Caleb sighed through his nose, then squared his shoulders. “I don’t like to put myself out there anymore,” he said, deliberately not looking at Alin. He was about to make himself particularly vulnerable, and he wasn’t about to expose himself any further than he had to. Not even to Alin.
“I don’t know if you heard about the bombing. I’d imagine you did, since it was in major news for a few weeks. QMC isn’t Nottingham’s biggest hospital, sure, but I know they were involved, so you probably would’ve.
“I was on-scene less than an hour after the bomb went off. I was on-call, then, so even though I wasn’t in an ambulance I knew I could’ve been pulled in at any moment. You’ve seen me with traumas. I thought I was ready for anything. I thought I could’ve taken any damn call and come out of it the other side just the same, y’know?”
Caleb laughed derisively. It was aimed at himself, rather than anything else.
“I didn’t think I could get PTSD. Things like that don’t happen to people like me, right? But not even a month later I couldn’t go out on shift, and when the page came through when I was on-call I had a panic attack so bad Mum called an ambulance on me. My supervisor put me on indefinite medical leave, and I was let go two months after that. They didn’t want to keep me on if I couldn’t even get into an ambulance, which is fair enough. So I kept isolating myself further and further out of - out of shame.
“And then I got Bear. She’s helped me so much more than I could’ve possibly expected, and she’s so dedicated to me. She gets me out into crowds, like when I saw you the other day on the promenade. She’s always with me, and I’ve gotten in the habit talking to her about just about everything. And then I read her the message about the blind date thing, and she glared at me until I signed up for it. I swear, that dog knows perfect English. I was really worried about meeting someone new - and I’m really glad it’s you.”
Caleb looked straight ahead,