACKS!”, she called out as the door was already being pulled shut again. She shook her head in amusement and reached for her shuffle bag. Mika took out some overalls that she could use for dirty work, as well as a t-shirt she could afford to get motor oil on. Then she reached for her PADD and typed out a message to Mo. He probably wouldn’t reply right away, so Mika pocketed her PADD and then headed downstairs and out of the house. She told her mother in the passing that Rico and herself could be found in the stables. And with that, she went outside.

1

It was already dark outside when Namika came back into the house, Rico in tow. They washed their hands in the bathroom, stole a few tamales from the kitchen and then, they quietly headed upstairs to Mika’s old room. There, they settled on her bed together. Mika took a bite out of the tamale and leant back against the pillows. She wondered whether her mother had told her father about the breakup yet. It would be good. She didn’t want to tell him herself.

Rico threw himself into the pillows next to her, shoulder to shoulder. It was nice, being close with her again, just like back in the day. He used to find it hard to imagine living without her, but then she’d left for the Academy and then everything had changed. He took a tamale as well. “You know… Mom and dad have been fighting about me,” he said into the quiet of the room.

Namika looked down at her brother, eyes filled with worry. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, swallowed and then said, “Why?”

“I… I fainted again,” he said quietly, sighing a little, “In school. Double vision and all. They think it’s coming back…”

1

Namika’s heart rate immediately picked up. She put aside the tamale and turned towards her brother, frowning. “You’re feeling worse again and they didn’t tell me?!”

Rico pulled a face. “I wanted to tell you, but they didn’t want to trouble you…”

“Trouble me?!” The frown deepened. “Oh, I’ll give them trouble!” But then she remembered that it was no use getting angry now. She was with Rico now, and it wasn’t his fault that he had Albright-Salzman syndrome, it wasn’t his fault that their parents were foolish. She put one arm around him, calming herself down. “I’m sorry, Rico. Fuck, I should have been there. You know I can take emergency shore leaves.”

Rico appreciated the gesture, but he shook his head. “It wasn’t that bad. I didn’t even go to the hospital.”

“Hospital or not, I would have liked to know. You’re my brother,” she said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Was it just that one time?”

Rico smiled softly at the reassuring gesture and then he nodded. “Yeah, just once. Mamá wants to take me to the hospital, but papi thinks it’s nothing. Says I might have just gotten too much sun that day.”

“What do you think?”, she asked gently.

Rico shrugged. “I… honestly don’t know. We’ll just have to wait and see if it happens again. But I haven’t been feeling dizzy in the past few days, so papi might be right.”

“Let’s hope it,” muttered Mika. She studied Rico’s face, the messy, brown curls of his hair, the round nose and lips - similar to her own - and the little mole just underneath his right eye. She loved her brother fiercely. When he’d first been diagnosed, she’d had trouble comprehending it. Albright-Salzman syndrome wasn’t known to be lethal, but generally speaking there wasn’t really anything known about it, other than the symptoms. Doctors were still struggling with finding an explanation, let alone a treatment. Rico was just one of the many unlucky test subjects - running through one treatment after the next, always hoping that this time, this time it would work! He’d been feeling better for about a year now. Namika dreaded the thought that the sickness might come back… “Hey,” she said softly, “Next time you feel fuzzy, shoot me a PADD message, okay?”

“Okay,” he said quietly. And then a yawn escaped him.

“You should catch some sleep. So we can keep working tomorrow.” Namika returned to her tamale.

“Yeah… You’re right.” Rico finished his food as well. He spent a few more minutes in Mika’s room, chatting about the Vespa and whatever else popped up in their heads. And then he left and headed to bed.

When Rico had left, Mika lay down to sleep as well. She was full and tired and thinking about Vespa schematics as she fell asleep.

1

Namika was awake before anyone else in her family. The house was quiet; when Mika opened the windows of her room, the sounds of birds chirping in a nearby tree wafted in, together with fresh air, the scent of alpacas and grass. Wide fields stretched in front of her in the dimness, as she crossed her arms on the windowsill and enjoyed the view. If she listened closely, she could hear the sea in the distance, clashing into the cliff. Or maybe she was just imagining that, maybe that sound was just the wind ruffling through the corn plantations. After a while, the darkness of the sky slipped away and gave way to a lighter shade of blue, until eventually the first rays of sun touched the fields. With graceful flaps of its wings, a condor slid over the landscape.  Mika grabbed her PADD and took a picture, feeling wonderfully sentimental. For a little while, she simply stood there, watched as the morning rolled in. It was still terribly early - too early - so eventually she settled back on her bed. Many things ran through her mind; the early morning hours made her philosophical. Usually she’d be missing a cup of coffee right now, but she was oddly awake. She thought about Rico’s sickness, and her father’s gambling addiction, and hoverbikes, and Starfleet, until eventually her mind circled back to Mo. Odd how that kept happening.  She pulled out her PADD without really giving it too much thought, opening a comms channel…

1

Home again, and laden with paper bags of gifts, she went upstairs and dropped all of the stuff onto her bed. She’d gotten some nice things. Rico was already waiting in the stables, she knew that. With a patter of old trainers on wood, she hurried down the stairs, crossed the living room, and the stumbled out the door- only to bump right into somebody.

Kanye had stepped outside for a quick smoke. No rarity nowadays. His mind was wandering, smoke filling his lungs, when suddenly someone ran right into him, nearly making him lose his balance. “Mierda, Mika!”, he cursed, “Watch where you’re going!”

Namika straightened her back and shook off the initial surprise, blinking up at her father. “Sorry.” The smell of smoke stung in her nose. She pressed her lips together as her line of sight fell onto the cigarette. She’d quit a couple of years ago, and yet she was still struggling. “Those things’ll kill you, you know?”

Her father gave her a dismissive look, then gave the cigarette a dismissive look and then took another drag, a deep inhale. “So?” He blew the smoke out into the air again, eyes lingering on the fields. “Everyone dies eventually, kid.”

God, how she hated that condescending talk! The way he looked down on life, on himself, on all of them, on her… “And what about the people we leave behind?”, she asked bitterly. What about the family? The family that he left behind every weekend to go and play dabo in the city, losing all of their money to a game. Everything was a game to him.

It was like he didn’t even hear his daughter. He just kept looking at the fields and the glowing red end of the cigarette between his fingers. “Hmmm. Your mother told me about the thing with Isaac,” he said conversationally.

Namika strained. Oh, the bastard! He was bringing this up just to distract from the topic. “I don’t want your opinion, if that’s what this is about.”

“I don’t care,” he said, “It was always your mother who wanted you to get married. Isaac was way too cheerful for my taste anyways.”

Ah, wonderful! Now he was insulting her ex. “Keep that shit to yourself,” she said between clenched teeth, walking past him. The second hand smoke made her sick. If she stayed any longer, she would either have to take a pill or throw up. Namika headed out towards the fields, leaving her father standing by the doorway.

1

Everything was white, too white. The walls and the floors and the ceilings and the beds and the smell. White. White, like cocaine, like lab coats. Hospital. As Namika wandered the endless corridors, she recognised the place as a hospital. There were numbers at the different doors that she was passing by but none of them was the number she was looking for. She was alone. No doctors, nobody she could ask - and none of the fucking numbers matched the one she was looking for! “Rico?!” She wanted to call out for him, but her voice failed. “Ri-“ A coughing fit shook her body. There was smoke. Who the hell would smoke in a hospital? Still coughing her lungs out, she reached for one of the doors. The beds were filled with sickly people. Some of them already dead. She looked around, wide eyed, stumbling. The coughing wouldn’t stop. And that was when the gruesome realisation hit her that she knew the people in those beds - old school friends, and… Ava, lying pale as a sheet, green blood dripping from her lips. “Ava-“ Namika couldn’t finish her sentence, she was already finding the next person. “Mo!” Miraculously, her legs carried her to the bed, she reached out for Mo’s skinny body, his pale hand… it was cold. No. He was ice cold - no, no - and his black eyes were vacantly staring at the ceiling, and she felt something shatter inside of her. Namika shot up in her bed. Her breathing was quick, she felt sweat running down her face in the dark. “Fuck.” Just a dream. It was just a dream. Her hand was trembling as she turned on the light on the bed stand. “Fuck… Okay. Okay, breathe… breathe.” She ran her hands over her face, trying to bring her mind back into reality, trying to ground herself in the quietness of the room. And then she did an impulsive thing.

2

Yeah, I’m fine.

Namika read that sentence six times before she managed to calm himself down enough to formulate a reply. Mo was fine. Ava was fine, too. They were both fine, and she’d looked into her brother’s room and Rico was fine, too, asleep and alive. She sent her response to Mo’s message and resisted the urge yo ask him what he was up to. That would have been super duper unprofessional, right? It was already unprofessional to ask your superior officer if he was doing ok in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. Who had nightmares about their superior officer anyways?! Weirdo alert. Namika shook her head. As much as she wanted to start a conversation with Mo and keep herself (1) distracted and (2) assured that he was alive, she decided it would be better not to. She was already crossing too many lines between professional and friendly and she had no way of knowing what he was comfortable with.

And then Mika ended up starting a text conversation nevertheless. She sat comfortably in her bed, alpaca wool blanket around her shoulders, PADD on her lap. While fantasising about inviting Mo to Peru - as unrealistic as it was - it occurred to her that she would be able to show Peru to him, even without inviting him there…

It was terribly late when Namika finally stopped texting Mo and went back to sleep. At least the chat - including the ridiculous eating machine - had helped her recover from the weird nightmare. She was thinking about food when she fell asleep; in fact, she was thinking about the blandest dishes she knew of. And she thought about holodeck nights and Mo’s present that was tucked away in her shuffle bag and many other things. This time, the nightmares stayed away.

1

2

The next morning, she woke up late, when the sun was already pretty high and her parents had already left for work. Only Rico was still in the house and she had a quick breakfast with him (humitas, yum! Would Mo like those? Probably too spicy. Stop thinking about Mo.) and then they headed to the stables.

1

Back inside, Rico took a seat in the living room from where he could watch his sister in the kitchen. He always found that she looked especially in her element when she was cooking, and it was the only times when she actually resembled their mother - at least in Rico’s eyes.

Namika threw a glance at their storage room and then called out to Rico, “I could make Causa Limeña Rellena! Would take a bit, but I haven’t had that in ages as the potatoes have to be eaten soon.”

“You know I’ll eat whatever you cook, Mike!”

“Stop calling me that,” she said with a grin and grabbed a few ingredients, spreading them out on the countertop. She first cleaned the yellow potatoes and peeled them, making quick work of it. Then she put them in a pot of boiling water. While they were cooking, she took a look at her padd. Oh, Mo had replied. Her fingers hovered over the keypad. Was everything alright? Thoughtful of him to ask, but that question was wildly complicated. Yes, everything was alright, but she was concerned about being a bad sister and being too focussed on her job and being unable to talk to her father and- And she was not going to say all of that to Mo, obviously. She typed back a reply.

“Who are you texting?” asked Rico, hanging over his chair in a position that could not possibly be healthy for his spine, looking at Mika with big brown eyes.

“Mo,” she replied instantly without thinking about it, eyes still on the screen.

“Oh, you two talking about engineering stuff?” He perked up, very interested now.

Namika blinked up at him and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Uh, not exactly.”

“What are you talking about, then?” He tilted his head. Which was probably also unhealthy for his spine, at the angle he was sitting right now.

Namika took a moment to consider that question and she found herself blushing very slight again even though she had nothing to hide. What the hell? She turned towards the potatoes, hiding her face when she replied, “We just kinda talk about a lot of things. Like food or holodeck sims…” Or eating machines. Actually Rico would probably have loved to see that one, but she’d promised never to show the video to anyone else, and she was loyal. “And sit up straight.”

“But I’m bi!”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean you need to have scoliosis.”

“You’re just trying to change the topic!” He did however sit up more properly. “You weren’t friends with the Captain of the Tyrga.“

Namika could hear the unspoken question ‘So what’s different about Mo?’ and she decided to indulge her brother and answer, “Well, the Captain of the Tyrga wasn’t a kind hearted nerd with an interest in hoverbikes.”

1

“Huh.”

“Also, we’re not friends,” said Mika, though she sounded a little unsure about that. Insert the ‘Are you sure about that?’ meme here. “At least he’s never, like, acknowledged the friendship. He’s still my superior officer. Some kind of professional distance is just… appropriate I guess.” That literally hurt to say. She stared at the potatoes in the pot.

1

“Sounds like it sucks. Imagine you like a person and can’t spend time with them just because professionalism is in the way,” said Rico who had a way of summarising situations wonderfully, “Will you befriend your crew when you become Captain?”

It was sweet of him to use ‘when’ and not ‘if’. He’d always believed in her even more than she did. Yeah, he was right, it sucked. It sucked that he was her superior officer, even though she liked working under him. It was just unfair. “I think I’d try to keep some kind of professional distance to maintain authority, but not as much as Mo does. He’s very… He seems super unapproachable until you actually speak to him.“

“How so?” Rico tilted his head again. A stray curl of hair fell over his left eye.

“He looks like the most villain coded person I’ve ever met,” she said with a small smirk, “No that’s actually not true, I’ve met a lot of people, but uh… Wait.” She pulled up the crew roster on her PADD and then showed Rico a picture of Mo.

“Yo, is that his actual hair colour?! That’s wild.”

“I never asked him if he dyes it, but I do think it’s natural.” She gave an amused smile.

Rico squinted at the picture. “Does he always glare like a follower of Surak?”

That actually made Mika laugh out loud. “Only 80% of the time,” she said, putting the PADD away again and refocusing on the cooking. “He does smile sometimes.” And it made him look like a devil when he grinned, like he was about to offer you a deal to sell your fucking soul. Which some part of Mika’s brain found scarily attractive - a part of her brain that she decided to vehemently ignore. But also he could do that gentle smile where he just kind of subtly pulled up the corners of his mouth and it made him look friendly and Mika would not admit that it gave her a lot of soft feelings. Anyways, back to cooking! “You wanna help me mash the potatoes?”

2

Of course, Rico helped her. He helped with every step of the recipe, especially with the last step: eating it! Afterwards, they spent some more time in the shed, tinkering, then on the balcony, looking over the fields, and then they had a meal with their parents. Rico was very happy to spend so much time with Mika.

1

2

The next day was hot. Peru was always warm, but that day the air was heavy with heat. Namika dressed in jeans shots and a tank top, and then went to her brother’s room. “Hey, Sanny,” she said, knocking on the door. Sanny was short for his middle name - which he disliked, but he didn’t mind the nickname. “Wanna go to the cliffs?”

Rico was still half asleep and he turned around with a grumble. “What?”, he called out through the door.

“I’m taking my bike to the cliffs! Wanna come?”

Rico was tired but that actually sounded like an amazing idea, especially in this heat, so he willed himself out of bed and called out to his sister, “I’m coming!”

A couple of minutes later, they were headed outside, each of them carrying a backpack with bathing stuff and some food, as well as a biking helmet.

1

After cliff diving with Rico, Namika was sitting in the living room, messaging Mo who had apparently met Ava!

That was when the doorbell rang.

2

Mika frowned. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Leaving her PADD on the couch, she got up to get the door.

In the doorway stood a man her age, blue hair, piercings, a bit of a stubble around his chin, tired eyes. He was dressed in a postman uniform that made his body look like it was made of spaghetti. He was tall and skinny and holding a packet underneath his arm. When Namika opened the door, Brayan’s brain froze for a second. He knew of course that this was where she used to live. But it surprised him that it wasn’t Mrs. Grey who was answering the door, but Mika herself. Yes, it was unmistakably her. Brayan was so starstuck, he forgot to say hello. (edited)

2

Oh, just the post, thought Mika and then her brain did a double take and she was like, hol up wait a minute! “Brayan?!” Her raspy voice was halfway between scandalised and disbelieving.

Brayan blinked. “Yes. Hey, Mika.” He had an oddly high voice. He hadn’t seen her in years. In fact, he hadn’t seen her since she’d entered into starfleet academy. “I… guess I work at the post now.” Oh, amazing first sentence to say to your ex girlfriend who you never really had managed to get over! Really intelligent. ‘Hey, no longer a drug dealer!’

“I can see that,” said Namika, still baffled. “Don’t they usually send drones these days?”

“Uh…” He used his free hand to scratch the back of his head and didn’t stop staring at her. “Yeah, a few of em broke so now I have to do it manually.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder at the hoverbike behind himself.

“Oh,” said Mika eloquently, throwing a glance at his (nice) hoverbike. Then she looked up at him again. “Do you… I mean… Wow! I mean, it’s crazy to see you again!” She huffed in amazement. “How have you been?”

“Not too bad, I guess. I became an uncle,” he said and then remembered why he was here and held out the packet. “I think your mother ordered this.”

“Thanks,” muttered Mika and took the packet, absently placing it on the commode next to the door before looking at Brayan again. “An uncle, good for you.” So that meant he had at least repaired his relationship to his sister to a certain extent and he had gotten a job. Good for him. “Uh… Would it be weird to invite you for a cup of coffee? Do you even have time for one?”

No, he did not have time for one. “I think I do, yes,” was what he ended up saying to the woman in front of him. It was strange. She looked much more at ease, much less angry. Less make up, no undercut, comfy clothes instead of all black leather get up. Grown up. Brayan swallowed. “Gee, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Hah! That’s an understatement,” responded Mika and stepped aside to let him in. “Come on in, I’ll make some coffee.”

“Thanks.” While Namika went towards the kitchen, Brayan sat down on the couch. It felt alienating to be here again. The place that Mika used to run away from…

“Is it still milk, no sugar?”, asked Mika from the kitchen.

“Uh, yes!” He tried not to give the fact that she remembered too much weight. Mika was just one to remember things; it didn’t mean anything. Or did it?

2

A few moments later, Namika settled down on the couch opposite him, placing two cups of coffee on the low table. Hers was black with sugar. “There you go.” She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose before she picked up her cup.

She was still beautiful. Something that Brayan was trying to ignore, but it turned out to be rather difficult. Her wavy black hair, her dark, narrow eyes, her delicate hands, the way she pushed up her glasses and her chapped lips - the same lips he had kissed many times back in the day… “How is… Starfleet going?”, he asked carefully and looked down at his own coffee.

2

“Good! Good,” said Mika, nodding along and feeling slightly awkward now. She blew on her coffee. “I’m, uh, a level four pilot - working on the last license right now.“ She took a sip.

“Wow. That sounds… good.” He took a sip as well. She made good coffee. One of her many good qualities. God, this was awkward, wasn’t it? Maybe he should go…

“What about you, though? How’d you end up as a postman? Good for you, by the way.” Better than the drug business, anyway, though probably less profitable. At least Mika hoped that he wasn’t in the drug business anymore.

“Yes, yes, it’s good. It was difficult to get outta the shit I got myself in, but… I managed. You know,” he shrugged, “A cousin of a cousin hooked me up with this job. I like it. Well, I don’t love it, but it’s good.”

“Hey, I’m happy you got out,” said Mika, a gentle smile gracing her lips.

Beautiful smile, thought Brayan and quickly stopped himself. “You too. At least you look good- uh, seem to be doing well, I mean!” He looked at his coffee. “We were all a bit scatter brained when you left us. I mean, we were scatter brained before, but… Well, you just ran away, you know?”

2

Namika blinked. With ‘we all’ Brayan could only be referring to her group of friends back then. Her old hoverbike gang, the few teens that she used to hang around with - Brayan one of them of course. But Brayan was wrong! When Mika had entered Starfleet Academy, she had finally stopped running away! At least that was her perspective. Mika scoffed. “I didn’t leave you, I didn’t run away! I got my life back on track.”

3

“Yeah,” said Brayan quietly, not meeting her eyes, “By running off to the stars.” He sounded bitter.

Namika faltered, staring at him, cup in hand. Was that really what she had done? Her story was this: She’d run away from home. She’d let herself go. She’d then realised all that and had joined starfleet in order to do something useful. But… but what if Brayan was right? No, he simply wasn’t understanding this. “I didn’t run off. You all knew where I was going.”

“Maybe, but you only told us after you’d already made the decision.” He didn’t look at her. He couldn’t. Maybe that was cowardly of him, but oh, well.

Again, Mika let out a scoff. “Oh, so you wanted me to ask for permission or something?!”

“We were surprised, is all. And then you were gone. Pretty suddenly,” he said. And then he dared to glance at her. “You did leave us behind.”

Namika frowned. Confusion and frustration mixed inside of her. She was unsure, unsure whether she wouldn’t just snap. With a lot of willpower, she forced herself to speak calmly. “It’s my life, Brayan. I did the thing that put me back in control. I did what none of you even dared to do.” Her eyes narrowed. “Where’s Lysa now, huh? Or Alejandro? What did they do with their lives?!”

Brayan flinched at the mention of Alejandro. His hands tightened around the hot cup. “Mika. I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m not saying you made a mistake. Hell, I’m glad you’re not still somewhere, getting high and looking for trouble, like Lysa! But- You need to know that you did run away. I’m glad you’re back! But you have to understand what the heck you actually did when you left!“

3

“Oh, I understand alright,” said Mika and put down her cup of coffee with a clank. “I left behind the rebel girl who didn’t put her mind to good use! I left behind the girl who wouldn’t take care of her brother when he was sick!”

“Mika-“

“No, Brayan, I left that life behind, in favour of becoming a better person and I’m fucking sorry if it hurt your feelings!”

“Mika, Alejandro is dead.”

4

“What?” Silence. The angry frown left Mika’s face, slipped away like a leaf in the wind. She blinked, eyes oddly vacant. The gears in her brain were turning, but nothing was computing. “Wh… what?”

TW: drugs. Brayan looked up at her, expression apologetic. “He overdosed. Cocaine.” He swallowed drily, but wasn’t exactly in the right mood to take another sip of coffee. Solemnly he put the cup down and sighed. “Doctors were too late with the hypos. Alejandro was always in deeper than the rest of us,” he muttered. Regret coloured his features.

2

Fuck. “Fuck…” She felt horrible now, horrible for bringing him up in the first place and talking badly about him… “Shit.” She ran a hand through her hair. “How… how long?”

“Two months ago. He was found in his apartment,” responded Brayan quietly. “I saw the place. A goddamn mess.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” She leant back in the couch, looking resigned. “I shouldn’t have…”

“It’s ok.” Brayan turned the coffee cup between his hands. “What I’m saying is… Look, Mika, I’m glad you got out. I’m more than happy for you that this new life you’re leading seems to be going real well! It’s just… We missed you. Some of us still do, like me for example. I wanted you to know that.”

The world caved in around her for a few moments. It all simply shattered. She’d been trying to do the right thing. She still thought that she had done the right thing, in joining Starfleet, in leaving Peru… but what about the people she’d left? What about the things that she simply hadn’t stopped running away from? The people? Brayan, Lysa, Alejandro… Namika wanted to scream. She didn’t. “I’m sorry for leaving,” she said, forcing her voice into a calm tone, “It was the only way I knew how to get out. It was the best and the only way that I saw.”

4

Brayan looked at her, the woman who used to be a girl who he used to love. Maybe he still did. He still loved the feisty glint in her eyes, the determination in her voice. Always so confident. And it seemed that her confidence had only grown since he’d last seen her. Were this a different situation, he might have asked her out. “It’s fine. You don’t have to keep apologising. I get it now. It’s just… nice to have you back here again.” He picked up his cup. “How long will you be staying?”

“Just the week,” she said and after everything they’d talked about, it almost felt embarrassing. “I’m going to San Fran on the upcoming Monday. Then from there to starbase 777.”

“I see.” He tried to keep the disappointment out of his face and failed. Just few more days. Of course she wouldn’t be staying here for much longer, in a place that she called home but a place that seemed to be unwelcoming to her. At least that’s what she’d always told him back in the day. He chugged the rest of his coffee and put the cup down. “Thanks for the coffee. I need to get going.”

“Oh, yeah, of course…” Namika stood up and accompanied her surprise guest to the door. “It was nice seeing you again.”

“You too, Mika. I’m sorry this was so… depressing. Maybe we could meet up sometime again. Go to the beach or something. Ack, I don’t know. Maybe just… text me? Or I can text you?”

“Yes, sure! Wait, let me get my PADD.” They exchanged padd contact infos and then Mika opened the door for him. “Have a nice day, Brayan. Thanks for dropping by.”

“Well, it’s my job,” responded Brayan with a small smile. “I’ll see you around, Mika.”

“See you…” Then the door closed behind Brayan and Mika was oddly alone. She went back to the living room, picked up her coffee, took a sip without really registering it, and sat down. Alejandro was dead. He’d been a funny guy, but had a horrible family. He’d often spent the nights in the warehouse where Mika and the gang used to meet up. Alejandro made the best spaghetti with cheese ever. Or at least, he used to. Now he was dead. Namika chocked down some tears, blinking. She hadn’t been overly close with Alejandro, hadn’t been in touch with him for many years. And yet, his death made her realise many things. For one, she was lucky to be alive. Secondly, her decision to go to Starfleet may have saved her. But also, that decision had affected not just herself. It had affected everyone she’d left behind. She thought about that day in the stables where she’d told Rico that she wanted to take her piloting exam on the weekend. She remembered his sad face. How the fuck was she supposed to balance private life and her career? Wasn’t that one thing that had driven her and Isaac apart as well? She looked down at the reflection of her face on the black liquid and wondered whether she was selfish. Self absorbed. Was she? The coffee didn’t give any insight or verbal answer. Too bad. Namika drank the rest of it and then went up to her room. (edited)

1

Mika had spent most of the day studying or watching Rico on the hoverVespa. It was a work of engineering art! By now, the evening had come, and so had the last dinner in Peru. A small part of her felt guilty that she wouldn’t be staying for much longer. But she knew that she wanted to take the exam and then get back to the station.

Millie had made Ají de gallina, a dish that combined chicken meat with a spicy cream sauce. She was just now sitting down to eat with the gathered family. The food was fresh and steaming.

1

“It’s so cool, papá! Mika helped me with the circuits and it’s just a bit slower than a regular hoverbike!” Rico was talking non stop while he sat down at the table.

Kanye nodded at his son and was elsewhere mentally. He was quiet as usual.

“Yes, Rico, the Vespa really looks quite impressive. Nice to see that Mika and you are such a good team,” said their mother and started putting food on the different plates. “Mika, dear, we’ve already sent the shipment to starbase 777. It should be there when you arrive.”

“Thank you,” said Namika. She was always happy to have fresh ingredients for her cooking.

“Will you be hosting a Peruvian Night again? On the new posting?”, asked Rico.

“I don’t know. I haven’t really met enough people yet.” As it was now she would most likely only cook for herself and Mo and maybe Ava. Sure, if she really were to organise another Peruvian Night, she could also invite Nia and Jack and Konstantin… “Well, maybe I’ll do it. We’ll see.”

“Did you study well for the exam tomorrow?” Millie was done distributing the food.

“Of course,” said Mika and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Instead she took a forkful of chicken and rice. Yum!

2

00:33

The dinner passed in relative harmony. No fights, only a few awkward moments. Mika didn’t bring up Alejandro’s death. She let Rico ramble about hoverbikes, answered a few questions about the exam and shuttle piloting, then asked whether her mother had included alpaca milk in the shipment (for Mo, but she didn’t add that) and then when they were finished, she helped tidy the kitchen. As always, her father barely talked during dinner. It was fine. She hadn’t been expecting anything else.

“I’ll come with you to the shuttle port,” said Rico while Mika and their mother were tidying in the kitchen. He wanted to send her off to San Fran at the airport.

“Alright, little man! I need you to take care of that Vespa, okay?” While she spoke she wiped her hands on a cloth, then she ruffled his curly hair.

“Hey! Yes, yes, I’ll take care. Promise.”

Mika gave him a warm smile. She disliked goodbyes. She wasn’t good at them. And she already dreaded the thought of having to hug Rico goodbye at the airport in an hour or so.

“Are you sure you have everything? All your bags in the car?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Well, let’s go then. You shouldn’t miss your shuttle.”

And so, they left the house. Mika left for her exam, going to SFA in San Fran, and she wondered whether this meant she was running away again. Or was she running towards something? Why was she always running? Mika pushed those thoughts aside, locked them up with the thoughts about Alejandro, the stuff that she couldn’t be thinking about right now. She needed a clear head for her exams. She didn’t hug her father goodbye. It was just one of those things. And then, the door fell shut behind her. She took a deep breath. Goodbye, Peru.

2

1